Oh, believe me, once I understood what it meant, the waifu question wasn’t even in the running.
Q: What are my orders supreme overlord.
A: The moon is dark, my brother. Ptolemy has failed us, and the swallow has taken flight. You must find the hidden bishop and take the last of the salt flowers. Our eyes are closed against the north wind, so do not tempt the serpent until daybreak. Remember – the white goat stalks the plains in summer.
Q: What’s a Nintendo?
A: A little-known and extremely rare Electric/Steel evolution of male Nidoran.
Q: you sick fuck how could you do this pokemon
A: Honoured reader, you stir my curiosity; the extent of my crimes is boundless, but my comprehension of them is not, and I believe this is the first time I’ve had a reaction so… visceral. In short… you’re going to need to be much more specific.
Which was followed immediately by…
Q: dont pretend you dont know you bitch
A: No, seriously, like, I’m sure I’ve done loads of things to legit piss you off but I have no idea which one(s) you’re talking about. I eagerly await a list of your specific grievances.
I’m still waiting for that list, incidentally.
Q: Are you a hamster?
A: <_<
>_>
…no…
Q: Do you enjoy the taste of the flesh of human children?
A: Eurgh! That, anonymous grey sphere, is disgusting, and quite frankly I am appalled at your tastelessness.
Everyone knows that teenagers have much more complex and mature flavours, without the sinewy texture of the elderly.
Q: would you?
A: Good lord, no.
For one thing, I don’t own a candyfloss machine, and there are no snakes in New Zealand anyway.
The first question I ever received on Tumblr…
Q: Fuck you Totodile is awesome your opinion is wrong
A: I have seen the light. Your piercing insight has convinced me that Totodile is, in fact, the best-designed Pokémon of all time.
And perhaps the all-time winner…
Q: why the hell did you eat all the pancakes you bloody fool why i have a right mind to smack across the face!
A: Those were MY PANCAKES and I had EVERY RIGHT TO EAT THEM, as well you know, and you can tell Jim that he will get his maple syrup back when he apologises for getting my Nidorina drunk last Christmas and pays that poor family for their ham and tree!
I do rather enjoy receiving and answering questions, even if I sometimes take a week or longer to get around to it. I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who’s sent them in over these three and a bit years – they always help to reassure me that someone out there is actually listening to me when I shout at the internet, which is what makes it all worthwhile for a small-time blogger like me. Keep sending ‘em in – yes, even the weird ones!
Pokémaniacal 