Pokéball Factory
Spruce: I think that’s her there, hiding behind those bushes… hey! Umbriel!
Umbriel: AHHHHHH! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no! I’ll never talk! Not even under torture! Well, probably under torture! I mean, maybe before torture now that you’re probably going to torture me anyway. I mean- oh. Wait. It’s you. Um. Hi.
Spruce: Uh… hi. So, uh-
Umbriel: AHHHHHH! It’s her again! Oh, please don’t set me on fire; I swear I’m going to do everything I can to-
Ruby: Oh please shut up, you glorified can of escargot, or I really will set you on fire.
Umbriel: Um. O-o-okay.
Spruce: You’re… a little jumpy, aren’t you?
Umbriel: A… little bit, yes. I can’t help it; you see I grew up in Lumiose City and it is not the safest place for a little Bug Pokémon; you know, if it’s not careless passers-by stepping on you it’s city officials trying to get your shell repurposed as traffic light housing, and-
Daku: If they ever do threaten her with torture we’re all doomed.
Spruce: Umbriel, focus. What’s happening here? What do Team Flare want and can we stop it?
Umbriel: Oh. Right. Those things that I was supposed to find out. Well, a little while ago a bunch of Team Flare marched in, took over this factory and haven’t been letting anyone in or out. There’s a Manectric and a Liepard who are in charge of everything, I think. There are human guards posted on all the doors, and more humans with their Pokémon have been arriving from time to time ever since, but I haven’t seen them take anything away… I don’t understand what they’re doing here.
Daku: This is a Pokéball factory, is it not? Surely these ruffians mean to steal as many of its products as they are able before they abscond.
Umbriel: But that’s exactly what I don’t get! Pokéballs are cheaper than Professor Sycamore on a first date! If Team Flare are as loaded as they seem to be, I don’t understand why they wouldn’t just buy a tonne of them and spend their time stealing something worthwhile, like… well, I mean, I don’t know. Gold. Trading cards. Cheese.
Spruce: Cheese?
Umbriel: Have you tried eating out in Lumiose City? The restaurants are the real criminals in this region, trust me. Uh, anyway, though, this place is locked down pretty tight and I don’t know if I can take out one of the guards on my own… also even if I could I don’t have a cover story for this op, and… well, they might still be looking for me. Which would be bad. I can’t afford to screw this up; Lavoisier’s counting on me here!
Ruby: [ahem]
Umbriel: On us! He’s counting on us! Obviously. Which is why it’s so great you’re finally here! You and your human can help me infiltrate, and maybe even stop whatever is happening!
Ruby: Right… and what is your plan, exactly?
Umbriel: Just get me to a terminal where I can hack their server, and I’ll take it from there! I’m, like, almost a Steel-type, when you think about it, because of this metal armour. Only not really, ‘cause, like, I don’t have any of the resistances or anything. But I can totally use a computer as well as any human, or Lavoisier, or even ol’ Larry down at the Lumiose Gym!
Ruby: What? You don’t have any arms, how-?
Umbriel: Oh, wow. That is some serious ableist bull$#!t right there. I will be just fine, you wait and see. Um. Ma’am.
Ruby: Oooookay. Whatever, just do your job and don’t get yourself killed; if you manage that you’ll be doing just as well as any of these idiots ever have. Now, let’s see… we should avoid the main gate; it’s heavily guarded… but one of those service entrances…
Fisher: Uh, my lady, if I might divert your attention for one moment… the human appears to be departing.
Chris: [muttering] Just have to find… what were their names…? Brianna and Celeste? Brittany and Cecilia? Oh, no, I’m totally gonna screw this up too; I know it! I hope Mr. Lysandre doesn’t get mad at me…
Ruby: What th- where the hell is he even going?
Umbriel: I- I’m sure he’ll be fine. I mean, humans are really good at taking care of themselves, right? I’ve, ah… never heard of a human getting into any trouble that they couldn’t get themselves out of!
Ruby: You’ve never met this one… ugh; we’re going to have to split up. Spruce, take your… boyfriend or whatever he is, find the leaders of the operation and disable, capture, or destroy them, quietly if you can; priest, you go with the spy and make sure she stays out of trouble; lizard… [sigh] I… suppose you’re with me. We’ll follow the human.
Daku: Your assessment of the tactical situation is… acceptable. Though just barely.
Ruby: [rolls eyes] Of course it is.
Spruce: Okay! Go team! Let’s bust this place wide open!
Ruby: Quietly.
Spruce: Oh. Right. [stage whispering] Let’s bust this place wide open!
Ruby: We’re all going to die.
Pokémaniacal 