Lumiose Badlands
Merneith: [squinting] So this is the place?
Ruby: Seems to be. Why else would anyone put a bunch of those giant mushroom domes out here in the middle of nowhere? This shouldn’t take long; we just need to take care of things here for Lavoisier and then we’ll be on our way back to Lumiose City by tomorrow morning.
Merneith: Typical of humans to inflict a blight like that on the landscape. It’s probably putting out mind-altering energy waves or mutating radiation or something. I’d tear down every last one in Kalos if I had the chance.
Ruby: Mmm; well, it’s not exactly easy on the eyes, but we won’t have to look at it for long; let’s get on with it.
Martial: I for one am glad to be engaged in a task of righteousness again – even if only briefly. This group spends too much time as it is pursuing your self-aggrandising fantasies of power.
Ruby: Hey, pursuing my self-aggrandising fantasies of power is just about the only damn thing this lot will ever amount to; don’t knock it. Now, there must be an entrance around here somewhere…
Spruce: Over there! See that little building on the other side of that outcrop?
Ruby: …no, Spruce, because the outcrop is in the way and the rest of us are on the ground.
Spruce: …oh. Right. Hey, I think there’s a fight going on over there! We should get over there and see if someone needs our help!
Ruby: Oh, for goodness’ sake, Spruce; you don’t- …and he’s already gone. Nidoking, you with the life-debt or whatever; go and make sure he doesn’t get himself killed or something.
Martial: Hmph. I need none of your instruction, witch.
Merneith: Come on; let’s go already! We have a job to do!
…
Gabite: Enough of this! Lesser creatures; you will fall by my hand – DRAGON CLAW!
Golbat: Aauuugh! Fall back! Fall back into the plant! We must warn our superiors; the desert natives are too strong!
Gabite: Hmph. Cowards. [turning around] And what have we here, then? Hmm… three UUs, but you don’t look like any UU party I’ve ever seen. Which of you is in charge?
Ruby: I am Ruby the Braixen, fiery jewel among-
Gabite: I wasn’t talking to you, RU. Be silent while I converse with your betters.
Ruby: I- wha-?
Gabite: You, Nidoking – are you the leader of this party? What business do you have in these badlands?
Martial: [blinks] You address me, good sir?
Gabite: Yes; now answer me, and be quick about it.
Martial: I fear you have mistaken me, noble warrior. I serve in this party in repayment of a life debt, owed to one who saved me from deadly peril [gestures at Spruce].
Gabite: A… a life debt, owed to… [sneers] that? Clearly you’ve gone terribly astray somewhere. Hmph. Well, you then, Lucario-
Amaldos: A debt is owed, and a credit extended on a pound of flesh, when life and death are paid for with stolen thunder and borrowed time…
Gabite: …I… see. Er… the Krokorok, then? Or perhaps the three of you lead by consensus?
Merneith: Um… actually, if we have a leader, it’d be Ruby.
Gabite: What? Who-
Ruby: As I was saying, I am Ruby the Braixen, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme, and I am for some reason in charge of this… party, if so it can be called. Perhaps you’ve heard of me?
Gabite: You are a sharp-tongued lout with ideas above your station; that much is obvious. And no, I haven’t heard of you; I’m not in the habit of sparing much attention for the doings of my inferiors. [to Merneith] I asked as a courtesy, but I don’t actually care what barbaric internal command structure you lesser beings have chosen to follow. I require the services of your rabble immediately.
Ruby, Spruce, Fisher, Merneith, Martial and Amaldos: …?
Merneith: …who are you?
Gabite: I am Daku – but you aren’t high-born enough to call me that, UU. “Sir” will do until we are better acquainted; “my lord” if you are feeling particularly obsequious.
Spruce: So, what are you doing here? Uh, sir? Are you investigating the power plant like us? Is that what you need help with?
Daku: [to Martial] Why is this NU trash speaking to me directly? Is it this quaint ‘life-debt’ notion that leads you to tolerate such behaviour from your inferiors?
Ruby: Hey, that’s my… uh… ‘NU trash’ you’re talking about; no-one dismisses and belittles him but me! Get your own pathetic, dim-witted doormat of a Pokémon to walk all over!
Spruce: Yeah; that’s right! Um. I think.
Ruby: And another thing; you are in no position to ‘require’ anything of a being of my arcane majesty, so get out of our way! We have business in there, and I don’t intend to let some backwater dirt-loving lizard with delusions of grandeur delay me.
Daku: [assuming combat stance] I warn you, low-born scum, if you are here to assist the minions of Team Flare, you shall have no mercy from me.
Ruby: Oh, come on; how have you heard of those small-time crooks and not me!?
Fisher: Wait- hold a moment. Team Flare is here? And you also oppose them, mighty one?
Daku: [grits teeth] Your outspoken servitor is correct, ‘sorceress.’ I have heard of the actions of this ‘Team Flare’ elsewhere in Kalos, and my noble people, the only high-born OU race in this desert, have no desire to allow our subjects to fall under their sway or be subverted to their conspiratorial agenda. Whatever ‘greater good’ they claim to seek is sure to violate the great Clauses and wreak havoc upon the Harmony of Tiers.
Amaldos: A purpose served on a silver platter, and our palms crossed with a silver lining – perhaps our purpose here is best served as its own reward…
Fisher: Er… what our noble compatriot means is that our goals are likely the same, warrior. I think. Our tasks within this complex will likely bring us into conflict with Team Flare as well.
Ruby: So it would seem. Step aside, lizard, and let us handle this.
Daku: I have no intention of “stepping aside,” RU upstart. I will permit you to enter this power plant after me, but let me make myself clear: either follow my orders, or stay out of my way. [turns around] And leave one or two of your number to stand watch, if you know what’s good for you. Team Flare sends patrols out into the desert regularly; at least two are scheduled to return within the hour. You’d best not let them catch you unawares. [disappears into the power plant]
Amaldos: A silver spoon is no guarantee of a silver tongue, it seems – a brazen fork may spit brass tacks.
Ruby: You can say that again. I think.
Amaldos: If the last word is spoken twice, the last gasp may be the last straw.
Ruby: …yes. Exactly. [clears throat] Merneith; you can use the terrain around here better than we can. Set up an ambush and take out those patrols as they return. This shouldn’t take long.
Merneith: [grinning] Will do. You have fun in there!
Kalos Power Plant
Spruce: Where do you think that Gabite went? All these corridors look the same…
Ruby: Don’t know; don’t care. As long as he’s helping – however indirectly – to clear out Team Flare so we can tell Lavoisier this place is safe for his engineers, I’m happy if we never see the pompous idiot again.
Spruce: So what’s our plan?
Martial: I have faced these “Team Flare” zealots before, on business for my order. They have little courage, and will not long remain if we eliminate their leaders. That would be the course I recommend.
Amaldos: A snake without its head is like a chicken with its head in the clouds.
Ruby: Hmm. Boring, but efficient. Straight for the control room it is, then.
All: …
Spruce: …how do we find our way to the control room?
Ruby: There’s a map on the wall there… I don’t suppose any of you can read human? Fisher?
Fisher: I fear that is not among the arts we were taught at the temple.
Martial: Nor did my training prepare me for such tasks.
Amaldos: To fall off the map is as easy as falling off a log, when the words of one fallen from grace shall fall on deaf ears… [examines the map]
Ruby: …is that a yes?
Amaldos: What is written on the wall can be a sight for sore eyes.
Ruby: Okay, see, that sounds like it makes sense, but that would be something of a first for you, so I just want to make sure here.
Spruce: Wait, I thought Amaldos was blind?
Ruby: I-… [sigh] You’re just staring at the wall, aren’t you?
Amaldos: [sadly] An eye for an eye in the eye of the storm sees a bridge too far. Snake eyes…
Ruby: Ah, don’t feel bad. You’re still at worst the third most useless member of this party… fourth if you count the human.
Fisher: My lady, I… may have a solution.
Ruby: Well, spit it out.
Fisher: I… could attempt to Consult the Helix Fossil. His light of anarchy led many heroes through places dark and twisted in days of old. But…
Ruby: …but…?
Fisher: I fear that my actions in recent weeks may have… damaged… my ability to commune with the Blessed Helix… I…
Ruby: Listen, you sectarian twit, your theological ramblings couldn’t possibly be of less interest to me. If you have a way to lead us through this complex, try it; otherwise just shut up.
Fisher: …I… very well. Blessed Helix… hear me… I…
Martial: Courage, priest. Your god would not so lightly abandon a faithful servant.
Fisher: …indeed. [Raises arms] Helix, I consult thee. This servant seeks answers… show us the true path through Anarchy to glory…
Ruby: …well?
Fisher: I… hear him. By the Archangel; I hear him still… and through him… could it be…? [blinks] The path is revealed to me. This corridor. Follow.
…
[CRASH]
Ruby: All right, you bunch of inbred brain-dead misfits; surrender, or prepare to feel the agony of- wait; wait, is this actually the right room this time? [looks around] Finally! [to Fisher] I think you were right, priest; your divine antennae could do with some recalibrations.
Fisher: It is the twisted path of Holy Anarchy we follow, my lady! Though the reasons may not be clear at the time, every turn and every false start is meant to be!
Ruby: Ugh; I forgot how annoying you are when you’re in a pious mood.
Houndoom: What is the meaning of this!? What are-? YOU!
Mightyena: Warriors of Team Flare, on your guard! The vile sorceress is here!
Ruby: FINALLY; someone gets it! Now, are you two and your pathetic minions going to run and save yourselves, or do I have to smoke you like I did the last dog that got in my way?
Spruce: Uh, technically I think it was Amaldos who-
Ruby: Not really the point, Spruce.
Houndoom: The stalwart warriors of Team Flare will not surrender to the likes of you! We will not allow you to destroy this place and drive the people of Lumiose City into darkness and despair!
Ruby: Hah! Well, then, prepare yourselves, foolish mortals, to face the arcane might of- uh… wait; wait wait wait. Hang on. You will not allow us to destroy this place?
Houndoom: You heard me, witch.
Ruby: Um. What you doing here, exactly?
Mightyena: We, our underlings and our humans are here at the behest of our masters to restore this place and return power to Lumiose City! The repairs are almost complete and we need only find an energy source powerful enough to restart the core… we will not allow you to interfere.
Ruby: …oh.
Mightyena: What do you mean, “oh”?
Ruby: …um. Well, I assumed you were here to… I don’t know; cause mischief or something. You know. As you do.
Mightyena: “Mischief”? Team Flare is a force of justice in Kalos!
Ruby: Yeah, yeah, whatever, but- look, just- you’re here to fix the power plant? Wait; are you working for Lavoisier?
Mightyena: Who?
Houndoom: The scientist, brother. You recall; the… new recruits spoke of him. A Charmeleon.
Mightyena: Oh; of course. We have had no direct dealings with him, but we bear him no ill will, and it seems we share a common goal.
Ruby: …ah. Would you excuse us for a moment? [to Spruce, Fisher, Martial and Amaldos] Minions; huddle.
…
Ruby: Okay, what the hell is going on here? I thought we were the good guys this time. Relatively speaking.
Martial: They have some ulterior motive; that much is certain. They may have the same aims as your brother for now, but we should not allow them to be in control of this plant when it comes back online.
Ruby: Okay, true about the ulterior motives, but consider this: I don’t care.
Fisher: My lady?
Ruby: Lavoisier wants this place up and running again; they appear to be doing his job for him. We just have to tell him to stop sending engineers to get captured and brainwashed into their ridiculous little cult, and this whole thing will sort itself out.
Spruce: But… what about the humans and Pokémon he sent here already?
Ruby: Meh.
Martial: How can you say such a thing?
Ruby: What? Why should we waste the effort fighting and killing Pokémon that are working towards what we want anyway?
Fisher: The sentiment is difficult to refute.
Martial: Did not your fossil god lead us here, Fisher? Are we not here for a reason?
Fisher: Perhaps, but the will of the Blessed Helix is mysterious and ineffable. That reason may not be to fight.
Spruce: I… think I agree. Just because we’ve fought them before doesn’t mean we can’t give them a chance to do some good here.
Ruby: [to Martial] See? Even Spruce agrees. Let’s just wrap this up and get on with something that’s actually worth my time.
…
Ruby: Right. You. Team Flare nitwits. It seems today is your lucky day – the sorceress supreme has elected to spare your miserable lives.
Mightyena: [eyes narrow] Explain yourself, sorceress, and make it good.
Ruby: We want the same thing as you do – this power plant back online. And we don’t actually care what you do with it once it’s working again.
Houndoom: Save your lies, witch; you have no intention of allowing us to finish our work here. I have not forgotten your past interference in our plans. Besides, our agents have been following you, and we are well aware that your sorcery was responsible for the damage to this plant.
Spruce: Wait, what?
Ruby: Well, aren’t we all responsible in a way? You for not stopping me, the human for not teaching me goodness and nobility, Spruce for… I don’t know; I’m sure it’s his fault somehow.
Mightyena: …no.
Houndoom: And you forget, witch – your crimes are known to Team Flare. We are all sworn to defy the enemies of Life, wherever we find them.
Ruby: …all right, yes; true. But do you really want to fight me and all of my minions here? You must be well aware that we could probably take you even on our worst day.
Houndoom: [snarl] You overestimate your chances.
Mightyena: Wait just a moment, brother. You and I are always ready for battle, but most of our underlings are tired from repair work. We would risk many lives for a chance to capture the sorceress, and victory is far from certain.
Houndoom: You cannot mean to let her escape!?
Ruby: Believe me, dog, you’re in no position to ‘let’ me do anything.
Mightyena: We must think of those under our command… we cannot take them all alone.
Houndoom: Grrrr… fine. Have it your way. But mark my words, witch – Team Flare will make you pay for the lives you’ve ended. There will be no place for criminals like you in the perfect world we seek to build.
Ruby: Yes, yes, whatever. Now, we’ll just be on our-
[CRASH]
Ruby: What the-?
[CRUNCH]
Fisher: I believe it is… coming from the ceiling?
[KER-BRASH]
Merneith: [from above] HA-HAH! TIME TO PERISH, HUMAN SCUM!
Ruby: Wh- how-? Why-? WHAT???
Merneith: ROCK TOMB! [CRASH] Power-Up… PUNCH! HA-HAH!
Croagunk: She’s trashing the facility! Stop her!
Merneith: Can’t catch me, collaborator! Dig!
Scraggy: She’s inside the walls! Watch out for-
Merneith: [CRASH] SURPRISE!
Scraggy: AAAAAAARGGGH!
Houndoom: Treachery! You’ll pay for this, witch!
Ruby: Pay for-? Wh- No, no; you’ve got it all wrong; this is honestly not my fault! For once!
Mightyena: You cannot fool us! We know the Krokorok is part of your group!
Ruby: No! I mean, well, yes, but she’s an idiot! I don’t know what she-
Houndoom: Enough of your lies! It is time we did battle once more!
Mightyena: In the name of Life itself, you shall answer for your crimes, sorceress! For Xerneas!
…
Ruby: Argh! Back, all of you! PSYSHOCK!
Croagunk: Euuaaaaaargh!
Ruby: Merneith! Merneith, do you hear me!? What the hell were you thinking!? I said GET BACK, peasant rabble! Light Screen!
Merneith: You can drop the act, Ruby; I’m pretty sure they’re onto us now! Haha; ROCK TOMB! TAKE THAT! I got worried waiting for all of you; I knew it shouldn’t take this long to “take care of things,” so I came in from a surprise angle to help out. Looks like I got here just in time!
Ruby: Wait, listen very – argh; PSYSHOCK! – listen very carefully, Merneith; what the hell did you think I meant by “take care of things at the power plant”?
Merneith: Sabotage the plant to disrupt the humans’ treacherous schemes, of course! Looks like you did a pretty good job shutting down the generator; it’s just a shame you got caught!
Ruby: …oh, Arceus f#$%ing damn it.
…
Daku: Low-born Team Flare scum! Feel the wrath of a true warrior! DRAGON CLAW!
Ruby: Where the hell did you come from!?
Daku: I do not answer to you, RU witch! Now, burn this Swalot that stands in my path!
Ruby: Since when do I take orders from you?
Daku: Do not question me! Fight, you insolent mongrel!
Ruby: Grrr- why, you little-!
Houndoom: Enough of this! Stand and face me, witch!
Ruby: Gladly! PSYSHOCK!
Houndooom: Are you so forgetful, o mighty sorceress? Your powers are useless against me!
Ruby: …oh. Right. Uh… Gabite? Uh, Darfu? Mighty warrior? A little help here!
Daku: You will deal with this matter yourself, cur! I’ll not ruin my training with special attack EVs!
Ruby: What does that even mean?
Amaldos: Power-Up Punch!
Houndoom: Oof! Argh; do not interfere! This is between me and the witch!
Amaldos: And now, o muse of fire, we descend the blackest hell of invention! Behold!
Amaldos hat sich zu Mega-Lucario entwickelt!
Daku: Huh- buh- wuh-
Amaldos: Swords Dance! You are a drop of water in a bucket of small potatoes, buried under a molehill.
Daku: How… how is this…?
Amaldos: BONE RUSH!
Houndoom: AH! OOF! OW! Retreat! We cannot hold!
Mightyena: I have subdued the Krokorok – if we can just keep fighting a minute longer-!
Houndoom: No, brother, you were right; they are too strong! Bind her quickly and let us be away from this place!
Spruce: Ruby, they’ve captured Merneith!
Ruby: Um… oh no…
Martial: Stand and fight, cowards! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!
Daku: [to Amaldos] You… you are…
Amaldos: I am a blind dog, describing an elephant, while you who have seen the elephant are blinded to the forest by the sight of the tree that I bark up.
Daku: Er… I… yes. Yes, my lord. Whatever you say. [Bows low]
Amaldos: [confused] …perhaps every dog does have his day.
Ruby: What, you bow and scrape for this sideshow fortune-teller now? A couple of hours ago you barely gave him more attention than me.
Daku: Why-! Even an uncouth hedge witch like yourself must recognise the wonder we’ve just seen! This Lucario… has the soul of an Uber! One of the elect, a… a divine being in a mortal shell!
Amaldos: Shell-shocked by a divine shell game, and seeking to crawl back into my shell, before I shell out my soul…
Daku: My lord, I… I apologise for my earlier rudeness. If you are willing, I… would serve you, and learn from your wisdom.
Amaldos: When wisdom is ignorance, it is folly to seek bliss.
Ruby: …great. Just great.
…
Spruce: Ruby, is what that Houndoom said true? Did you damage the power plant somehow?
Ruby: …sort of. It… probably had something to do with the storm that started when I tried channelling the last Mega Stone we found. Which just goes to show how powerful they are! And how powerful I’ll be if I can find more of them… What of it?
Spruce: Well, if it’s our fault the power plant went down, we should try to fix it!
Ruby: And just how do you suggest we do that?
Spruce: Um… well… what if you tried using the same Mega Stone again?
Ruby: Oh! Just do exactly the same thing that broke it in the first place. Good idea, Spruce!
Spruce: Well, the machine needs a jump-start to get it working again, doesn’t it? A bolt of lightning might be just what it needs! And maybe now that you know what to expect you’ll be able to control the stone better? It’s worth a try, isn’t it?
Ruby: Funny; that’s exactly what I think whenever you open your beak.
Fisher: My lady, it… it seems to me that we would risk little by attempting it, and the Helix smiles most broadly on those who are willing to test their limits. The storm clouds that were summoned when last you invoked this stone’s power would surely be a welcome sight in this parched land, and here underground we will be well protected from any lightning strikes… [glances around] er… provided we keep a safe distance from any metal…
Spruce: Exactly! What Fisher said! And it’s not like you could make it any worse!
Ruby: As always, Spruce, your optimism is the literal wind beneath my metaphorical wings.
Spruce: I know, right? And just think, if you can get this, you’ll be one step closer to ultimate cosmic power or whatever!
Ruby: Urgh. Fine. Who’s got the damn-? Human! Human, what are you even doing over there? Human, get back here and let me see inside your- no, no- NO I DO NOT WANT A HUG RIGHT NOW, HUMAN! Just let me get something from your pack- no, not the star piece, just- well, I mean, I do love contemplating the wealth we’ve amassed, but- yes, yes, the Mega Stone! Yes, that thing! Give it to me! Finally. Now… let’s see…
Martial: Not once in the weeks since my evolution have I been more glad to be immune to electricity.
Ruby: Yes… yes, I can feel it this time… it starts much more subtle, but…
Spruce: You can do it, Ruby. I know you can.
Ruby: Just one… one good, solid bolt; no more, no less…
[Fizzle-CRACK]
Ruby: …uh-oh.
[Ommmmmmminous hummmmmmm]
Spruce: Ruby! Look out! [rushes towards Ruby]
Ruby: Oof!
[KRACK-KABOOOOM]
Glückwunsch! Dein Ruby wurde zu einem Fennexis!
Glückwunsch! Dein Spruce wurde zu einem Tauboss!
Ruby: What in…?
Spruce: What… just happened?
Fisher: Child of the saviour, you… you are glorious! The very vision of Bird Jesus, returned to this earth!
Ruby: Pfft. He’s fatter and more colourful than before; so what? Look at me! My magic is stronger than ever! The stone must have allowed us to absorb the energy of the lightning bolt, the way an Electric Pokémon might… But… wait, where is-? [kneels, picks something up] Damn it! Useless thing was fried in the blast! Bah! [tosses Ampharosite away] Well, I hope you’re happy, Spruce; we’ve lost the Mega Stone, and the generator is still-
[hummmmmmmmmm]
Ruby: Wait… that sound… is…?
Fisher: It- it’s working! Praise the Helix! And… and for the restoration of order too, praise the Dome! You have done it, my lady!
Daku: Hmph. Well, what do you know? Perhaps the upstart RU witch has her uses after all.
Spruce: It… it worked?
Ruby: …it worked.
The Team:
Ruby the Fennexis (Delphox)
Female, Bold nature, level 36, Großbrand (Blaze)
Lichtschild (Light Screen), Psychoschock (Psyshock), Strauchler (Grass Knot), Magieflamme (Mystical Fire)
Spruce the Tauboss (Pidgeot)
Male, Rash nature, level 36, Adlerauge (Keen Eye)
Windhose (Twister), Daunenreigen (Featherdance), Fliegen (Fly), Ruckzuckhieb (Quick Attack)
Fisher the Entoron (Golduck)
Male, Brave nature, level 36, Wolke Sieben (Cloud Nine)
Aussetzer (Disable), Dunkelklaue (Shadow Claw), Zen-Kopfstoß (Zen Headbutt), Surfer (Surf)
Martial the Nidoking
Male, Brave nature, level 36, Giftdorn (Poison Point)
Energiefokus, Doppelkick, Gifthieb (Poison Jab), Fuchtler (Thrash)
Amaldos the Lucario
Male, Hasty nature, level 36, Felsenfest (Steadfast)
Steigerungshieb (Power-Up Punch), Schwerttanz (Swords Dance), Metallsound, Knochenhatz (Bone Rush)
Daku the Knarksel (Gabite)
Male, Sassy nature, level 36, Sandschleier (Sand Veil)
Klauenwetzer (Hone Claws), Drachenklaue (Dragon Claw), Sandgrab (Sand Tomb), Schlitzer (Slash)
Graveyard:
Melissa the Bibor (Beedrill)
Female, Jolly nature, level 16, Hexaplaga (Swarm)
Giftstachel (Poison Sting), Duonadel (Twineedle), Energiefokus (Focus Energy), Furienschlag (Fury Attack)
Boreas the Amarino (Amaura)
Male, Mild nature, level 29, Frostschicht (Refrigerate)
Natur-Kraft (Nature Power), Bodycheck (Take Down), Felsgrab (Rock Tomb), Aurorastrahl (Aurora Beam)
Pokémaniacal 