Anonymous asks:

What are your thoughts on each Star Wars film, including Rogue One? Nothing elaborate like your usual posts! Just a few sentences for each film, maybe? And maybe a rating?

wait why is this my job

oh fine

Okay, so… unpopular opinion, but I don’t hate the prequels.  I mean, they’re clearly not great works of cinema, but I’m not old enough to have been part of, like, OG Star Wars fandom, so I don’t have the sense of “aaaargh childhood RUINED FOREVERRRRR,” and… I actually kinda like the brighter, more colourful world of the galaxy under the Republic; I even think the lighter tone makes sense for the story.  I don’t even hate Jar Jar Binks; heck, I don’t even hate midichlorians, although it doesn’t make a lot of sense that everyone seems to just… like… forget about them after Episode I.  Episode III rushes Anakin’s fall to the dark side and gives him the idiot ball a lot, but let’s be fair here, we already know from the previous two movies that he is an idiot, so…

The original trilogy is great, but to be honest I first watched it so long ago that I don’t actually remember what I thought about any of it at the time, and now it’s become so much a building block of something bigger in my mind that I find it difficult to actually have opinions about; it’s just there as an immutable landmark of the pop culture landscape.  I don’t know what I think of the twist of Darth Vader [uh… SPOILERS, I guess?] turning out to be Luke’s father in Episode V, because I literally can’t remember not knowing that.

Episode VII is… in a lot of ways, kind of eh?  Like, it feels like they were trying so hard to stay true to the original trilogy that they just remade Episode IV with a diverse 21st century cast (which, y’know, great, I approve, but come on, let them have their own plot), and also Harrison Ford still isn’t dead yet.  If Star Wars were owned by DC or Marvel instead of Lucasfilm and Disney, they could have just literally remade Episode IV (in fact, they probably would have done it two or three times by now) and rebooted the whole franchise, and in some ways that might have been a better choice.  I will give them this, though; I do think Kylo Ren is a really interesting villain, as a character who falls to the dark side and gets all the cool powers and stuff when he absolutely 100% is not ready for it and cannot handle it.  He shows how the dark side can seriously f&#$ you up in a way that, I think, we hadn’t seen before.  I also really enjoyed Rogue One; the whole “doomed mission” thing made for an interesting kind of storytelling, although I would like to point out that we see nothing of the “many Bothans [who] died to bring us this information,” which is just a real slap in the face to the many brave sacrifices of the Bothan people.  Or something.

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