House Aromatisse: The Scent of Glory
(Yes, this really is still happening; I know I’ve been lazy)
Spruce: Why would Lavoisier even have a spy working for him anyway?
Ruby: I imagine the ability to gather data in a clandestine fashion must have been useful to him from time to time. A lot of organisations in Kalos are cagey about the information they share.
Spruce: But he always seemed so… uh… legitimate…
Ruby: Well, true, but… look, put it this way, Spruce: we work for him.
Spruce: …ah. Right.
Ruby: Lavoisier’s no villain, but he has projects that he prefers kept under wraps. Things that might receive an annoying level of scrutiny from an official ethics committee, or be zoned as ‘hazardous’ in an urban environment, you know the sort.
Spruce: I… really, really don’t.
Ruby: The point is, sometimes secrecy is an important trait in a minion. [muttering] Not that there’s any point in telling you that…
Fisher: Sometimes we must walk in darkness in order to bring greater evils to light – a lesson I am… gradually learning.
Spruce: What do you mean?
Fisher: All my life, I have served the glory of the Blessed Helix in pious devotion to His Holy Anarchy, bathed in His light. Yet recently it has become clear to me that true Anarchy is beyond mortals like ourselves; the darkness of order, of Democracy, the way of the Dome Fossil, is just as much a part of our nature, and from it we may draw purpose and certainty to guide us through the divine chaos. Both are necessary… to my faith, to our quest… to me.
Daku: Hmph. An asinine theology for an asinine creature.
Ruby: Oh, will you please just stay quiet for one hour? There’s no need to trash his religion while you talk down to him.
Daku: [sceptical] Is that so? You’ve had no shortage of criticisms for the duck’s primitive fossil cult in the time I’ve spent with this… assemblage.
Ruby: …well, yeah, but…
Daku: Clearly even a being as base and craven as yourself recognises that your respective positions in the Hierarchy of Tiers dictate your responsibility to educate and better the NU trash. His liberation from his outdated and tiresome faith is obviously one element of that duty.
Ruby: You condescending little-! I have just about had it with your-
Fisher: My lady, please, there is no reason to become so… animated on my account! How could I call myself a Blessed Apostle if I could not tolerate criticisms of my faith, and answer them in good time?
Ruby: [unintelligible grumbling]
???: Delphox! Stand and be called to account!
Ruby: What the-?
???: Behold, for justice is come upon you! [a cloud of pink mist surrounds the team]
Ruby: [coughing] What-!? How-!? Is this perfume!?
Martial: Show yourself, coward, and state your grievances openly!
Aromatisse: I stand before you as the messenger of judgement. You, Delphox, are summoned before the High Sorceress in Laverre City to account for your actions!
Ruby: Summoned? High Sorceress? Actions? For? Account? Mine? Do you know who I am?
Aromatisse: [sigh] Unfortunately, yes, I am quite aware.
Ruby: I am Ruby the Delphox, fiery-
Aromatisse: -jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme, yes, yes, quite. And as you can tell, yes, I have heard of you.
Ruby: Hmph. Well, at least someone has. [glares at Daku] And what business, pray tell, does this so-called High Sorceress have with me?
Aromatisse: All mortal magic in Kalos is her business, Delphox, even that harnessed by such a petty witch as you.
Ruby: Petty!? Who are you calling petty, you jumped up powder-puff!?
Aromatisse: [ahem] The agents of our Cabal are well aware of your tinkering with magical artefacts, and the damage you have risked to the underlying fabric of magic by subverting them for purposes they were never meant for. My mistress hopes, for the moment, for a peaceful resolution, though to be honest, I do not put much trust in the humility of a self-proclaimed “sorceress supreme,” or whatever it is you call yourself.
Martial: Ah, hold a moment there – “self-proclaimed”?
Ruby: What? Yes, yes, what of it?
Martial: You mean to say that you just… started calling yourself that one day?
Ruby: Well. Yeah. I mean. Who else was going to give me the recognition I deserve?
Martial: It sounds to me as though this “Cabal” plans to give you exactly the recognition you deserve…
Aromatisse: You, Delphox, stand accused of meddling with the delicate balance of arcane magic, and overstepping your bounds by seeking to harness powers beyond the comprehension of a mere pyromancer-
Ruby: MERE PYROMANCER!? I’ll have you know that in addition to my scintillating array of devastating fiery enchantments I have mastered several forms of nature magic, apotropaism, and mental-
Aromatisse: Oh… I’m sorry. Mere hedge witch.
Ruby: WHY YOU LITTLE-!
Ruby: [dazed] -adorable fairy creature who smells like rainbows and can do no wrong. [blinks] Who are you again?
Aromatisse: As I was saying, for your reckless misuse of magic, you will be tried by the High Sorceress and judged accordingly. You and your entourage will present yourselves at the Laverre City Gym by sunset tomorrow to justify yourselves, or we will be forced to take action against you. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more important places to be and matters to attend to. [vanishes in a cloud of perfume]
Spruce: Well. That happened.
Martial: As it eventually must…
Ruby: [blinks, shakes head] Those insolent little-! Why, I- I- I’ll eviscerate the lot of them and make balloon animals of their entrails! I’ll…
Spruce: …and she’s back.
Ruby: …with a rusty pike, and then…
Martial: In any case, clearly we must comply with their request and deliver the witch to this “high sorceress.”
Daku: What, and take orders from that RU lawn ornament? And an- an upstart Fairy-type at that!?
Fisher: I too must protest, noble one! What of more important matters, of our mission to stop Team Flare? It is the will of the Blessed Helix that we pursue that course above all others, I am sure of it!
Martial: This organisation is apparently the closest thing in Kalos to body of magical law enforcement, and if we are to take them at their word they desire a peaceful resolution to any conflict. Perhaps they can instil some semblance of responsibility in her.
Ruby: …out along a barbed wire fence dripping with Seviper venom…
Martial: …or perhaps not.
Daku: How easily you abdicate your responsibility to govern and enlighten your lessers-! Master Amaldos, can you offer us any guidance?
Amaldos: We who smuggle wheelbarrows had best take care that the dirt we carry remain clear as mud to those with rocks in their heads.
Daku: …very well. I see.
Spruce: You have no idea what any of that meant, don’t you?
Daku: Shut up, NU wretch.
???: Um. Excuse me.
Fisher: Friends, do you hear something?
Ruby: …and pickle their extremities in vinegar for six days, so…
???: Excuse me! Hello?
Spruce: Hello? Who is that?
Ruby: …sideways, but slowly enough for them to feel it…
???: Uh… no one! Just, uh… someone who needs to know the latest news from Lumiose City! Someone who is no one. No one important, I mean.
Martial: Show yourself, stranger, and we will help you if we can. You need not fear us.
Ruby: …but then the cage will come down, and the spiders will…
Martial: …most of us.
???: Um. O-o-okay. Coming out now. [rustling]
Spritzee and Aromatisse are two more of those Pokémon that can only make you think “well, of course the French would have that.” French companies dominate the modern perfume industry, and only Italy can possibly compare to France’s reputation for perfume production. Kalos, not content with that, has also cornered the market on perfume Pokémon (anime Erika would kill for one of these things). While I have much more to add now, I have to stand by my original assessment of Aromatisse from my playthrough journal of X: “I feel like Big Bird’s French cousin is trying to seduce me.” Don’t you try to tell me you’re “just doing the can-can,” Aromatisse. That is a suggestive dance and you know it. I see the way you look at your trainers as you bare your leg salaciously. I’m watching you…Continue reading “Spritzee and Aromatisse”
Laverre City, which is probably Amiens, is a town out of a storybook. All quaint wooden cottages, surrounded by gargantuan fly amanita mushrooms and fields of pink flowers, clustered around a huge, ancient broadleaf tree, into which the town’s clock tower and Pokémon Gym are built. Only two signs of encroaching modernity disrupt the picturesque scene: a modern Pokémon Centre with all the standard amenities, and an imposing industrial complex on the town’s northern outskirts: the factory that produces the entire Kalos region’s Pokéballs. After a brief tour of Laverre City to give the inhabitants the opportunity to offer tribute to their new ruler (which yields another Mega Stone: Gengarite!) I go to inspect the Pokéball factory… and find its entrance guarded by a Team Flare grunt. Despite my finest quips and most withering taunts, he refuses to budge, or even to engage me in battle. Curses; how am I supposed to dispense vigilante justice effectively if I can’t actually attack people? I decide to go with my usual standby in these situations and take out my frustrations on the Gym.
I’m… not exactly sure what I was expecting from the Laverre Gym, but certainly not this. The Gym seems to be, quite simply, someone’s house: an extremely lavish home, with work rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom – all connected not by doors but by an old-school network of warp panels. Some of the rooms are filled with sewing paraphernalia and supplies, and I quickly learn from the trainers that the Gym Leader, whose name is Valerie, is a clothing designer. Strange that her extravagant creations don’t seem to be available in Laverre’s clothing store – I guess she works strictly for a higher class of clientele. Laverre City’s Gym specialises, of course, in Fairy Pokémon, and they have a few new ones for me to meet: Slurpuff and Aromatisse, the evolved forms of Swirlix and Spritzee (whom I obtain for myself shortly afterwards by trading with Adam), and a key ring Pokémon called Klefki, who is a Fairy/Steel dual-type, and turns up on the next route for me to catch – I may as well talk about all these now. Slurpuff is a remarkably silly-looking bipedal meringue with a supernaturally acute sense of smell; as little as I was expecting from Swirlix’s evolution, I actually find myself somewhat disappointed that Slurpuff isn’t more colourful – the pastel pinks are a bit boring, and I rather think that if you’re going to make a candy Pokémon anyway you should really push the boat out with it. Aromatisse is… on some level a little disturbing. I feel like Big Bird’s French cousin is trying to seduce me. That is all. Klefki is, I suppose, a neat little concept; he doesn’t seem to evolve, since he’s immediately followed in the Pokédex by Murkrow, but he does have Prankster, and just being a Steel-type is generally a plus, even if they’re not as powerful as they used to be. I suppose he’ll live and die on his support movepool.
Once I’ve dealt with all of these, I manage to stumble through all the warp panels and reach Valerie’s room on the top floor of the Gym. Valerie herself wears an extravagant winged costume, because she’s always wanted to be a Pokémon, and uses a lot of wind and flight imagery in her speech. No word on whether the costume actually allows her to fly, but I suppose she should be allowed to indulge her fantasies. Some of Valerie’s Gym trainers have been acting snooty about their Fairy-types’ vaunted immunity to Dragon attacks, so I decide to teach Valerie a lesson by opening with Pytho the Sliggoo against her Mawile, who doesn’t actually seem to have any Fairy attacks and consequently turns out to be easy prey. Her next Pokémon, a Mr. Mime, proves much more irritating – Pytho actually does fairly well here, but Valerie keeps healing the damn thing, so I eventually have to switch her out and send in Odysseus. By this time Mr. Mime has taken a pretty heavy accuracy penalty from Pytho’s Muddy Water attack and is in no shape to keep fighting for long, so he goes down quickly. Finally, out comes Valerie’s signature Pokémon – a Sylveon, who knocks out poor Odysseus with a powerful Fairy attack called Dazzling Gleam. Enough is enough, I decide, and throw in Ilex, who puts Sylveon to sleep, boosts up with Growth, and flattens her with Petal Dance. In defeat, Valerie lapses into a sort of introspective trance, handing over with little comment the Fairy Badge (seriously? It’s the first Fairy-type Gym in the history of the game and Fairy Badge was the best you could come up with?), a sliver of translucent pink agate in a gilded frame shaped like a pair of fairy wings with a brilliant opal in the centre, along with a TM whose contents she has forgotten (it turns out, upon inspection, to be Dazzling Gleam, which no-one in my party can learn). She starts murmuring to herself about her connection with her Pokémon, so I leave her to it and go to check out the Pokéball factory again.
It seems my rivals have had the same idea. Shauna and Trevor have been refused entry to the factory and are fleeing from the incensed Team Flare guard, while Tierno is running around like a headless chicken, as he is wont to do – but the door us now unattended, so Serena suggests we take the opportunity to break in. At first I was rather excited to be seeing the inside of a Pokéball factory – I hoped I might learn something about how Pokéballs function, or at least get a bit of ethical philosophy fodder, but in that respect it’s a bit of a bust really. All I see are conveyor belts leading to and from parts unknown. I do manage to elicit a plaintive “if Pokéballs are stolen by Team Flare, we can’t become friends with Pokémon…” from one of the captive workers, which is an interesting sentiment (considering that Pokéballs are pretty modern things and people have been working with Pokémon for millennia), but hardly a novel one. Quickly growing bored, Serena and I plough through the Team Flare grunts and confront their admin, a woman this time, though wearing a similar horrendous outfit to her male counterpart, in the president’s office. I have Odysseus stomp her two Pokémon, a Scraggy and a Houndoom, as quickly as possible. With the admin are two other women who claim, like Aliana, to be scientists – one, Bryony, has bright green hair and wears green glasses with some sort of digital HUD, while the other, Celosia, has purple hair and a heavy visor like Aliana’s, though a little sleeker (interesting that there seems to be an alphabet motif going on with their names here – not unlike the names of the games themselves). Again like Aliana, they appear to be both the brains and the brawn of the operation, and I’m not entirely sure whether they rank higher or lower than the admin they accompany. The scientists summon a Manectric and a Liepard, which Serena and I face with my Malamar, Photia, and her Meowstic. Liepard is initially a danger to Meowstic, but once both of them have been confused with Swagger, things quickly become fairly simple. Celosia, Bryony and the admin give up and flee with their underlings, and the grateful president gives me and Serena a big nugget and a Master Ball each. A news report on the Holo Caster soon confirms that Team Flare’s actions are unlikely to disrupt supplies of Pokéballs to the Kalos region. Wait- this thing gets the news? What is it actually even for?
That seems to be all there is to Laverre City for now, so I pack up and move on towards the next city, Dendemille Town. Along the way I pick up Klefki, whom I’ve already talked about, Watchog, Mightyena, Pawniard, Murkrow, Lombre, Floatzel, Basculin and Poliwhirl, learn a dangerous forbidden roller skating trick from an elderly gentleman who leads an underground street gang in a burned out hotel (you know, a usual day), grab a Litwick, an Electrode and a Magneton… and receive another Holo Caster message from Lysandre, who wants to shoot the breeze about Mega Evolution. Lysandre says that, according to Professor Sycamore’s research, Mega Evolution is a massive release of hidden energy, and wonders “do all people and Pokémon have such potential, or is it hidden only within a chosen few?” Wait- people? Is… is he suggesting that if I find a lump of, like, Humanite and give my Digivice to Pan, I’ll turn into a wizard or something? Because I could work with that.
In other news, I am going home for Christmas – and since I live about as far from home as I can get while still being on the same planet, this means spending most of a day on a plane. This will probably delay my progress a bit. Just so you know.
Ridiculous quote log:
“A Dusk Ball makes every battle sunny! Don’t you agree?
“Pokéballs are round! The world is also round!”
Are you suggesting some sort of connection here?
“Win or lose, Pokéballs remain round!”
Yours won’t for long if you keep yakking.