Update on the Oncoming End of the World

so, I had what you might describe as “two weeks”

Shortly after my last post, I had a long conversation with my father, who is a doctor and sees the worst-case scenarios of the COVID-19 pandemic with frightening clarity. On the same day, New Zealand’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs publicly advised all New Zealanders travelling overseas to return home as soon as possible, since commercial flights might not be available for much longer. Now, that advice was clearly meant for tourists and people who were spending a few weeks in a foreign country, not so much people like me who have a home and a foreign bank account and so on, but our confidence in the United States’ ability to handle this crisis is… sufficiently low that the idea of getting stuck there was still worrying. Besides, all of my university’s courses are now being taught remotely and our libraries are closed, so all my teaching and research has to be online until further notice anyway. Long story short, in the space of 48 hours I went from sitting in my apartment in Ohio, talking to my parents about whether maybe I should fly back to New Zealand, to actually landing in Auckland. I am now quarantined alone in my grandmother’s empty house (she’s staying with my parents) and New Zealand has entered a full month-long lockdown. Frankly I don’t know what happens next, but in principle I’ll return to the US in August.

Anyway, I’m fine! How are you?

I’ve written an article on Hau, Lillie and Gladion, which I’m very happy with and will go up later today (the mood among my mysterious dark Patrons favours finishing up some more Alola stuff in preference to diving into Galar Pokémon reviews – if you want to influence those decisions, you can always join up; nudge nudge, wink wink). I’ll also be returning to reader questions in the next few days and mayyyyybe to A Pokémon Trainer Is You next week? IN OTHER NEWS, Jim the Editor is once again posting things on his Youtube channel, for the first time in, like, a year. He’s started a playthrough of Final Fantasy X, one of his favourite games of all time, with discussion and commentary, and he’s also posting videos of some kind of cricket-related game which frankly I don’t understand, playing with avatars of all the players in his university cricket club in St. Andrews (who have had to call off the rest of their real-world season on account of… y’know, the plague).

Oh, and if you foolishly pay attention to my Twitter you will have seen this already, but I’ve also recently written an article for PokéJungle about how Sword and Shield approach the history and mythology of Galar, which touches on some stuff I’ll probably continue to talk about if/when I write a character study of Sonia. It’s a bit shorter than a lot of my articles here, but talks about some themes that I really think Sword and Shield handled well, and might be a jumping-off point for future discussions of how other Pokémon games have handled their regions’ ancient past. If that sounds interesting, take a look!

Good luck, everyone, and remain indoors!

Gigantamax Garbodor asks:

As punishment for your sins, you are now condemned to be transformed into a stage 1 Com Mon. But you do get to choose which one. What do you choose and why?

Also, isn’t it great that I exist?

okay I know you’re joking, but Garbodor is the only Pokémon not from generation I or VIII that has a Gigantamax form (aside from Melmetal, who is, like… generation VII and a half/honorary generation I), and I really did not need another reason to suspect that someone at Game Freak reads this blog and is actively trolling me

(I SEE YOU, TURNER, AND I STILL THINK VANILLUXE IS DUMB; YOU CAN’T STOP ME FROM DYING ON THIS HILL)

anyway, even if you were sent from hell specifically to torment me I guess I still have to answer your question, huh

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Everyone asks:

Hi Chris, so after reading your commentary/essay/novel on Chairman Rose, did you know his battle theme says “Go Rose, go save everyone!” over and over?

Just an interesting tidbit.

I’m not… quite sure I hear it?  But it makes sense; like, that is definitely what he thinks he’s doing.  “Save everyone” is very much core to his motivation, and not even in a bull$#!t “create a beautiful world through Malthusian genocide” way like Lysandre was doing; he really does mean everyone.  It’s just unfortunate that he’s chosen an insane self-aggrandising way of doing that.

Vox asks:

Could you link the start of the X nuzlocke? I found you via tv tropes…

You found me via… what, seriously?

Well, this should give you what you need: https://pokemaniacal.com/tag/x-nuzlocke/?order=asc.  I should warn you, though, that I never finished that story and currently don’t intend to, so you should be prepared for disappointment.  I don’t think the TvTropes page has been updated in several years, and even then it kinda gave disproportionate prominence to a project that was never really my main “thing.”  I… could update it myself, but, well… it just seems kind of crass, doesn’t it?  Editing one’s own TvTropes page?

The Dag asks:

If Milo asked “Pokemaniac Chris, why won’t you date me?!” what would you say?

is this like that weird trick question from Blade Runner with the tortoise in the desert, where you’re asked to explain why you wouldn’t do something that you would definitely do, and then if you give a rational answer instead of just getting angry it means you’re a robot

is that the particular farce in which we are presently engaged, The Dag?

‘cause if so, my real answer is because I plan to sacrifice him in a void ceremony to bring forth an ancient star-spawn that will grant me phenomenal cosmic power

but, I mean, obviously I wouldn’t tell him that so probably I’d actually say that “it’s not him, it’s me” (which is true in context) and I need to take time to “work on myself” (which is also true in context)

Thoughts on the recent Pokémon Direct

If you’re interested to get my thoughts and reactions on the Pokémon Direct broadcast from a couple of days ago, which announced two upcoming downloadable expansions to Sword and Shield, I just wrote something on it for PokéJungle, which you can find here: https://pokejungle.net/2020/01/11/in-depth-breakdown-of-pokemon-direct-and-what-it-revealed-about-sword-shield-dlc/. I will say that I wrote this in Denver airport, near the end of a 36-hour-long Saturday, as I was beginning to hear colours, so if I have missed something you’d like to know my opinions on, do bring it up in the comments on this post. Please also be aware, however, that I now intend to sleep for approximately seventeen days.

Don’t Call Me Bradley [Patreon Cultist] asks:

Which of the Gen VIII Pokemon have taken your fancy early-on? Before all the research and all the fun stuff that comes with the reviews have any peaked your interest as fascinating right out-the-gate? Have you accepted our lords and saviors Falinks into your heart yet?

Y’know, I have weird issues with Falinks that are probably specific to me in particular, because I look at Falinks and think that it was probably designed for the British region, and plonked down in an “ancient ruins” area next to the town which is clearly based on Bath, as a reference to soldiers of the Roman Empire. And that’s great and all, but I’m a classicist and Falinks’ design and English name scream to me “classical Greek hoplite phalanx,” which is not the same thing, god damn it, so now I have to read this bit from Falinks’ Bulbapedia article:

and “Spartan helmets during the period of Ancient Rome” is… kind of a phrase that hurts my soul in a way that maybe will not be immediately apparent to a non-specialist

so yeah Falinks is a “no” from me, sorry

Continue reading “Don’t Call Me Bradley [Patreon Cultist] asks:”