One lunatic's love-hate relationship with the Pokémon franchise, and his addled musings on its rights, wrongs, ins and outs. Come one, come all, and indulge my delusions of grandeur as I inflict my opinions on anyone within shouting distance.
Oh, hey, a Pokéball.
Wait, wait. I’m not falling for that. It’s not really a Pokéball; it’s a Voltorb.
Hang on; there are no old Pokémon in Unova! I’m safe! Which means… whoohoo, free stuff! Now, what’s ins-
…damnit, Foongus!
Today’s Pokémon are Foongus and Amoonguss (and yes, I knew what the adult form was going to be called as soon as I met the juvenile). Continue reading “Foongus and Amoonguss”
I mentioned recently that it’s been a good year for Bug Pokémon, and it continues to be… well, interesting at least… with these curious specimens: Karrablast, Escavalier, Shelmet and Accelgor. Shelmet is a fairly unexciting pink snail-like Pokémon that lives inside a helmet and sprays acid when people bother it, and Karrablast is an utterly unremarkable horned beetle that… sprays acid when people bother it. Things get interesting when we put them together. When Karrablast and Shelmet are “bathed in an electric-like energy together” (obfuscating Pokédex-speak for “when you trade a Karrablast for a Shelmet”) both of them evolve in a rather unusual way: Karrablast swipes Shelmet’s armour. Continue reading “Karrablast, Escavalier, Shelmet and Accelgor”
Okay, guys, we’re on a roll: Haxorus, Galvantula, Reuniclus and Ferrothorn; that’s four in a row! And the next entry in the Pokédex is…
…yeah, I totally just jinxed myself, didn’t I?
My next Pokémon is Emolga, the cute electrical rodent Pokémon. Yes, you’re experiencing déjà vu for a reason. It’s a glitch in Game Freak’s design process; it happens when they change nothing. Because, yes, this is exactly what you think it is: a flying Pikachu. Continue reading “Emolga”
Today’s Pokémon are Ferroseed and Ferrothorn, the… uh… the… spiky… metal… plant-things…
Google, help me out here.
…y’know, I don’t think anyone has a completely satisfactory explanation as to what Ferroseed and Ferrothorn are. People think they’re based on the durian, the world’s most passive-aggressive fruit, which comes from South-East Asia. It tastes delicious, smells revolting, is covered in vicious thorns, and is perfectly capable of killing you if it falls on your head. In many respects, Ferroseed is very much like a durian; he’s round, spiky, vegetative, and wishes that the world and everything in it would just leave him alone. However, he’s also made of iron, lives on the walls of caves and survives by leaching minerals from the rocks. I suppose when you think about it this is the logical conclusion for a fruit that clearly wants nothing to do with anyone – hiding in a cold, dark place, sucking on rocks and jabbing anyone who bothers you. Continue reading “Ferroseed and Ferrothorn”
This must be the weirdest concept for a Pokémon ever.
Well, okay, Deoxys is a shapeshifting psychic virus from space, that’s pretty weird. And Mawile is some kind of metallic rabbit-thing with a huge pair of jaws growing out of the back of its head. And Breloom is an overgrown mushroom that punches things. And Garchomp is a shark with arms, legs, claws and armour spikes. That flies.
…what the hell kind of game am I playing here anyway?
Even so, Solosis is an odd idea. He’s… well, a cell. Some kind of nucleus-type structure, suspended in a mysterious green fluid that shields his delicate body from the elements, with almost no discernable anatomical features. Continue reading “Solosis, Duosion and Reuniclus”
This has been a good year for Bug Pokémon. Black and White introduced Leavanny and Scolipede, who, despite not being remarkably powerful, finally banished the unfortunate cliché of Bug-types that appear early in the game, evolve quickly, peak early, and ultimately prove useless. So far, I’ve also looked at the bizarre but surprisingly intriguing Crustle and the awe-inspiring solar moth, Volcarona, both fun and powerful additions to the Bug-type hive. Like Volcarona, the Pokémon I’m looking at today – Joltik and Galvantula – draw much of their uniqueness from something very simple, a new type combination: Bug/Electric. Continue reading “Joltik and Galvantula”
Time to bring out the big guns. Dragon Pokémon have always had a reputation for being among the roughest, toughest, most ornery Pokémon around, and my subjects today are no exception. Axew, Fraxure and Haxorus are territorial Pokémon that fight with pairs of massive tusks shaped like the blades of a double-axe, which grow harder, sharper and more powerful as they evolve, chopping through first wood, then rock, then steel. Oddly enough, Axew’s tusks quickly regenerate when broken, but Fraxure’s will not (presumably Haxorus’ won’t either, but since the Pokédex is silent on that question it’s entirely possible that there’s never been a recorded instance of a Haxorus’ tusk breaking in the first place). I doubt that’s a mistake; even I give Game Freak more credit than that, but I’m not sure what, if anything, it’s supposed to imply; maybe Axew have greater vitality because of their youth? Continue reading “Axew, Fraxure and Haxorus”
Oh look. Another bird Pokémon. Whoo. I am ecstatic. Can you tell?
Luckily for him, Braviary is a huge badass eagle Pokémon that knocks the stuffing out of Pokémon like Fearow and Pidgeot. Even more luckily for him, that’s not all he is. The single feather on Rufflet’s head, and Braviary’s feather ‘headdress,’ seem to be intended to call to mind the headgear of Native American warriors of the central United States, like the Comanche and Cheyenne. As such, their personality is centred around a warrior outlook; they fight each other often for practice, but protect each other ferociously when attacked. Battle scars are a mark of prestige with them and they never back down from fear of a strong opponent. Braviary is incredibly strong and can lift small cars in flight (no, I’m sure it’s not possible but who cares?) and Rufflet can… crush berries with his claws? Am I missing something here? The Pokédex reports that as though it should sound impressive, but… what? Continue reading “Rufflet and Braviary”
Two more bird Pokémon enter the fray, these ones based on the humble duck and regal swan. Are they interesting? Probably not? Are they powerful? I doubt it. Do I like them? Heck no, but let’s look at them anyway.
Part of me assumes that Ducklett and Swanna are supposed to reference the fairy tale of the ugly duckling, the repulsive-looking baby bird who was shunned by his peers and the rest of the animal kingdom, suffered untold hardships in a cruel world he was not made to live in, grew strong from adversity by learning the true meaning of friendship, and died alone in the middle of a swamp, upside down with his head jammed into a hollow log filled with soft peat. Or something like that. I’m a little hazy on the finer details. Anyway, I originally assumed that’s what Ducklett and Swanna are about, but I’m no longer sure that can be it because Ducklett really isn’t ugly. She’s not flat-out adorable but she’s reasonably cute. If that is what Game Freak were aiming for with this design then they picked a strange way to go about it. Continue reading “Ducklett and Swanna”
Today’s Pokémon are Game Freak’s most recent addition to the “cute fuzzy Normal-type” pool: Minccino and Cinccino, the chinchilla Pokémon. Now, I’ve expressed irritation in the past that there were already quite enough of these, and summarily executed Audino on those grounds since, let’s face it, she’s Chansey 2.0. Minccino’s odds are, to put it mildly, not looking good.
Upon closer inspection, however, a lot of the things that bug me about Audino don’t really apply to Minccino. Audino was another pink, vaguely-humanoid, fairy-looking thing along the lines of Wigglytuff, Chansey and Clefable. Minccino and Cinccino aren’t conspicuously similar to the earlier Pokémon in the way that Audino is; really the only major commonality is that they’re cute. They’re more naturalistic, more like the animals they’re based on, which is something of a trend in the more recent generations of Pokémon. I’m not sure whether I like it or not. Here, however, it does succeed in creating quite a different flavour, so this time I’m happy. Continue reading “Minccino and Cinccino”
Pokémaniacal 