One lunatic's love-hate relationship with the Pokémon franchise, and his addled musings on its rights, wrongs, ins and outs. Come one, come all, and indulge my delusions of grandeur as I inflict my opinions on anyone within shouting distance.
Today we’re going to look at… probably the closest thing that Ultra Sun and Moon have to an antagonist: the mysterious, sinister light-devouring Pokémon, Necrozma. With an all-black colour scheme, a name that incorporates the ancient Greek word for corpse, a mysterious extraterrestrial origin, and the ability to blast everything in sight with frikkin’ laser beams, this is clearly a Pokémon to run away from very fast. But what actually is it? Let’s discuss.
Continue reading “Necrozma”So… I guess it’s time to learn about native Hawaiian mythology, huh?
We’re on the home stretch of seventh-generation Pokémon now, and today we’re talking about the four guardian deities of the Alolan islands: Tapu Koko, Tapu Lele, Tapu Bulu and Tapu Fini. These four are deeply woven into Alolan culture and identity, and they have a special relationship with the Alolan trial system and its administrators, the four Island Kahunas. They’re also the pièce de résistance of generation VII’s unprecedented level of interest in taking inspiration from the culture, ecology and history of the real-world region its setting is based on.
Continue reading “Tapu Koko, Tapu Lele, Tapu Bulu and Tapu Fini”
Alola is a tropical paradise, and what would a tropical paradise be without a brightly-coloured and unforgivably gaudy tropical fish? Fish Pokémon never felt as inevitable as some of the other Pokémon classes, like the generic bird or the off-brand Pikachu, but there’s a lot of weird fish in the world and only so many Pokémon regions to stuff them into. Unfortunately their ranks include some of the most forgettable Pokémon in history, such as Finneon, Basculin and… y’know, the… that one. The other one. Alola’s designated fish, the teeth-gnashing Water/Psychic Pokémon Bruxish, is luckily a good deal less pointless than Finneon, Basculin, or what’s-its-butt. Let’s take a look. Continue reading “Bruxish”
Making strange arguments and dubious assertions about Pokémon lore is an important branch of my schtick. Normally this comes up in questions addressed to this blog, or in whatever mad articles I decide to write in between generational Pokémon reviews, or occasionally in my musings on playthroughs of new games. It’s relatively unusual for a routine Pokémon review to provoke me to a really energetic bit of wild speculation. Luckily(?), however, today we have just the Pokémon to set me off: Oranguru. Continue reading “Oranguru”
I do not have a good record with anything capable of earning the title of “gimmick” Pokémon – Pokémon whose schtick is some unique move, ability or game mechanic that was so clever Game Freak felt they could stop there, and didn’t need to have the Pokémon be any good or the design make any sense. Today we decide whether Oricorio, the dancing honeycreeper Pokémon, fits that description. Four interchangeable and mostly cosmetic forms, a weird signature move, a weirder ability… the phrase “walks like a duck, quacks like a duck” comes to mind, but let’s take a closer look. Continue reading “Oricorio”
Is it just me or have Psychic types really gone through an overhaul? In the first generation it was populated by bizarre, unnatural creatures like Mr Mime, Hypno, Exeggutor, and Starmie and now it’s basically the generic legendary type.
Well, I mean, I agree completely with your assertion that French mimes are bizarre and unnatural, but other than that, I don’t think so. Inkay and Malamar the mind-controlling land-squid in VI fit the bill of “bizarre and unnatural” to me, and V had Gothitelle, Sigilyph, Reuniclus and Beheeyem. I think partly you’re maybe just noticing that there are very few Psychic-types in generation VII. Like… Cosmog, Cosmoem, Solgaleo and Lunala are basically all one thing, then there’s that freaky prism demon, and Tapu Lele, and other than that, there’s… what, Bruxish and Oranguru? And honestly Oranguru (a.k.a. the Stalker Pokémon) gives me the creeps every bit as much as Hypno ever did.
I’m back from Italy and on the home stretch, with only three more Pokémon to go, so let’s check out today’s, the second of three Pokémon that still don’t officially exist according to Nintendo (and therefore have no official art; the pictures I’m using here are by Xous54 and are closely based on the in-game sprites): the enigmatic Meloetta.
Meloetta is a dainty humanoid Pokémon with powers related to music. Her arms and hands, as well as part of her headdress, are shaped like musical notes, and her wavy hair is reminiscent of a musical score. She can influence the emotions of people with her song, helping them to achieve the right state of mind for composing music, and could well be based on the Muses, the ancient Greek goddesses of inspiration, or possibly on less ancient interpretations of the same concept. There were traditionally supposed to be nine Muses, but Meloetta has only two forms (I’m not particularly bothered by this, incidentally; nine forms would be interesting but it would have been difficult to achieve enough differentiation between them to make it worthwhile), which are related to the two main ways humans can participate in music: song and dance. In her “Aria” form, Meloetta’s hair is green and flows out behind her, while in her “Pirouette” form, her orange hair is wrapped up around the top of her head like a turban and her skirt blows up around her like a ballerina’s tutu. Meloetta can switch from her Aria form, in which she is a Normal/Psychic dual-type, to her Pirouette form, in which she is a Normal/Fighting dual-type, by using an attack called Relic Song, a technique she forgot long ago but which she can remember with the help of a musician in Castelia City who will also tell you Meloetta’s story. Continue reading “Meloetta”
…oh, Victini, what did you do to deserve this? I know there are people who like Victini; I know they exist. Those people would be best served by turning around, sticking their fingers in their ears and chanting “la la la, I can’t hear you” for the duration of this entry.
Let’s have some background. Victini is the latest in a long line of “cute” legendary Pokémon. The Psychic cat Pokémon Mew is the fabled ancestor of all Pokémon. Celebi is a forest spirit who exists beyond time. Jirachi is a celestial fairy Pokémon who is only awake for one week in every thousand years, but can supposedly grant any wish in that time. Manaphy, the so-called prince of the sea, possesses unmatched empathic abilities and can touch the heart of any living thing. Last but not least, Shaymin, the guardian of meadows, is the personification of gratitude and has the power to harmlessly absorb any poison. Victini, the newest addition to the group, is the embodiment of victory. Victini is said to be a source of boundless energy, which he can share with anyone who touches his body. As such, possessing Victini is supposedly an absolute guarantee of victory. I don’t just mean victory in battle either; Victini is victory itself and can bring success in any kind of situation with any possible outcome that might be considered ‘winning’. Continue reading “Victini”
This must be the weirdest concept for a Pokémon ever.
Well, okay, Deoxys is a shapeshifting psychic virus from space, that’s pretty weird. And Mawile is some kind of metallic rabbit-thing with a huge pair of jaws growing out of the back of its head. And Breloom is an overgrown mushroom that punches things. And Garchomp is a shark with arms, legs, claws and armour spikes. That flies.
…what the hell kind of game am I playing here anyway?
Even so, Solosis is an odd idea. He’s… well, a cell. Some kind of nucleus-type structure, suspended in a mysterious green fluid that shields his delicate body from the elements, with almost no discernable anatomical features. Continue reading “Solosis, Duosion and Reuniclus”
Today’s Pokémon comes straight from Roswell, New Mexico, where they don’t know what to do with him either. Meet Elgyem, the… well, the LGM (Little Green Man) Pokémon.
Elgyem’s problem is that he’s the second “cute alien” Pokémon – the first, of course, being Clefairy. The good news for him is that, in aesthetic terms at least, Clefairy puts a lot of emphasis on “cute” while Elgyem puts more emphasis on “alien,” and also has psychic powers. Still, they’re both Pokémon that supposedly arrived from space, are probably more intelligent than most other species, and may have some kind of secret agenda. Continue reading “Elgyem and Beheeyem”
Pokémaniacal 