Today’s Pokémon are Ferroseed and Ferrothorn, the… uh… the… spiky… metal… plant-things…
Google, help me out here.
…y’know, I don’t think anyone has a completely satisfactory explanation as to what Ferroseed and Ferrothorn are. People think they’re based on the durian, the world’s most passive-aggressive fruit, which comes from South-East Asia. It tastes delicious, smells revolting, is covered in vicious thorns, and is perfectly capable of killing you if it falls on your head. In many respects, Ferroseed is very much like a durian; he’s round, spiky, vegetative, and wishes that the world and everything in it would just leave him alone. However, he’s also made of iron, lives on the walls of caves and survives by leaching minerals from the rocks. I suppose when you think about it this is the logical conclusion for a fruit that clearly wants nothing to do with anyone – hiding in a cold, dark place, sucking on rocks and jabbing anyone who bothers you. Continue reading “Ferroseed and Ferrothorn”
Excuse me for a moment. I need to do the cutesy baby-talk thing.
Maractus is a dancing cactus. It could be worse; in much the same way that destitution could be worse, because at least you don’t have the plague yet. We’ve had “dancing plant” before, and we’ve had “cactus” before, but Maractus is so different from the last cactus that I’m sort of willing to let her off on that one. Cacturne, her predecessor, was a sinister nocturnal hunter whose purpose in existence is to remind you what a scary place the desert is – and in my opinion, he did that pretty well. Maractus is a bright, happy diurnal performer, and on some level I can’t help but be annoyed by making a desert Pokémon so unrelentingly cheerful. 
I knew it was coming. When Game Freak put together Black and White, they decided to abandon all existing Pokémon in favour of new ones, which meant it was once again time to get out their sheets of formulae on how to design standard, comfortable everyday Pokémon, and one of these old standards is the caterpillar Pokémon. So it is that we come to meet the obligatory caterpillar, Sewaddle, the obligatory cocoon, Swadloon, and the obligatory butterfly, Leava-
The thing about Pokémon games is that they come in pairs: Red and Blue, Gold and Silver, yada yada yada, with a couple of Pokémon are missing from each one, like Electabuzz from Blue and Magmar from Red. In order to finish the god-awful errand that is supposedly the game’s framing device but which everyone actually forgets about within the first hour or so (i.e. filling the damn Pokédex), you have to trade with a friend who has the other game. Since Game Freak shows no sign of wanting to give up this concept, White version doesn’t get Cottonee and Whimsicott – what White gets instead, and Black doesn’t, is these two: Petilil and Lilligant. Now, Petilil is cute and all, and while Lilligant does feel oddly reminiscent of a Southern belle to me she doesn’t look too badly done either, but tell me… aren’t you all having flashbacks to Oddish and Bellossom? 
Whee; I get to do another Grass-type! I’m breaking from the order of the Pokédex for a bit because Whimsicott is another Pokémon I have relatively more experience with. Cottonee and Whimsicott are… fluffy… cottony balls of… stuff. Honestly I’m not sure what they are. Funnily enough, I quite like this. Pokémon don’t need to look like things, they just need to fit their powers and their character. Think back, for instance, to Red and Blue and see if you can tell me what, in the name of all that is holy, a Slowpoke is? Or, for that matter, a Nidoqueen? How about Alakazam, Marowak, Magmar, Electabuzz or Kangaskhan (hint: she’s certainly not a bloody kangaroo, I can tell you that much)? I feel that there have been, as the years go by, more and more Pokémon that insist that they need to look like something, and personally I think Pokémon that don’t really look like anything are (often) the ones that work best. Take Cottonee, for example. She looks like nothing so much as a ball of cotton with leaves, but that works. Simple designs are best when you’re looking to make something cute. Whimsicott is cute too; I’m… not exactly sure what she looks like, though it has been suggested to me that she’s a sheep, which I guess I can see. 
I appreciate the thought behind these Pokémon; I really do. For a bit of context, let’s all think back to Red and Blue. A big chunk of a Pokémon game’s storyline is, and always has been, travelling the countryside to obtain shiny bits of metal from trainers who have far more self esteem than you do in order to make yourself feel better about the fact that you are, in essence, an extremely violent prepubescent hobo. 
…and where else to start but with my very own starter Pokémon? Before the English versions of Black and White were released, Snivy was given the fan nickname “Smugleaf,” and you can see why. My gods, he looks pleased with himself, doesn’t he? Honestly, I think Smugleaf would have been a better name than Snivy as it fits with the impression of haughtiness that Nintendo seems to have been aiming for with this entire evolutionary line, but it was not to be. Ah well. It certainly works anyway, in my opinion (except that the name “Servine” is a little unfortunate – it makes me think “servile,” when he is anything but). All three of these Pokémon clearly think not only that they’re smarter than you, but also stronger, more important and infinitely more handsome. You will want to strangle them within about five minutes. 
Pokémaniacal 