One lunatic's love-hate relationship with the Pokémon franchise, and his addled musings on its rights, wrongs, ins and outs. Come one, come all, and indulge my delusions of grandeur as I inflict my opinions on anyone within shouting distance.
Who would win in a dance-off? Ludicolo, Oricorio, Bellossom, Sudowoodo, Maractus, Jynx, or you?
Okay, so, the easy part first: I cannot dance, and I come dead last. I will, however, sabotage all the other contestants by spiking their drinks. I’m not trying to tip the competition towards anyone in particular; I just think it would be hilarious.
Now, what are the dance skills of all these Pokémon like?
Do you have any feminine and masculine Pokémon designs that you’re fond of? Or not so fond of? For example, for feminine designs I really like Roselia, Froslass, and Primarina, but I’m not a fan of Jynx or Lopunny. For masculine designs, I’m very fond of all of the Gen IV Fighting-types (minus Toxicroak), but not Machamp or Diggersby. Hm. Maybe I just don’t like rabbits… What about you?
Eh, I think to some extent what counts as “masculine” or “feminine” is probably pretty subjective, and I don’t think the designers consciously intended for all of those to be strongly one or the other. Like, Lopunny or Jynx, sure, but I never thought of Toxicroak as unusually “masculine,” and Toxicroak, Diggersby and Roselia in the games actually have a 50/50 gender split (then again, so does Lopunny). Also my brain sometimes parses the masculinity/femininity of Pokémon designs in weird ways (Hawlucha and Typhlosion are definitely feminine to me) that I wouldn’t necessarily expect other people to share. So I just don’t think it’s all that useful a category for thinking about Pokémon designs unless the in-game gender ratios suggest that it’s consciously being invoked.
Ruby: I was supposed to be ruling the world by now. Daku: [bored] We know… Ruby: I was supposed to have achieved ultimate arcane power by shamelessly exploiting magic items with unclear abilities and vague limitations. Daku: We know… Ruby: And instead I’m sitting here, freezing my tail off in the middle of some me-forsaken cluster of ramshackle louse-ridden bivouacs clinging to the edge of the world, waiting for a recon report from a Golduck who worships a fossilised mollusc and the world’s stupidest Pidgeot! Daku: Are you done? Ruby: And where the hell is the Shelmet? Daku: That… that is actually a very good question; where the hell is the Shelmet? Martial: She mentioned meeting with a contact outside the human settlement. Something about being promised information by a couple of Karrablast. Ruby: A couple of-? PffffffBAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Martial: I fail to see what is so funny. Ruby: HAHAHAHAHA oh, you will, trust me, just as soon as she gets back, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha ha ha ha… ha… ha… ah, we’re still here. Why. Martial: Your brother still languishes in prison, witch. Have you already forgotten your promise to him? Ruby: What? No! No, I mean- just- I mean, of course not! But this place is a pointless backwater; we should just return to Lumiose City and burn anything that gets in our way. Martial: We cannot risk the civilian casualties that would ensue if we attacked the city without more information about Team Flare’s activities and plans. Daku: And we could hardly stay in Laverre City either, after the… spat… that you two had with the Cabal sorcerers. Ruby: Fine, but we need to take real, serious action, and soon. Spruce: Hey! Ruby! Fisher: We bring news, my lady! Ruby: …oh good; my day is about to get even more pointless and dreary. Spruce: You’ll never guess what we just found! Ruby: [sigh] Let me guess. A quest. Spruce: No, A QUE- oh. Oh, okay, you, uh… you guessed it. Ruby: Incredible. Duck. Explain. Fisher: Well, my lady, while scouting the entrance to the Frost Cavern north of this settlement, we encountered a Jynx with an interesting proposition… Ruby: Uh-huh. And this is her, I take it? All right; let’s hear it… Jynx: I grëët yoü, sørceress, in the nåme of öur Møthër Wïnter. I äm called Brynhildr, ånd I am the læder øf thë rëbel Pøkémon fightïng tø freë the Frost Cavern frøm the tÿrånnical rule of the Abomasnow whöse låir lies in the icÿ hært of our cåve høme. Ruby: Why- why are you talking like that. Why do you have a Swedish accent. You’re not Swedish. None of us are Swedish. We’re in France. Spruce: What’s France? Jynx: I døn’t knöw whät yoü’re talking abœt; I spæk with a Jynx äccent. Ruby: [deep breath] Fine. Whatever. Spruce: Brynhildr wants us to help free her people from oppression! Ruby: Uh huh. What’s in it for us? Spruce: That’s the best part! Tell her, Brynhildr! Brynhildr: The ëvil Abomasnow I åm fightïng to øverthrœw hølds a mægical jëwël of græt pøwer – an Abomasite. Nöne of mÿ pœple cån use it, but yöür Pidgeot tells më that yoü can. If yöu’ll ønly joïn thë mercenåry grœüps helpïng üs to fight, it’s yoürs. Ruby: [stunned] Wha- that- but this is incredible! It’s beyond my wildest dreams! I- Daku: What, because we’ve found another of your sorcerous baubles? Ruby: No, because Spruce did something useful! Spruce: I’m helping! Umbriel: [somewhere in the distance] EEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH!
Glückwunsch! Dein Umbriel wurde zu einem Hydragil!
The next episode is something that makes thematic sense for me to do as a Christmas thing? That never happens!
Strictly speaking, Holiday Hi-Jynx isn’t the next episode (you can tell because Charmander hasn’t evolved and Togepi hasn’t joined the team yet); it was probably meant to happen around the same time as Pikachu’s Goodbye but got derailed by the same mess surrounding the Porygon episode that caused Snow Way Out to be rescheduled. But it’s usually been aired a couple of slots after It’s Mr. Mime Time, while Ash is theoretically supposed to be back in Pallet Town, and IT’S CHRISTMAS, DAMNIT so let’s talk about the Jynx episode, and then ramble about Christmas traditions and Santa for a while.
We begin with Team Rocket kidnapping Santa Claus as he comes down their chimney. Because they are Team Rocket.