Lumiose City
Lavoisier: [on holo-caster] I’m telling you, your human’s famous! I keep seeing his picture around the city! I tried to show the Professor but he just kinda shook his head and made a clicking noise.
Ruby: What are you wittering about? What on earth would this idiot be famous for?
Daku: Certainly not his understanding of team composition or moveset structure…
Spruce: Maybe it’s for his cooking? That’s pretty good.
Fisher: Indeed; it will almost be a shame to have to return to the stolid fare of the temple kitchens when my travels with this group are done.
Ruby: …well, all right, I admit he’s not useless, but a cinnamon Poké-puff is hardly grounds for serious publicity.
Lavoisier: I think you’re just jealous that your human is more well-known than you are.
Ruby: Wh-!? You-! I am known and feared throughout the land as the mightiest sorceress who ever lived! He is a half-witted, defenceless newborn whose presence is somehow required to keep me from being considered “a menace to society” or “an unstable maniac” or “oh god please stop setting fire to things”!
Lavoisier: Well, he’s the one with his face on posters saying “WANTED” all over Lumiose City.
Ruby: …what did you just say?
Lavoisier: The posters. They have the human word “WANTED” on them. Like, they want him around. They miss him!
???: CITIZENS ENTERING LUMIOSE CITY LIMITS. HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Ruby: …$#!t. Uh, I’ll call you back, Lavoisier. MINIONS! Hide the human!
Martial: Hide him? How?
Ruby: I don’t know! Dig a hole, or put a paper bag over his head or something!
Magneton: HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Fisher: I can call upon the shadows of the Dome to conceal him!
Ruby: Which one is the Dome? Is that the evil one?
Fisher: Actually, my lady, I have come to believe that is a matter of great theological nuance, and-
Ruby: Oh, shut up; you’ll probably just suck out his soul and turn him into a vegetable.
Magneton: REPEAT: CITIZENS ENTERING LUMIOSE CITY LIMITS. HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Ruby: Spruce! Sit on his head!
Spruce: What?
Ruby: Sit. On. His. Head!
Chris: What the-!? Hey; easy there, Spruce, what are you-?
Ruby: Cover his face with your wings!
Chris: -mrfllmmrrrmmrfff!
Ruby: …good enough!
Magneton: CITIZENS, IDENTIFY. YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO COMPLY OR THIS UNIT WILL BE AUTHORISED TO EMPLOY COERCIVE MEASURES.
Ruby: Right! You! Who are you to make such demands, and what do you want of me and my minions?
Magneton: I-DEN-TI-FY.
Ruby: I am Ruby the Delphox, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme! Perhaps you’ve heard of me?
Magneton: ERROR 48. YOUR STRING “fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme” COULD NOT BE FOUND. IDENTIFY.
Daku: Is it your normal practice to question all who enter your city, good sir? I have not been here in some time, but I recall nothing of the sort on my last visit.
Ruby: [muttering] Oh, sure, the robot gets a ‘good sir’…
Magneton: ERROR 63. PROCEDURAL RESOLUTION COULD NOT BE READ. RESTARTING PROCESS 3-B-RED LOCKDOWN. BZZT. CITIZENS ENTERING LUMIOSE CITY LIMITS. HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Amaldos: If a man sits in a room with a dictionary that allows him to speak perfect Chinese and a vial of poisonous gas that will kill him if a sensor detects radiation, would a computer be able to distinguish him from a dead cat?
Magneton: BZZT. ERROR 102. CANNOT RESOLVE SYNTAX. BLEEEEEP-WEEP-BEEP. ERROR 81. EXISTENTIAL QUANDARY DETECTED. REROUTING THROUGH HINDBRAIN.
Amaldos: A hole in your bag will lighten your load. A hole in your mind may do the same.
Magneton: ERROR 0. ERROR NOT FOUND. Bzzzzzzzt-PING-FFFZZZZZZL [starts smoking].
Spruce: Uh… I… think you broke him.
???: Larry!
Ruby: Oh good; more new friends…
Heliolisk: Larry! What on earth-? [To Ruby] I’m sorry about this.
Magneton: ERROR. ERROR. ERROR.
Heliolisk: You’re fine, Larry. Execute routine Clemont-Phi-Thirteen.
Magneton: EXECUTING. BZZT-whistle-DING!
Heliolisk: Feeling better?
Magneton: AFFIRMATIVE. REQUEST STATUS.
Heliolisk: I’m good too, Larry; thanks. Why don’t you just wait here for a bit while I help these citizens, and then we’ll take you over to Magenta Plaza to supervise some of the rewiring?
Magneton: ACKNOWLEDGED.
Spruce: …is he always like this?
Heliolisk: Yeah, he’s been a bit out of sorts ever since he died and we put his brain in an old Magneton chassis.
Spruce: Oh, yeah, I guess that would- wait what?
Heliolisk: Sort an experiment on our human’s part. He used to be an Ampharos. Hmm. What… what sort of Pokémon are you, exactly?
Chris: Mrrffllmfff!
Spruce: Uh… I’m a… Facebird.
Heliolisk: A… Facebird.
Fisher: An extremely rare Humanshape species from the far distant land of Orre!
Heliolisk: I…see. Right. Well, again, I’m sorry about the business with Larry. We wouldn’t normally have controls like this, you see; it’s just that, with the recent trouble at the power plant, a good part of the city had to be locked down for a while, just to keep order. And then when the plant came back online yesterday there was a huge surge that knocked out several critical substations… It’s been a mess. We’re trying to keep a close watch on everyone entering and leaving the city, just for security reasons.
Daku: Sensibly enough. You serve your duty well, Heliolisk.
Heliolisk: …I should hope so. Now, I’ll just need to get your names, and then you can go on through.
Ruby: Very well, peasant. I am Ruby the Delphox, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme! Perhaps you’ve heard of me?
Heliolisk: …yes. Yes I have. [to Magneton] Larry, initiate routine Clemont-Alpha-Zero.
Magneton: EXECUTING. BREEEEEEEEEEP! RED ALERT! BREEEEEEEEEP! ALL AVAILABLE UNITS TO NORTHWEST GATE! EMERGENCY LOCKDOWN IN EFFECT! BREEEEEEEEEEP! RED ALERT!
Daku: What is this!? Stand down at once; I demand to speak to your commander!
Heliolisk: I am the high commander of Lumiose City’s Pokémon defenders, and all of you are under arrest on suspicion of involvement in multiple recent catastrophes, including the sabotage of the Lumiose Power Plant! Now, are you going to come quietly, or do we have to make this ugly?
Spruce: Well, um-
Martial: If legitimate civic authorities wish to detain us, we have no choice but to-
Ruby: BA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear, lizard! You are speaking to the sorceress supreme! Prepare to feel the wrath of my awesome magical power!
Daku: For once, we are in agreement! I will not be imprisoned by some barely-UU petty officer!
Heliolisk: Oh goody. Larry! Combat pattern Clemont-Omega-Two! Let’s smoke these terrorists!


Ash, Pikachu, Misty and Brock find a carnival! Hooray! Ash and Brock promptly get changed into… I don’t even know. Frills. Misty and Pikachu, in a fit of embarrassment, ditch them and run into a down-on-his-luck magician named Melvin and his Pokémon partner, an Exeggcute. Misty foolishly agrees to fill in as his beautiful assistant for a little while… and is mortified when Ash and Brock turn up to watch the show. Melvin has zero stage presence, lacklustre juggling skills, and a fire spell that singes the audience and sets off the tent’s sprinkler system, causing everyone to leave in disgust. Ash tells Melvin not to give up, and devises his own magic act by stuffing his Pokémon into a chest and pretending to conjure fire and water. Misty watches in mock amazement until Charmander accidentally sets the others on fire and the whole thing dissolves into chaos. Ash notes that Exeggcute doesn’t do much… so the Pokémon uses Hypnosis to turn Ash into Melvin’s obedient mind-slave. They run off into the nearby Leaf Forest, without Brock and Misty, where Ash helps Melvin to capture a herd of Exeggutor, so he can brainwash people into… enjoying his magic show. Dream big, Mel. Dream big. Team Rocket appear and capture the ineffectual magician, and his Exeggcute evolves to save him, but unfortunately his newfound powers drive the other Exeggutor insane and start a stampede. By the time Misty and Brock find Ash and get him back to the carnival, the ringmaster has planted a bomb to destroy the rampaging Exeggutor before they cause too much harm. Ash quickly realises that only Charmander’s fire can snap them out of their trance, but Charmander isn’t strong enough to deal with all of them at once. Misty convinces Melvin that his fire spell WILL work if he really tries, and he does, and it does. The stampede ends, the Exeggutor go home, un-exploded, and Charmander is rewarded for his perseverance by evolving into Charmeleon.
I really have only a couple of minor points to bring up for this episode. The first is that Hypnosis, which in the games just puts Pokémon to sleep, is used here (as in some other episodes) as a mind-control power. The fact that a power of this nature exists is clearly awesome, if a little worrying. The second is that Melvin’s Exeggcute apparently manages to evolve without the use of a Leaf Stone, as did, presumably, all the other Exeggutor in the herd. No-one questions this at the time; Ash is too stoned to care, Melvin probably doesn’t know how Exeggcute are supposed to evolve anyway, and Brock and Misty aren’t there. I can think of three explanations for this. 1) The writers screwed up… and, let’s be honest, this one has Occam’s Razor on its side here. 2) Stones aren’t the only way to make Pokémon that use them evolve; they’re just the easiest way, which, of course, massively affects the arguments in play in Electric Shock Showdown and the Battling Eevee Brothers. 3) The area is named the “Leaf Forest” because there are actually Leaf Stones buried there, or crushed and mixed through the soil, or something similar, and these unusual conditions allow Grass Pokémon to evolve there when they wouldn’t otherwise be able to (years later, it was established in an episode of the Johto series that Leaf Stones and Sun Stones can in fact remain potent if crushed and distributed on the wind, though obviously the writers of this episode didn’t know that yet). You may decide for yourself which seems most likely.
A few days later, near a hick town called Mossgreen Village, Meowth succumbs to a terrible fever. Jessie and James shrug; “he’s got eight lives left.” They are approached by a woman called Cassandra, who admonishes them for not taking better care of him and gives them some powerful medicine to cure the fever. Meowth, who has a bit of a human fetish, immediately falls in love with her. Later, looking for a Pokémon Centre and finding none, Ash himself meets Cassandra and learns she has a problem. Cassandra and her grandmother run a small shop selling herbal medicines, and she wants her Paras to evolve into a Parasect so she can use his spores in creating new miracle potions, but he’s too cowardly to fight, and can’t gain any experience points. Ash tries to challenge Cassandra and throw the match, but even the tiniest spark from Pikachu and the gentlest spray of water from Squirtle send Paras reeling… and then Ash tries Charmeleon. Charmeleon has no interest in toning things down and chases Paras off with a Flamethrower. In the woods, Paras falls in with Meowth. Meowth thinks that Cassandra will love him if he helps Paras, and drags Jessie and James into the scheme with promises of the vast wealth Cassandra’s miracle potion will bring. He quietly sabotages Arbok and Weezing when they battle Paras, and then pretends to faint from a gentle poke. Drunk on Exp., Paras goes to challenge Pikachu to a rematch, which Pikachu throws once again, this time successfully. Charmeleon remains unruly, but Team Rocket show up to cheer for Paras, who manages to stab Charmeleon into submission and evolves into Parasect at last, before finishing Charmeleon off with Spore. Unfortunately for Meowth, Cassandra refuses to take him on as the mascot of her company – she could never break up his team! Besides, her grandmother has just dragged in a random wild Persian that will serve just as well.

There’s something about Charizard. Maybe it’s the inherent awesomeness of Fire as an element. Maybe it’s the allure of his base set trading card, whose Fire Spin was pretty much the most powerful attack in the game. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a goddamn freakin’ dragon. Charizard is easily the most popular of the first-generation starters and, despite my perpetual love affair with the Grass type, I have to admit that it’s easy to see why. Charmander may be cute as a button but one look at his burning tail shows that he means business nonetheless. Charmeleon has the look of a proud fighter who loves to punch above his weight. Charizard simply demands respect, and incinerates anyone who denies him. What more could we possibly want?

