X Nuzlocke, episode 13: Fairytales

(Yes, this really is still happening; I know I’ve been lazy)

Route 14

Spruce: Why would Lavoisier even have a spy working for him anyway?
Ruby: I imagine the ability to gather data in a clandestine fashion must have been useful to him from time to time.  A lot of organisations in Kalos are cagey about the information they share.
Spruce: But he always seemed so… uh… legitimate…
Ruby: Well, true, but… look, put it this way, Spruce: we work for him.
Spruce: …ah.  Right.
Ruby: Lavoisier’s no villain, but he has projects that he prefers kept under wraps.  Things that might receive an annoying level of scrutiny from an official ethics committee, or be zoned as ‘hazardous’ in an urban environment, you know the sort.
Spruce: I… really, really don’t.
Ruby: The point is, sometimes secrecy is an important trait in a minion. [muttering] Not that there’s any point in telling you that…
Fisher: Sometimes we must walk in darkness in order to bring greater evils to light – a lesson I am… gradually learning.
Spruce: What do you mean?
Fisher: All my life, I have served the glory of the Blessed Helix in pious devotion to His Holy Anarchy, bathed in His light.  Yet recently it has become clear to me that true Anarchy is beyond mortals like ourselves; the darkness of order, of Democracy, the way of the Dome Fossil, is just as much a part of our nature, and from it we may draw purpose and certainty to guide us through the divine chaos.  Both are necessary… to my faith, to our quest… to me.
Daku: Hmph.  An asinine theology for an asinine creature.
Ruby: Oh, will you please just stay quiet for one hour?  There’s no need to trash his religion while you talk down to him.
Daku: [sceptical] Is that so?  You’ve had no shortage of criticisms for the duck’s primitive fossil cult in the time I’ve spent with this… assemblage.
Ruby: …well, yeah, but…
Daku: Clearly even a being as base and craven as yourself recognises that your respective positions in the Hierarchy of Tiers dictate your responsibility to educate and better the NU trash.  His liberation from his outdated and tiresome faith is obviously one element of that duty.
Ruby: You condescending little-!  I have just about had it with your-
Fisher: My lady, please, there is no reason to become so… animated on my account! How could I call myself a Blessed Apostle if I could not tolerate criticisms of my faith, and answer them in good time?
Ruby: [unintelligible grumbling]
???: Delphox!  Stand and be called to account!
Ruby: What the-?
???: Behold, for justice is come upon you! [a cloud of pink mist surrounds the team]
Ruby: [coughing] What-!?  How-!?  Is this perfume!?
Martial: Show yourself, coward, and state your grievances openly!
Aromatisse: I stand before you as the messenger of judgement.  You, Delphox, are summoned before the High Sorceress in Laverre City to account for your actions!
Ruby: Summoned?  High Sorceress?  Actions?  For?  Account?  Mine?  Do you know who I am?
Aromatisse: [sigh] Unfortunately, yes, I am quite aware.
Ruby: I am Ruby the Delphox, fiery-
Aromatisse: -jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme, yes, yes, quite.  And as you can tell, yes, I have heard of you.
Ruby: Hmph.  Well, at least someone has. [glares at Daku] And what business, pray tell, does this so-called High Sorceress have with me?
Aromatisse: All mortal magic in Kalos is her business, Delphox, even that harnessed by such a petty witch as you.
Ruby: Petty!?  Who are you calling petty, you jumped up powder-puff!?
Aromatisse: [ahem] The agents of our Cabal are well aware of your tinkering with magical artefacts, and the damage you have risked to the underlying fabric of magic by subverting them for purposes they were never meant for.  My mistress hopes, for the moment, for a peaceful resolution, though to be honest, I do not put much trust in the humility of a self-proclaimed “sorceress supreme,” or whatever it is you call yourself.
Martial: Ah, hold a moment there – “self-proclaimed”?
Ruby: What?  Yes, yes, what of it?
Martial: You mean to say that you just… started calling yourself that one day?
Ruby: Well.  Yeah.  I mean.  Who else was going to give me the recognition I deserve?
Martial: It sounds to me as though this “Cabal” plans to give you exactly the recognition you deserve…
Aromatisse: You, Delphox, stand accused of meddling with the delicate balance of arcane magic, and overstepping your bounds by seeking to harness powers beyond the comprehension of a mere pyromancer-
Ruby: MERE PYROMANCER!?  I’ll have you know that in addition to my scintillating array of devastating fiery enchantments I have mastered several forms of nature magic, apotropaism, and mental-
Aromatisse: Oh… I’m sorry.  Mere hedge witch.
Ruby: WHY YOU LITTLE-!
Aromatisse: Charm.
Ruby: [dazed] -adorable fairy creature who smells like rainbows and can do no wrong. [blinks] Who are you again?
Aromatisse: As I was saying, for your reckless misuse of magic, you will be tried by the High Sorceress and judged accordingly.  You and your entourage will present yourselves at the Laverre City Gym by sunset tomorrow to justify yourselves, or we will be forced to take action against you.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have more important places to be and matters to attend to. [vanishes in a cloud of perfume]
Spruce: Well.  That happened.
Martial: As it eventually must…
Ruby: [blinks, shakes head] Those insolent little-!  Why, I- I- I’ll eviscerate the lot of them and make balloon animals of their entrails!  I’ll…
Spruce: …and she’s back.
Ruby: …with a rusty pike, and then…
Martial: In any case, clearly we must comply with their request and deliver the witch to this “high sorceress.”
Daku: What, and take orders from that RU lawn ornament?  And an- an upstart Fairy-type at that!?
Fisher: I too must protest, noble one!  What of more important matters, of our mission to stop Team Flare?  It is the will of the Blessed Helix that we pursue that course above all others, I am sure of it!
Martial: This organisation is apparently the closest thing in Kalos to body of magical law enforcement, and if we are to take them at their word they desire a peaceful resolution to any conflict.  Perhaps they can instil some semblance of responsibility in her.
Ruby: …out along a barbed wire fence dripping with Seviper venom…
Martial: …or perhaps not.
Daku: How easily you abdicate your responsibility to govern and enlighten your lessers-!  Master Amaldos, can you offer us any guidance?
Amaldos: We who smuggle wheelbarrows had best take care that the dirt we carry remain clear as mud to those with rocks in their heads.
Daku: …very well.  I see.
Spruce: You have no idea what any of that meant, don’t you?
Daku: Shut up, NU wretch.
???: Um.  Excuse me.
Fisher: Friends, do you hear something?
Ruby: …and pickle their extremities in vinegar for six days, so…
???: Excuse me!  Hello?
Spruce: Hello?  Who is that?
Ruby: …sideways, but slowly enough for them to feel it…
???: Uh… no one!  Just, uh… someone who needs to know the latest news from Lumiose City!  Someone who is no one.  No one important, I mean.
Martial: Show yourself, stranger, and we will help you if we can.  You need not fear us.
Ruby: …but then the cage will come down, and the spiders will…
Martial: …most of us.
???: Um.  O-o-okay.  Coming out now. [rustling]

Continue reading “X Nuzlocke, episode 13: Fairytales”

X Nuzlocke, episode 5: Bone Wars

Route 8

Spruce: …but we should still make sure we didn’t get turned around in those caves!  I hate not being able to see the sky!
Ruby: Argh.  Fine.  If it will shut you up, I’ll ask for directions.  You there!  Meditite, Inkay!  This is the Muraille Cliff Road, is it not?  We are heading in the direction of the Glittering Caves?
Inkay: Yes on both counts, traveller, but if the caves are your destination I must advise you to rethink your plans.
Meditite: Aye, there’s a right lot o’ Barney brewin’ down there.  ‘tid be Mae if you’d just turn round and ‘ead for Pope, mate.
Ruby: I have no idea what you just said and I think I’ve somehow become stupider by hearing it.
Meditite: Wot, don’t understand me chitty?  It’s well Glenn if you keep yer Donalds open.
Inkay: [sigh] He says the Glittering Caves are dangerous and you’d be better off returning home.
Spruce: …are you sure?
Inkay: Members of Sid’s… erm… ‘order’… speak a sort of patois based on rhyme.  They claim the constant wordplay keeps their minds sharp.  We’ve known each other a few months now and I’ve… gotten used to it.
Meditite: An’ yer a right fruit for it, Rommy, even if you do waste all yer grease ‘n’ grime on starin’ at the lah-dis ‘stead o’ thinkin’ ‘bout wot’s Isle and Pete.
Spruce: Order?  Just who are you, anyway?
Inkay: Oh.  Yes, of course; where are my manners?  My name is Andromeda, and my… friend, here, is Sid Arthur.
Sid Arthur: Wotcher, mates.
Ruby: And I am Ruby the Braixen, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme.  Perhaps you’ve heard of me.
Sid Arthur: Aw, we don’t really ‘ear of much at all up my way, not for donkey’s.
Andromeda: Both of us are too immersed in our respective studies to keep up with current events.  I am an astronomer, and Sid is part of a monastic order of sorts, making their home in these mountains.
Sid Arthur: Aye, we be seekin’ to rid ourselves o’ corruptin’ worldly things like bees an’ ‘oney, an’ give up our Jekyll ‘n’ ‘yde to reach an ‘igher two-an’-eight.
Ruby: Yes, yes, and I’m sure you do that very well, whatever it is, but what’s this about the caves?  If you mean to stand in my way, I promise you won’t be standing for long.
Sid Arthur: ‘ere now, there ain’t no need to be so Jodie; it’s just a bit o’ friendly advice is all.  You lot’ll be son-an’-daughtered if’n you take to read-an’-writin’ wit’ those ‘eapies wot’re takin’ over down there.
Andromeda: What Sid means is… human scientists have worked in the caves for some time without troubling the inhabitants.  I have ‘spoken’ with them a few times in the course of my studies, as far as one can speak with humans, and they have always been cordial, but recently they’ve started moving in heavy machines that have been threatening the caves’ integrity and frightening the local Pokémon.
Spruce: Ruby, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Ruby: I try not to.
Spruce: We’ve got ourselves a new quest!
Ruby: [sigh] Well, if nothing else, I can’t allow the humans to get their sweaty pink hands on my Mega Stone first… since we’re going there anyway, we may as well incinerate those responsible for this nonsense.
Sid Arthur: Oh, we don’t want no-one Simon!  The locals need ‘elp, and that’s eyes o’ blue all right, but a mince for a mince leaves the ‘ole world bacon; that’s wot I say.
Ruby: …yes.  Quite.  Come, minions.  There’s work to be done.
Andromeda: Good luck!  And be careful!
Sid Arthur: Aye, Friar Tuck to ye!
Spruce: Um… lamb shanks!
Sid Arthur: …you wot, mate?

Continue reading “X Nuzlocke, episode 5: Bone Wars”