Heart Gold Kingslocke: The Rules

all right, b!tches, let’s gold up this heart

So here’s the deal: this is gonna be a test of the Kingslocke Advanced Rules.  The second test, in fact (I’ve already run the Advanced Rules once on X and made a couple of changes based on that experience, although I didn’t fully document that run).  The Kingslocke, for anyone just joining us now, is the dumbest and most convoluted Pokémon challenge run ever devised by a mortal fake gamer guy (I am the guy; it me).  Its basic mechanic is just that, whenever you visit a new location, you have to draw a card from a tarot deck and follow a unique rule based on the card you draw.  And that is the only simple thing about the Kingslocke.

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Black 2 Kingslocke: Epilogue

I’ve bested my own creation and conquered the Black 2 Kingslocke run, but what of our heroes?  There are a lot of them, after all; the point of the Kingslocke is very much that you never know who you’re going to end up relying on.  Even those Pokémon who never actually saw battle or got to contribute anything are part of this story; let’s hear from them first.

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Black 2 Kingslocke: Episode 14

Okay!  Final hurdle!  Can we beat the postgame Unova Elite Four with… uh… female Pokémon from different generations whose nicknames contain the letter A, with only physical attacks, and also we have to use Pokémon from the Vessel or the Twist Mountain Justice League if we can, but also Pokémon who are exactly level 69 (nice) can ignore all of that and do whatever they want, and also Gliscor is here.

…I truly cannot express how proud I am of how fµ¢£ing stupid this challenge run is.  It is everything I ever dreamed it would be.

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Black 2 Kingslocke: Episode 13

Okay!  Let’s see if we can clean up everything else today!  We just need to check out the area around Accumula Town and Nuvema Town, there’s like two or three more end-game bosses to fight, then we can head straight back to the Elite Four and hopefully leverage the mystical power of the number 69 (nice) to overcome all these confusing bull$#!t rules I’ve forced on myself to defeat them once and for all!

First of all, we’re done with Striaton City and moving on to the south.

Five – Guys: You cannot use your female Pokémon (unless you have no male or genderless Pokémon).  This rule is overwritten by drawing a Six/Chicks, and ends if you draw another Five.  You may catch the first male wild Pokémon you see in this area.

Well.  Whoops. I guess we’re not smashing the Patratriarchy after all.  Time to figure all this out again…

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Black 2 Kingslocke: Episode 11

Rules are here, and if you’re interested in hearing about the tribulations of other trainers suffering through this ridiculous challenge run I’ve created, check out the just-completed season of the EXP. Share podcast!

Iris is beaten, but there’s still more of Unova to explore.  I think the first order of business is to cut through Twist Mountain to reach Icirrus City in the northwest.  Icirrus is a gym site in Black and White, but in the sequels you can’t even visit until… well, now.

I guess this is a change of pace…

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Black 2 Kingslocke: Episode 10

Rules are here, and if you’re interested in hearing about the tribulations of other trainers suffering through this ridiculous challenge run I’ve created, check out the current season of the Exp. Share podcast!

Here we are on the road to the Pokémon League!  We’d better draw a card.

oh, god, not this bull$#!t again

Four – Elements: Your Pokémon may not use attacks that get a Same-Type Attack Bonus, unless they have no un-STABed damaging moves (note that moves with fixed damage like Dragon Rage and Nightshade do not have STAB).  Pokémon in your active party with no un-STABed attacks must learn one as soon as they can (using a TM/TR if you have, or can easily buy, a compatible one).  This rule ends if you draw another Four.  You may catch the first Pokémon you see in this area that does not share a type with any of your current party Pokémon.

So, that’s… no Surf for Woshua, no Hyper Beam for Alvin, no Discharge for Lieutenant Derby, no Surf or Ominous Wind for Shoal and no Shadow Ball for Nefertiti.  Pizza Rat, fortunately, has no STAB moves to lose, since Endeavour and Super Fang deal fixed damage.

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Black 2 Kingslocke: Episode 9

Rules are here, and if you’re interested in hearing about the tribulations of other trainers suffering through this ridiculous challenge run I’ve created, check out the current season of the Exp. Share podcast!

First things first: because I’ve beaten a gym leader, I get to free one of my two petrified Pokémon (note: Pepper is disgraced, not petrified; I think on balance she’s actually slightly harder to get back).  Let’s go with Alanis.

(There’s no way Alanis would have been any help in Marlon’s gym, but because the team beat him, she gets freed from petrification.  She thinks that’s ironic.)

This week we’re going to find Team Plasma’s base of operations and kick the $#!t out of them – but before we can do that, we have to head up to route 22 again so we can meet Colress… and someone else special.

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Black 2 Kingslocke: Episode 7

Rules are here, and if you’re interested in hearing about the tribulations of other trainers suffering through this ridiculous challenge run I’ve created, check out the current season of the Exp. Share podcast!

This week we fly across Unova with Skyla and Professor Juniper to Lentimas Town, another location exclusive to the sequels.  But before that…

I’m gonna be honest, I completely forgot about Mistralton Cave when I passed through here on my way to Chargestone Cave; I only remembered it even existed when I was a guest on Exp. Share and we talked about it.

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