AndrewQ asks:

Choose 6 human-Pokemon pairs from the anime and pit them in a Hunger Games-style battle set in a map that is 1/3 Ilex Forest, 1/3 Dark Tunnel, and 1/3 Whirl Islands. Who will win?

Okay I don’t quite know what “Hunger Games-style” implies because I have only the vaguest familiarity with the series, but let’s see what we can do.

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Anonymous asks:

Most worthless pokemon and why?

Luvdisc, because its pale and anaemic battle inabilities serve only to teach children the fruitlessness, pain and ultimate futility of love.

Anonymous asks:

Selfie?

UGH do you have any idea how bad I am with technology I can barely get my phone to link up to my laptop when I’m sober and I have no idea how to embed a picture in an answer to a question because TUMBLR MAKES EVERYTHING HARD FOR NO REASOn

Mewitti asks:

I think you should drink while answering Q&A more often, heheh

CLEARLY I HAVE MADE A WISE DECISION

Anonymous asks:

Just how big is the Pokemon world, anyway? How long would it take to cross a region on foot?

Well if we assume one space in the game is about 1m by 1m which is probably pretty close then Viridian City is not much bigger than 1600 square metres which is, like, smaller than my university campus, so, like, you could probably walk a whole region in less than a day. Ash is just f&%^ing lazy

Have you ever drank while playing Pokémon? Does it bother you when the E in Pokémon has its accent mark left out? What is the average amount of lightning that comes out your rear end weekly? These are legitimate questions!

In order:

NO BUT I SHOULD

YES IT BOTHERS ME INTENSELY I MEAN HOW HARD IS IT TO LEARN YOUR KEYBOARD”S SHORTCUT FOR É OKAY I THINK I MAY HAVE PUT THE ACCENT BACKWARDS LIKE È IN THE LAST COUPLE OF QUESTIONS I ANSWERED BUT I”VE CLEARLY HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK AND I”M TRYING

ALSO HOW DO I STOP HOLDING DOWN THE SHIFT KEY

What do you think happens to all the pokemon you K.O in wild battles. No one takes them to the Pokemon Center.

Well obviously they are rescued by wild Chansey who are everywhere and see everything. The Chansey invented Pokémon Centres so they could help Pokèmon more efficiently. The human nurses are just their unwitting pawns.

Why does Heatmor look like a child drew it?

HEATMOR IS BEAUTIFUL AND PRECIOUS DON”T YOU TALK ABOUT IT THAT WAY seriously though it is actually one of my favourite 5th generation Pokémon because the idea of “okay let’s take an anteater and GRAFT IT TO AN IRON SMELTER” is just so bizarre that I can’t not love it. Heatmor could have been drawn by an actual child and I would still love it.

Why are Nidorina and Nidoqueen sterile, while female Nidoran can lay eggs?

i don’t f$%^ing know; I’m sure someone’s asked me this before but I can’t be bothered finding the link to the old question because I have had too much gin. I think I made noises about the grandmother hypothesis in human longevity which will answer all of your questions if you google it. (hint: it won’t actually answer all your questions; I was lying; it will actually raise more and better questions)