Lavoisier: [on holo-caster] I’m telling you, your human’s famous! I keep seeing his picture around the city! I tried to show the Professor but he just kinda shook his head and made a clicking noise.
Ruby: What are you wittering about? What on earth would this idiot be famous for?
Daku: Certainly not his understanding of team composition or moveset structure…
Spruce: Maybe it’s for his cooking? That’s pretty good.
Fisher: Indeed; it will almost be a shame to have to return to the stolid fare of the temple kitchens when my travels with this group are done.
Ruby: …well, all right, I admit he’s not useless, but a cinnamon Poké-puff is hardly grounds for serious publicity.
Lavoisier: I think you’re just jealous that your human is more well-known than you are.
Ruby: Wh-!? You-! I am known and feared throughout the land as the mightiest sorceress who ever lived! He is a half-witted, defenceless newborn whose presence is somehow required to keep me from being considered “a menace to society” or “an unstable maniac” or “oh god please stop setting fire to things”!
Lavoisier: Well, he’s the one with his face on posters saying “WANTED” all over Lumiose City.
Ruby: …what did you just say?
Lavoisier: The posters. They have the human word “WANTED” on them. Like, they want him around. They miss him!
???: CITIZENS ENTERING LUMIOSE CITY LIMITS. HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Ruby: …$#!t. Uh, I’ll call you back, Lavoisier. MINIONS! Hide the human!
Martial: Hide him? How?
Ruby: I don’t know! Dig a hole, or put a paper bag over his head or something!
Magneton: HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Fisher: I can call upon the shadows of the Dome to conceal him!
Ruby: Which one is the Dome? Is that the evil one?
Fisher: Actually, my lady, I have come to believe that is a matter of great theological nuance, and-
Ruby: Oh, shut up; you’ll probably just suck out his soul and turn him into a vegetable.
Magneton: REPEAT: CITIZENS ENTERING LUMIOSE CITY LIMITS. HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Ruby: Spruce! Sit on his head!
Ruby: Sit. On. His. Head!
Chris: What the-!? Hey; easy there, Spruce, what are you-?
Ruby: Cover his face with your wings!
Ruby: …good enough!
Magneton: CITIZENS, IDENTIFY. YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO COMPLY OR THIS UNIT WILL BE AUTHORISED TO EMPLOY COERCIVE MEASURES.
Ruby: Right! You! Who are you to make such demands, and what do you want of me and my minions?
Ruby: I am Ruby the Delphox, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme! Perhaps you’ve heard of me?
Magneton: ERROR 48. YOUR STRING “fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme” COULD NOT BE FOUND. IDENTIFY.
Daku: Is it your normal practice to question all who enter your city, good sir? I have not been here in some time, but I recall nothing of the sort on my last visit.
Ruby: [muttering] Oh, sure, the robot gets a ‘good sir’…
Magneton: ERROR 63. PROCEDURAL RESOLUTION COULD NOT BE READ. RESTARTING PROCESS 3-B-RED LOCKDOWN. BZZT. CITIZENS ENTERING LUMIOSE CITY LIMITS. HALT AND IDENTIFY.
Amaldos: If a man sits in a room with a dictionary that allows him to speak perfect Chinese and a vial of poisonous gas that will kill him if a sensor detects radiation, would a computer be able to distinguish him from a dead cat?
Magneton: BZZT. ERROR 102. CANNOT RESOLVE SYNTAX. BLEEEEEP-WEEP-BEEP. ERROR 81. EXISTENTIAL QUANDARY DETECTED. REROUTING THROUGH HINDBRAIN.
Amaldos: A hole in your bag will lighten your load. A hole in your mind may do the same.
Magneton: ERROR 0. ERROR NOT FOUND. Bzzzzzzzt-PING-FFFZZZZZZL [starts smoking].
Spruce: Uh… I… think you broke him.
Ruby: Oh good; more new friends…
Heliolisk: Larry! What on earth-? [To Ruby] I’m sorry about this.
Magneton: ERROR. ERROR. ERROR.
Heliolisk: You’re fine, Larry. Execute routine Clemont-Phi-Thirteen.
Magneton: EXECUTING. BZZT-whistle-DING!
Heliolisk: Feeling better?
Magneton: AFFIRMATIVE. REQUEST STATUS.
Heliolisk: I’m good too, Larry; thanks. Why don’t you just wait here for a bit while I help these citizens, and then we’ll take you over to Magenta Plaza to supervise some of the rewiring?
Spruce: …is he always like this?
Heliolisk: Yeah, he’s been a bit out of sorts ever since he died and we put his brain in an old Magneton chassis.
Spruce: Oh, yeah, I guess that would- wait what?
Heliolisk: Sort an experiment on our human’s part. He used to be an Ampharos. Hmm. What… what sort of Pokémon are you, exactly?
Spruce: Uh… I’m a… Facebird.
Heliolisk: A… Facebird.
Fisher: An extremely rare Humanshape species from the far distant land of Orre!
Heliolisk: I…see. Right. Well, again, I’m sorry about the business with Larry. We wouldn’t normally have controls like this, you see; it’s just that, with the recent trouble at the power plant, a good part of the city had to be locked down for a while, just to keep order. And then when the plant came back online yesterday there was a huge surge that knocked out several critical substations… It’s been a mess. We’re trying to keep a close watch on everyone entering and leaving the city, just for security reasons.
Daku: Sensibly enough. You serve your duty well, Heliolisk.
Heliolisk: …I should hope so. Now, I’ll just need to get your names, and then you can go on through.
Ruby: Very well, peasant. I am Ruby the Delphox, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme! Perhaps you’ve heard of me?
Heliolisk: …yes. Yes I have. [to Magneton] Larry, initiate routine Clemont-Alpha-Zero.
Magneton: EXECUTING. BREEEEEEEEEEP! RED ALERT! BREEEEEEEEEP! ALL AVAILABLE UNITS TO NORTHWEST GATE! EMERGENCY LOCKDOWN IN EFFECT! BREEEEEEEEEEP! RED ALERT!
Daku: What is this!? Stand down at once; I demand to speak to your commander!
Heliolisk: I am the high commander of Lumiose City’s Pokémon defenders, and all of you are under arrest on suspicion of involvement in multiple recent catastrophes, including the sabotage of the Lumiose Power Plant! Now, are you going to come quietly, or do we have to make this ugly?
Spruce: Well, um-
Martial: If legitimate civic authorities wish to detain us, we have no choice but to-
Ruby: BA-HAHAHAHAHAHA! Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear, lizard! You are speaking to the sorceress supreme! Prepare to feel the wrath of my awesome magical power!
Daku: For once, we are in agreement! I will not be imprisoned by some barely-UU petty officer!
Heliolisk: Oh goody. Larry! Combat pattern Clemont-Omega-Two! Let’s smoke these terrorists!
Clemont: [sigh] So. Do you know why you’re here?
Chris: Um. Because my Pokémon knocked out yours, and a bunch of other Pokémon from your gym?
Chris: [hopefully] And you want to give me a badge?
Clemont: …try again.
Chris: You… want to challenge me to a real battle to earn a badge?
Clemont: …never mind. Look, you and your Pokémon have been implicated in a startling number of very troubling incidents around western Kalos. You were involved in the explosion at Sycamore Labs just over a month ago…
Chris: Okay, that was an accident. I think.
Clemont: …you were spotted near route 6 immediately after the eruption of the parasite swarm that devoured countless Pokémon in the area and forced the temporary evacuation of Camphrier Town…
Chris: That was a coincidence! Um… probably.
Clemont: …you visited the fossil lab at Ambrette Town immediately before… the report just says some kind of “anomalous event” that led to the death of the lead researcher…
Chris: Oh. Um. You really don’t want to know.
Clemont: …a Pokémon registered to you was involved in a recent drug smuggling operation out in Cyllage City…
Chris: Wh-! Okay, I really don’t know anything about that one.
Clemont: …Ramos tells me that only last week you were present during an incident of piracy out on Azure Bay…
Chris: I already said I’m really sorry about that.
Clemont: …and I’ve just been sent testimony that claims you were involved in the electrical disturbance that shut down our power plant, and that you were seen at the power plant yesterday, before we could re-establish contact.
Chris: So… um… am I in trouble?
Clemont: Well, that… sort of depends on what you say next. Look, Ramos thinks you’re a good kid. And maybe there’s a good explanation for everything you’ve got mixed up in. Somehow. I’m willing to give you a chance to tell me what happened from your perspective.
Chris: …would you believe “my Delphox did it”?
Clemont: Uh… huh. What is that supposed to mean?
Chris: I don’t know! Sometimes my Pokémon just get these… these crazy ideas, and they just run off and start doing stuff on their own, searching for weird magic items and fighting… I don’t even know who! And- and there’s these guys in red uniforms who call themselves Team Flare! I don’t know what they’re up to but they were in Ambrette Town, and at the power plant!
Clemont: And I suppose they had something to do with the power plant being damaged in the first place?
Chris: Well… well, no, I think they were trying to fix it. We, um. We stopped them.
Clemont: [facepalm] Why?
Chris: …it made sense at the time?
Clemont: Red uniforms… I’ll have to talk to the civic authorities and make sure that wasn’t their engineers, or… [sigh] Listen. You seem like a really nice kid, and I’d hate to have to take your Pokémon away from you because you got mixed up in some bad stuff. But there’s going to be trouble with the Kalos League, not the mention the police, if we don’t do something with you. I’m going to recommend you for a social development program run by a local magnate and philanthropist, who’s been gathering young people for the sake of society. I’ve seen him work wonders with troubled teens before, really turn their lives around. His name’s Lysandre.
Daku: That was not an honourable battle. Even the mightiest warriors eventually tire against unending numbers. In fair combat, with due observance to the great Clauses, they would surely have fallen before us.
Ruby: Well, in that case, what possessed you to think they would fight fair?
Fisher: I hate to interrupt what I am sure will be another… lively debate… but perhaps we should instead direct our energies to finding out where we are, and how we may escape?
Martial: It seems likely we are in a prison cell beneath the Lumiose Gym… and I, for one, have no intention of escaping. Our arrest was at the hands of Lumiose City’s defence force, and honour demands that we submit to their judgement and pay the just penalty for whatever transgressions we have committed against their authority.
Daku: Are you suggesting we should neither escape nor take revenge upon our captors? Such a subservient attitude is beneath a Pokémon of your station, Nidoking, and you will conduct yourself with more pride in my hearing; is that clear?
Amaldos: Three great legendary Pokémon met in a garden with a Chatot, and were asked, “what will you do if the Chatot does not sing?” Zekrom said, “destroy it.” Reshiram said, “give it a reason to sing.” And Kyurem said “wait.”
Fisher: Ah! We have a similar tale in the Church of the Blessed Helix, about the Helix, the Dome, and the Old Amber. I think its significance has been overlooked until now-
Ruby: You’re all missing the more important point here: as soon as I have rested enough to regain my almighty magical power, this entire facility is being blown sky-high and we are leaving. Lavoisier had better be paying me well for this nonsense.
Spruce: Uh… I think someone’s coming. Listen.
Ruby: Hmm. Or we could blast our way out the moment they open the door. Lizard! Ready yourself!
Daku: I don’t take orders from you, witch. You’re just… lucky I had the same thought as you, that’s all. Hmph. Hone Claws!
???: [opening door] Right; get in there!
Ruby: MYSTICAL FIRE!
Daku: DRAGON CLAW!
???: OW! OW OW OW! WHAT THE HELL, SIS!?
Lavoisier: [cough] Yes, Lavoisier! Do you ever look before you blast!?
Ruby: What are you doing here!?
Lavoisier: Apparently, getting blown up by my sister and cut in half by her latest nutjob mercenary sidekick!
Daku: Watch your tongue, UU. You are in the presence of high nobili-
Ruby: Oh, don’t start! Lavoisier, calm down and tell me what’s going on.
Lavoisier: Okay. Calm. Breathe. In… out. It’s… it’s Team Flare. It has to be. I’ve had one of my staff looking into their activities, discretely, ever since you ran into them in Ambrette Town. I knew they were up to something in Lumiose City; they may even have a base here, but we had no idea how deep in they’ve gotten. There are Pokémon loyal to them inside the Lumiose Gym – maybe humans too, I’m not sure, but- but we recognised some of them when they- they-
Ruby: Calm. You’re fine. Focus.
Lavoisier: I’m not. I’m really not. [sigh] Just after you called me from the city gates… they ransacked the lab. My research has been destroyed and my staff are in disarray; most of them have either been locked up or fled the city.
Spruce: That’s horrible! I’m so sorry…
Lavoisier: You should be! It’s you lot that are the reason this has all happened!
Ruby: Oh, shut up, brother.
Lavoisier: You shut up! When I woke up this morning I was a pillar of the Arceus-damned community and now my own human has disowned me because I’ve been linked to YOU! Charging around Kalos, trashing literally everything you come into contact with, all for your own personal gain! This is ALL YOUR FAULT, Ruby!
Ruby: So. I… suppose you don’t want anything to do with me anymore.
Lavoisier: What? Wh- no! No, of course not, just- look. You’re going to fix this, sis. I need you to fix this. And not just for me. Whatever Team Flare are doing… it’s bigger than us. They think they’re building a better future for Kalos, but they’re messing with stuff I can’t even begin to understand, and trust me, if I don’t understand it, they sure as hell don’t have a clue. Manipulation of life energy on the kind of scale my agents have heard them talk about is impossible, but if they have access to magic powerful enough that they think they can try… I have no idea what they’ll do with it.
Ruby: …wait, did you just say “powerful magic”?
Lysandre: Ah, so you’re the young child Clemont is in such a quandary over. Welcome, welcome; please sit.
Chris: Um. Clemont… didn’t tell me much about you… but you’re Professor Sycamore’s friend, right? And you own Lysandre Labs? The company that makes holo-casters?
Lysandre: I assure you, my dear boy, the holo-caster is the least of my accomplishments! My organisation is working to lead Kalos to a better tomorrow and build a more beautiful world. We will bring justice and equality to all by eliminating the wastefulness and greed of modern society.
Chris: Oh. Well, that sounds… good?
Lysandre: You see, child, people can be divided into two groups: those who give, and those who take. I have dedicated my life to giving more to the world than I took from it, to leave Kalos a more beautiful place than I found it… but there are some people – if we can even call them that – who do nothing but consume and destroy. They are FILTH! [slams fist on table]
Lysandre: So… which do you think you are?
Chris: Uh… [gulp] Well, I mean, I’d… I’d like to be, um… y’know, a giver. Right?
Lysandre: [beaming] Of course you would. And right now, Kalos is beautiful, and filled with people like you and me, who give back more than they take.
Lysandre: But the future is uncertain; we can’t be sure that will always be true!
Chris: Oh no!
Lysandre: So you see, all of my companies, charities, and… other organisations are working hard, day and night, to ensure that Kalos remains beautiful – that our region’s light, the radiance of life, never fades. And young, talented Pokémon trainers, just like you, are an important part of that plan.
Chris: Um. Thank… you?
Lysandre: Wouldn’t you like to work towards that with us? Do some work for me – just some errands at first, fetch-and-carry jobs mostly, to satisfy Clemont and the others… but in time, you could do great things at Lysandre Labs, you know. How does that sound?
Heliolisk: All right, prisoners. Apparently I have… good news for you. Our humans have negotiated some sort of compromise. You’re… free to go. For some reason.
Ruby: Oh, and that’s good news for us, is it? Have you given any thought to how round two would go, sparky?
Heliolisk: Just give me a reason, you-
Magneton: WARNING: PROCEDURAL VIOLATION CLASS THETA DETECTED.
Heliolisk: [sigh] Right. Thanks, Larry. Sorry; my temper nearly got away from me there.
Magneton: APOLOGY ACCEPTED.
Fisher: What is the nature of this compromise?
Heliolisk: Mostly human business. But if any of you put a toe out of line in my city, all deals are off. And the Charmeleon stays here.
Lavoisier: What!? I’ve done nothing wrong!
Heliolisk: Look, I… [to Magneton] Larry, stop recording for a minute. And jam any other recording equipment in the room.
Heliolisk: Lavoisier, I don’t know how you ever got involved with the likes of these [gestures at Ruby], but I do know what happened at the lab today wasn’t all above board, and I sure as hell know we shouldn’t be holding you if we’re letting them go. I have to follow orders, but I promise you I will look into this.
Amaldos: When life gives us lemons, it opens a window. Citrus can be a fantastic pathway to greater understanding.
Lavoisier: I… yeah. Yeah, you’re right, Amaldos. Windows it is. Ruby?
Lavoisier: As soon as you and your human get out of the city, head for route 14. Find Umbriel, my agent who was looking into Team Flare’s activities; she’s the only one that I’m sure escaped. She’s… well, she’s a Shelmet; she’s pretty much a talking biscuit tin, but she’s got all the files my team has managed to gather on Team Flare. She can help you. Sort of. I mean, she’s a bit rubbish but her heart’s in the right place, y’know?
Ruby: Oh good; just what I need. Another one [glances at Spruce].
Lavoisier: I’ll be in touch as soon as I can. I’m counting on you, sis.
Ruby the Fennexis (Delphox)
Female, Bold nature, level 38, Großbrand (Blaze)
Lichtschild (Light Screen), Psychoschock (Psyshock), Strauchler (Grass Knot), Magieflamme (Mystical Fire)
Spruce the Tauboss (Pidgeot)
Male, Rash nature, level 38, Adlerauge (Keen Eye)
Windhose (Twister), Daunenreigen (Featherdance), Fliegen (Fly), Ruckzuckhieb (Quick Attack)
Fisher the Entoron (Golduck)
Male, Brave nature, level 38, Wolke Sieben (Cloud Nine)
Aussetzer (Disable), Dunkelklaue (Shadow Claw), Zen-Kopfstoß (Zen Headbutt), Surfer (Surf)
Martial the Nidoking
Male, Brave nature, level 38, Giftdorn (Poison Point)
Energiefokus, Doppelkick, Gifthieb (Poison Jab), Fuchtler (Thrash)
Amaldos the Lucario
Male, Hasty nature, level 38, Felsenfest (Steadfast)
Steigerungshieb (Power-Up Punch), Schwerttanz (Swords Dance), Egotrip (Me First), Knochenhatz (Bone Rush)
Daku the Knarksel (Gabite)
Male, Sassy nature, level 38, Sandschleier (Sand Veil)
Klauenwetzer (Hone Claws), Drachenklaue (Dragon Claw), Schaufler (Dig), Schlitzer (Slash)
Melissa the Bibor (Beedrill)
Female, Jolly nature, level 16, Hexaplaga (Swarm)
Giftstachel (Poison Sting), Duonadel (Twineedle), Energiefokus (Focus Energy), Furienschlag (Fury Attack)
Boreas the Amarino (Amaura)
Male, Mild nature, level 29, Frostschicht (Refrigerate)
Natur-Kraft (Nature Power), Bodycheck (Take Down), Felsgrab (Rock Tomb), Aurorastrahl (Aurora Beam)