One lunatic's love-hate relationship with the Pokémon franchise, and his addled musings on its rights, wrongs, ins and outs. Come one, come all, and indulge my delusions of grandeur as I inflict my opinions on anyone within shouting distance.
You do old stuff, do you know the civilization games? Why is Alexander the leader of the Greeks?! He wasn’t even Greek, right?
Ohhhhhhhhhh boy; you have no idea of the can of worms you just opened.
As luck would have it I actually gave a presentation on this yesterday so buckle the f#$% up, kids.
Continue reading “Anonymous asks:”Of all the fossil pokemon, not including the kabutops and aurorus lines, which do you think would be the most intimidating to encounter? What about the least intimidating? I did away with those two because they’re obvious answers to the respective categories, since kabutops has the whole slashing thing going on and aurorus is a gentle, color changing giant.
You know, I’m not sure I agree with you on either of those! Like, Kabutops has the slashy thing, sure, but he’s also about four feet tall, which is a big strike against him as far as intimidation goes. Aerodactyl is larger, can fly, and will eat your face off, while Tyrantrum is just unfairly massive. As for least intimidating, well, Aurorus is beautiful and gentle, sure, but still big and bulky enough that she could hurt you pretty badly just by failing to notice you. Lileep, on the other hand, is made of seaweed and literally cannot move.
Will you eventually do mottos for all the Pokemon, or just Kanto lines?
Yep; they’re all being done, from Abomasnow to Zygarde!
What do you use to make the Pokemottos?
This. The images are just the official art by Ken Sugimori, tweaked a bit using a very basic image editing program to give them a more stylised look that fits in better with a typical Game of Thrones banner.
In order:
NO BUT I SHOULD
YES IT BOTHERS ME INTENSELY I MEAN HOW HARD IS IT TO LEARN YOUR KEYBOARD”S SHORTCUT FOR É OKAY I THINK I MAY HAVE PUT THE ACCENT BACKWARDS LIKE È IN THE LAST COUPLE OF QUESTIONS I ANSWERED BUT I”VE CLEARLY HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK AND I”M TRYING
ALSO HOW DO I STOP HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY
Eh. It’s fine. Everything is cheap. Including gin and tonic. But then, in Auckland everything is expensive so I don’t exactly have a good baseline. The thing about Americans is that they take everything very seriously and are extremely bad at sarcasm and irony, so you have to be careful what you say to them. Which is also a good thing sometimes, because you can actually make Americans care about things, bless them, where New Zealanders are just like “she’ll be right mate” and remain stunningly apathetic.
YES obviously I would, because do you even know how disappointing it is to have to explain to Americans that New Zealand used to have giant eagles just like in Lord of the Rings but they’ve been extinct for hundreds of years? There was, like, an article in the news a while back, here it is http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11360081 because one of our politicians made an offhand remark about “the moa being a goer” or something, and everyone laughed at him because no one is used to the idea of this actually being possible, but maybe in ten or twenty years or so it really will be? Anyway I love this article because its assessment of Haast’s Eagle is “not an ideal candidate, as its prey was large bipedal ground-dwelling animals.” Which is obviously chickening out. Pffffft.
I don’t know how I’d do it; you’re the one with the time machine or whatever; that’s your job.
Oh, believe me, once I understood what it meant, the waifu question wasn’t even in the running.
Q: What are my orders supreme overlord.
A: The moon is dark, my brother. Ptolemy has failed us, and the swallow has taken flight. You must find the hidden bishop and take the last of the salt flowers. Our eyes are closed against the north wind, so do not tempt the serpent until daybreak. Remember – the white goat stalks the plains in summer.
Q: What’s a Nintendo?
A: A little-known and extremely rare Electric/Steel evolution of male Nidoran.
Q: you sick fuck how could you do this pokemon
A: Honoured reader, you stir my curiosity; the extent of my crimes is boundless, but my comprehension of them is not, and I believe this is the first time I’ve had a reaction so… visceral. In short… you’re going to need to be much more specific.
Which was followed immediately by…
Q: dont pretend you dont know you bitch
A: No, seriously, like, I’m sure I’ve done loads of things to legit piss you off but I have no idea which one(s) you’re talking about. I eagerly await a list of your specific grievances.
I’m still waiting for that list, incidentally.
Q: Are you a hamster?
A: <_<
>_>
…no…
Q: Do you enjoy the taste of the flesh of human children?
A: Eurgh! That, anonymous grey sphere, is disgusting, and quite frankly I am appalled at your tastelessness.
Everyone knows that teenagers have much more complex and mature flavours, without the sinewy texture of the elderly.
Q: would you?
A: Good lord, no.
For one thing, I don’t own a candyfloss machine, and there are no snakes in New Zealand anyway.
The first question I ever received on Tumblr…
Q: Fuck you Totodile is awesome your opinion is wrong
A: I have seen the light. Your piercing insight has convinced me that Totodile is, in fact, the best-designed Pokémon of all time.
And perhaps the all-time winner…
Q: why the hell did you eat all the pancakes you bloody fool why i have a right mind to smack across the face!
A: Those were MY PANCAKES and I had EVERY RIGHT TO EAT THEM, as well you know, and you can tell Jim that he will get his maple syrup back when he apologises for getting my Nidorina drunk last Christmas and pays that poor family for their ham and tree!
I do rather enjoy receiving and answering questions, even if I sometimes take a week or longer to get around to it. I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone who’s sent them in over these three and a bit years – they always help to reassure me that someone out there is actually listening to me when I shout at the internet, which is what makes it all worthwhile for a small-time blogger like me. Keep sending ‘em in – yes, even the weird ones!
Yes and no. I wanted to make Pygmalion sound ‘robotic;’ the similarity to the way HK-47 speaks only occurred to me as I was partway through writing the scene. I considered playing up the resemblance, but decided against it, since the character isn’t really supposed to be similar at all (besides, it is impossible to faithfully imitate HK-47, and any attempt to do so would be sacrilege). Likewise, the phrase “life debt” comes from Star Wars (or at least I don’t think it’s used anywhere else that’s terribly well-known), but is mostly just a convenient way of expressing a concept that exists elsewhere in literature – Martial literally owes Spruce his life.
I, uh… I’m afraid part 2/2 seems to have become lost in the celestial aether.
Pokémaniacal 