Squidward Tentacles asks:

I Could no longer….

Anyways, how do you think gamefreak would approach restoring Kyurem to the original Dragon?

My idea would be (as true to the seemingly benevolent natures of the protagonist in the games). Reshiram and Zekrom giving a piece of their essence, which would then be transformed into a mega stone for Kyurem

Well I am not Game Freak, as I have learned over the course of the last seven years, slowly, painfully and at great material and mystical cost.  What we actually know about any plans Game Freak may ever have had to release this Pokémon (let’s call it “Primal Kyurem” for the sake of argument – I think Primal Reversion is arguably a better analogy for what we’re doing than Mega Evolution) is that there is an unobtainable item lingering in the code of all the games from Black and White onwards, called the God Stone.  Aside from its grey colour, it looks exactly like the Light Stone and Dark Stone, the dormant forms of Reshiram and Zekrom, which are plot-critical items in the final versions of Black and White.  Not enough information is left in the finished games for us to deduce what the God Stone was intended to be for.  It might have been meant as a dormant form of Kyurem, but the name “God Stone” seems altogether too grand for a being as diminished and broken as Kyurem.  I suspect it is the item, created by somehow merging the Light and Dark Stones, that would be absorbed by Kyurem (as it absorbs the Light Stone or Dark Stone at the climax of Black or White 2) to restore it to its “primal” state.  But even if this is true, the notion was probably abandoned at a relatively early stage of the games’ development cycle. Continue reading “Squidward Tentacles asks:”

Robin asks:

What are some of your least favourite Pokémon, and for what reasons?

This is the sort of question that gets me into trouble.

I… try to muster a semblance of objectivity when I write reviews; of course I do, and of course that is impossible, and of course personal aesthetic sensibilities colour everything I’ve ever written, because if they didn’t, then it wouldn’t be me writing, and what would even be the point?  But there’s a couple of Pokémon that I have… issues with.  Issues which, I will hasten to point out, are personal and strange and in general offensive to people who actually like those Pokémon, but that does seem to be what you’re asking for.  So. Continue reading “Robin asks:”

Elchar asks:

Wait so we can just asking you about your thoughts on random Pokémon? I think you have just set a dangerous precedent for yourself. Anyway. My favorite Pokémon ever are Voltorb and Electrode actually. What are your thoughts on them and their battle power? And if Electrode could get Mega evolution, how would you set its stats, types and abilities? Thanks.

Ehhhhhhh… yeee-es?  In principle, sort of.  I try not to make a habit of it, because it has in the past led to an inbox piled high with more “ooh, talk about my favourite next!” than I can deal with.  I prefer to prioritise more specific questions, and I don’t particularly enjoy coming up with design ideas for mega evolutions, because to do a good one requires thinking at right angles to a Pokémon’s base design in a way that I’m not terribly good at.  Having said all that, you did ask, so… Continue reading “Elchar asks:”

Ty asks:

What are your thoughts on Mr. Mime? He was always an odd Pokemon that most kids thought were weird back when Gen I was the only Gen, at least as much as I remember. Do you think that persists? Is there a reason why Mr. Mimes can be both male and female when Jynxes are only female? Would you say the addition of Fairy-type helped or hurt Mr. Mime thematically? Is there anything you would do, if you could, to empower Mr. Mime competitively?

…hmm?

What?

A- a question!?

A question!  A real proper question that isn’t from an obnoxious cartoon squid!  Get our whole research team on it, right this-

What do you mean that’s just me!?  Well, get the front-of-house staff on it, stoke the forge, advance our king’s bishop to C4, set up snipers on the roof, and someone take this guest’s coat! Continue reading “Ty asks:”

Salandit and Salazzle

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Salandit

I think it’s time to explore some of the more hostile reaches of Alola, with the volcano-dwelling salamander Pokémon, Salandit and Salazzle. Salandit and Salazzle could be based on any of several things, or a mix of all of them, or none of them. Physically they resemble fire belly newts (genus Cynops), a group of newt species native to Japan and southern and eastern China (in the strictest scientific sense, newts are a branch of the salamander family and, compared to other salamanders, remain more aquatic even after leaving their tadpole stage; the words are often used interchangeably though). Fire belly newts are so called for their black colouring with bright red or yellow flame-like markings, which warn predators that they are poisonous and unsafe to eat – so we have a ready-made fusion of the Fire and Poison elements right there. Salamanders also have a very long history of being associated with fire, with stories that they bathe in flames going back at least as far as Aristotle. We could almost stop at that – Salandit and Salazzle are fire salamanders that breathe fire, and they’d hardly be the first Pokémon to come out of “real animal + appropriate-sounding elemental powers” (*cough*Beartic*cough*). But no; there’s more to these crafty amphibians, and as so often in Alola, we can look for answers in the real archipelago of Hawai’i. Continue reading “Salandit and Salazzle”

Mareanie and Toxapex

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Mareanie

Today we’ll be looking at some of Alola’s more passive-aggressive denizens, the Brutal Star Pokémon, Mareanie and Toxapex. Their physical designs are a little bit cryptic – Mareanie looks like a sort of spikey anemone, while Toxapex… Toxapex resembles nothing so much as a cancerous uvula glued to the inside of a dilapidated sea mine, with her twelve arms locking together to form an impenetrable dome that protects against not only predators but the force of waves, tides and ocean storms. In appearance, probably the closest animal to Toxapex would be something like a sea urchin, so bristling with spikes that its real body is essentially invisible, and probably not what you’re most worried about anyway. But it’s from their place in Alola’s ecology – specifically their relationship with one particular Pokémon, Corsola – that makes it clear that they’re probably supposed to be based on the dreaded crown-of-thorns starfish, Acanthaster planci, an unusual many-armed, spiny starfish found throughout much of the Pacific ocean.  Continue reading “Mareanie and Toxapex”

Squidward Tentacles asks:

I’d tell you a random fact about fish, but I work with them every day. I hate them. I hate working at the Krusty Krab. I hate the nautical nonsense of a ninny that flips burgers right behind me every day.

Good day sir! I SAID good day!

Mmm.  I sympathise.  Unfortunately fish are often very stupid, and sponges, I’ve heard, are worse (though strangely proficient in fine dining and breathing).  Crabs, however, are the highest form of life in the universe, as demonstrated by the fact that evolution keeps trying to turn other animals into crabs, and you should feel honoured to work for one.  If you need something to take your mind off your coworker’s ceaseless blithering, try Jim the Editor’s randomised Kingslocke playthrough of Fire Red, now returning after an unfortunate but necessary hiatus to focus on work – or try out the rules yourself, and let me know how it goes!

Fomantis and Lurantis

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Fomantis

Today we’re talking about Fomantis and Lurantis, the “Sickle Grass Pokémon” and “Bloom Sickle Pokémon,” a pair of deceptive Grass-types that take on the appearance of insects, their names evoking the words “faux” and “lure.” According to the Pokédex, Lurantis is often called “the most glamorous Grass Pokémon,” which… well, I think Roserade, Lilligant, Virizion and fellow Alolan Grass-type Tsareena are all going to want a word with you about that one, Lurantis, but for now we’ll agree that you’re top 5 material. Let’s take a closer look. Continue reading “Fomantis and Lurantis”