jeffthelinguist asks:

Are you safe? I know you’ve been taking a break but it’s also been a few weeks since I’ve seen any activity from you and the world is possibly ending, just want to make sure you’re surviving into the apocalypse.

There is no cause for alarm. My university is shutting down all in-person classes, I have warded my apartment against the demons of plague by means of the sacrifice of an infant chupacabra, and I have purchased enough lentils to make soup for the next hundred and fifty years. Although I am presently showing no symptoms, there is a strong possibility that I do in fact have the plague, since my department has had several visitors from northern Italy in the weeks immediately preceding the Italian lockdown. Nonetheless, my general good health (I am young with no preexisting respiratory conditions) and my assorted pacts with Dark Forces from Parts Unknown will likely sustain me, so my main concern is to avoid infecting others. I intend to enter a period of silent meditation and work on my PhD thesis (and, uh… hopefully Pokémon stuff too, which should resume shortly). Furthermore, I have constructed a powerful ritual such that, in the event that the plague does claim my life, the entire human race will perish along with me, and none of you will need to suffer the burden of living on in my absence. I know this is what all my devoted readers would want.

6 thoughts on “jeffthelinguist asks:

  1. Let us now give our thanks to Opera, the OC my username is referring to, for instating Operation Fourth Wall to ensure that Chris’ jokes are definitely jokes. (Okay, technically there aren’t any limits to the stupidity I’m willing to believe academia engages in, but the point is that the only means of preventing the Crisis on Infinite Earths from having killed us all also prevents stuff like this from working. (Okay, technically some of us weren’t born yet when those comics came out, but that just makes things more dire.))


  2. We should all rest easy knowing that if we die, it’ll only take a few thousand years for us to be reborn as small, weeping spirits cursed to carry our own faces around as macabre talismans.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Thank you for the reassurance! The college I work at has done the same, it’s crazy right now, and given universities seem to be one of the more at risk areas, just wanted to make sure all is well!

    Also, thank you for that pact, it looks like whatever happens will have a good outcome.


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