You’re all okay with being guinea pigs for my history class, right?

So, this week in the ancient history class I tutor, we’re studying Herodotus and Thucydides, the two first true historians in the Western world, which means looking at the origins and purpose of history as both a literary genre and a field of study.  The lecturer for the course has told me and the other two tutors (including Jim, whom you know from my Black 2/White 2 playthrough journals) that we have his permission to spend the entire week’s classes screwing with our students’ heads.  I’m going to practice on you, okay?

So.  What is history?

Some of you, no doubt, are thinking something along the lines of “the study of past events,” which is close but needs to be more specific, because there are lots of past events that clearly don’t fall under history.  The formation of mountains, oceans, and valleys, for instance, is the object of geology, while evolution and extinction come under the purview of palaeontology, and what I ate for dinner last night is of no special interest to anyone (but, just in case you’re wondering, it was a sort of Hungarian fried bread called langos, served with a herb paste and jalapenos).  Narrowing it to “the study of past events involving humans” doesn’t really get it either because that encompasses significant chunks of anthropology and archaeology as well as history (I mean, granted, there’s overlap, but they’re still distinct disciplines).  Strictly speaking, history is the study of past events for which a contemporary or near-contemporary (relatively speaking) written record exists – and that sounds like an awfully specific, restrictive definition but it’s really not, because history touches aspects of politics, war, economics, architecture, drama, sociology, mythology, philosophy, art and poetry.  A lot of the time, particularly when dealing with the distant past as I do (well, distant in terms of human civilisation, anyway), we have to rely on texts that weren’t written with ‘history’ in mind at all, but instead are more closely related to one of these spheres of human existence   Almost everything we know about the Mycenaean civilisation of the Greek Bronze Age, for instance, comes to us from the preserved clay tablets used by their capital sites to record all incoming and outgoing trade goods – basically, we have the last two months of their bank statements, and this, amazingly, is able to tell us all kinds of things about their political structure, society, diet, industry, infrastructure, and even religion, if you know how to look.  These tablets were reusable – they weren’t intended to provide long-term records, and they certainly weren’t meant for us, more than three thousand years later, but sometimes, if an archive room was destroyed by fire, the tablets would be baked hard and become permanent, so something that was never meant to be ‘historical’ in any sense of the word has become our primary source of historical information for an entire civilisation, which when you think about it is so absurd it’s wonderful, and vice versa.

So now that we’re agreed on all that, what is the past?

No, seriously; I’m asking.  What is the past?

Do you even know?

We often talk and think about the distant past as though it’s a place, like a foreign country where people speak a funny language and everyone does things a little bit differently and no-one has an iPhone.  We all ‘came from’ this foreign place, but none of us can ever ‘go back’ there, and we can’t see it or touch it.  It can only be observed by studying its effects on the present.  I can’t see or otherwise observe my last night’s dinner.  It’s gone.  I only know about it because I can remember it – because its image has been imprinted on my brain somehow.  You can’t observe it either.  You only know about it because I’ve told you.  But why did I tell you?  Was it just because I wanted you to know, or because I wanted to make a point about the nature of the past?  Is making that point important enough to me that I could have just made something up?

What is time?

If everything in the universe just… stopped… if all the molecules stopped reacting, and all the atoms stopped vibrating, and all the electrons froze in their orbitals, just for, say, ten seconds, how would we ever know about it?  Our thoughts would be frozen with everything else.  We wouldn’t need to breathe, because our cells wouldn’t be using up oxygen in respiration.  Our hearts would stop beating, but none of our organs would be doing anything that needed blood.  How would we know?  What if, maybe, there was one clock, one wristwatch or something, somewhere, that kept ticking, kept using energy, for those ten seconds? Would that wristwatch be the only thing in the universe that kept time ‘properly’?  Yes?  But we use clocks and watches to keep track of the earth’s movement around the sun.  If the earth and sun stop moving, along with everything else, and the watch keeps ticking, isn’t it doing something wrong?

We perceive time – we can only perceive time – through change.  Maybe that’s all time is.

When we study history and archaeology, we attempt to make observations and deductions about the past.  We do this by examining the present and extrapolating.  If there is a building, it must have been built.  If there is a pot, it must have been fired.  If there is a book, it must have been written.  But who wrote it?  It’s certainly a copy.  The number of original texts surviving from antiquity is minuscule.  In most cases, the version we have will have been copied by a mediaeval ascetic hunched over a desk in a dingy monastery in Scotland.  His version will have been copied out by a clergyman in France a few decades earlier.  Sometimes the monk will sneeze, or his pen will slip, or he’ll spill his water on the page he’s reading.  You see the difficulty here?  Eventually there would have been an original manuscript penned by the author (now lost, of course).  But why did he write it (in the cultures I study, it almost always is a ‘he,’ normally a rich, educated ‘he,’ which of course creates a whole slew of its own problems)?  Does it represent how he saw the world?  Or how he wanted others to see it?  Do either of those things resemble the way the world actually was?

Herodotus was the first person in the Western world ever to write history for the sake of history.  Or was he?  The ancient Greeks, his audience, don’t seem to have drawn much of a distinction between ‘history’ and mythology – both are stories about the past that explain the present.  Both Herodotus and Thucydides refer to Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, along with other lesser-known poems, as though they represent fairly authoritative records of past events.  The Iliad is the story of a great war, the war against Troy – and so are Herodotus’ Histories, which tell the story of the wars between the Greek city-states and the Persian Achaemenid Empire, roughly a generation before Herodotus’ time.  We see them as different, because we think of the Persian Wars as something fixed, something that really happened, and the Trojan War as something vague and insubstantial, something that might have happened, but probably not exactly as Homer tells it.  But did Herodotus?  He definitely seems to recognise he’s doing something different – if he didn’t, surely he would have written an epic poem, rather than prose.  The only other major prose genre of this era, incidentally, is philosophy, which seems like it might say something interesting about what Herodotus thought he was doing.  He calls his work ἱστοριαι (historiai) – ‘inquiries’ or ‘researches’ – this is where our word ‘history’ comes from.  He says more than once that he writes down everything he hears, whether he believes it or not, allowing his readers to make up their own minds – he just inquires, and writes down his findings.  For heaven’s sake, at one point he tells a story about the giant ants that live in India building their nests out of golden sand.  So where does that leave us?  Clearly someone told him about the giant ants and, having never been to India, he didn’t know whether it was true or not, so he wrote it down for us to decide.  Was he doing something similar when he wrote about the Persian Wars, which we now treat as historical fact?  If so, it seems to have worked – archaeology has repeatedly backed him up on many important details.  The closer he is to Athens, the more accurate he seems to be – but what do we do when he’s using second- third- or fourth-hand information about something that happened two hundred years earlier, like the tyranny of the Cypselids at Corinth (for which he is also our major source)?

Then there’s Herodotus’ successor, Thucydides, who wrote about the war between Athens and Sparta at the end of the fifth century BC.  People think Thucydides is a ‘better’ historian than Herodotus, because he’s critical of his evidence; he weighs up the facts available to them, and he judges which interpretation is more likely to be correct, while Herodotus just uncritically writes down everything.  The trouble is that Thucydides is also very interested in causes and patterns in history.  He tells us that Athens lost the war (or rather, couldn’t win the war – he died before it actually ended) because, when their visionary statesman Pericles died in a plague, no-one stepped forward to replace him as the strong ‘guiding hand’ of the democracy (or at least, no-one half as good as Pericles was), leading to an indecisive mob rule that crippled the city’s ability to plan long-term strategies.  They could fight the war, but they couldn’t end it.  Because Thucydides tells us these things, this is the ‘standard’ interpretation of the Peloponnesian War, which is taught to first-year students.  But what if Thucydides wasn’t as impartial a writer as many believe?  What if, by choosing to emphasise certain factors and downplay others, he’s trying to persuade his readers to accept his own political views?  Let us not forget that Thucydides himself was an Athenian general, exiled for his failure to defend the city of Amphipolis from a Spartan attack (in no small part because the Assembly refused to send him reinforcements).  Could he maybe have an axe to grind?

People think history is about memorising facts, names, and dates, and it’s not.  It’s really not.  It’s about realising that there are no facts anymore.  There is only the book.  It was written.  Events occurred that caused it to be written.

That’s what history is.

White 2 Playthrough Journal, episode 17: Sifting through the ashes

Lentimas Town, of course, wasn’t in the original Black and White; it’s a completely new area.  Perhaps the town was only founded recently?  As Skyla’s plane swoops in, we see dead trees, parched red soil, homes built from mud-brick, and a rickety wooden fence marking out the border of the town.  Even the airfield is strewn with boulders.  Charming little place.  ‘Rustic,’ I think to myself.  Yes, let’s call it rustic.  We later learn that Lentimas isn’t a new settlement at all – it’s just downright inaccessible.  Aside from the airfield, the only way into Lentimas Town is from the east – which is dominated by the imposing Reversal Mountain.  Why would anyone even want to come here, with such obstacles in their way?  We discover the answer not long after landing.  Lentimas is a pottery town – the area’s industry is centred on the production of fine ceramics and porcelain from the local volcanic clays.  Not exactly a matter of any great importance for Pokémon trainers, but towns have been founded on shakier grounds than that.  Professor Juniper explains that we can reach Undella Town through the recently-dug tunnels in Reversal Mountain, encourages us to travel that way to reach Opelucid City, and leaves us to it.  Her own reasons for coming to Lentimas Town remain obscure, and I assume she is here to purchase some of the local porcelain. Bianca departs to explore Reversal Mountain, while Jim and I check out the town.  It is, much as we surmised from our aerial survey, a grim place.  Still, I do find two very important things: a Fire Stone and a Move Tutor.  My Growlithe, Barristan, has been falling behind my other Pokémon for some time now, so with the Fire Stone in hand, I evolve him into an Arcanine and enlist the services of the local Move Tutor to teach him Dragon Pulse.  Thus equipped, I depart Lentimas Town with Jim, fully intending never to come back.

Lentimas reminds me a little of Fallarbor Town, in Hoenn, only much more depressing.  Fallarbor makes the most of Mount Chimney’s volcanic soils to produce thriving crops, and the nearby river keeps the place from drying out too much.  It’s recognisably a ‘desert,’ but as deserts go, it’s not so bad.  Not much of anything grows in Lentimas Town.  Clearly a forest surrounded the town at one point, but those trees look long dead.  I get the sense people only live there out of sheer obstinacy.  All of this, I think, is intentional on the part of the game designers, and provides a nice contrast to the fairly idealised cities we see in the rest of Unova, where everyone’s needs are easily met.  It’s sort of a shame that not much of anything actually happens in Lentimas Town, because it could make a pretty fun backdrop for a battle against Team Plasma or similar, or even a Gym battle.  Although there’s little of interest in the town itself, we do soon find something worth closer investigation just outside it…

The slopes of Reversal Mountain are inhabited by a variety of Pokémon that remind me again of Hoenn, since many of them are associated with the volcanic ecosystems around Mount Chimney – Numel, Spoink, and Skarmory, as well as a couple of desert Pokémon like Trapinch.  We hack our way through to the main tunnel entrance, but realise there’s more to explore outside the mountain.  Passing east through a long, overgrown defile, we find our way to a large, abandoned house, built in the same style as those in Lentimas Town.  We scratch our heads over the place for a moment.  It looks like it ought to be part of Lentimas Town, but it’s set so far away – whoever lived here didn’t want to be bothered.  What’s more, the owner must have been quite wealthy; the building is much larger than any of those in the town.  We consider ignoring it and getting on with our quest, until we remember that our quest is currently to find and talk to a couple of Dragon masters who probably aren’t going anywhere.  I give a disarming smile and suggest that Jim take point; after all, there’s no telling what might have caused this place to be abandoned.

The house is a wreck inside, with furniture strewn everywhere, and seems to be infested with Ghost Pokémon.  I call Barristan to keep them at bay, and we attempt to pick our way around the detritus to search for some clue to the owners’ fate.  Most of the rooms are blocked off, but we do find a library downstairs.  The reading material is surprisingly morbid – most of it details the sinister powers of a variety of Ghost- and Psychic-type Pokémon.  Who would collect books like this, and why?  When we emerge from the library, we find that almost all of the scattered furniture has been rearranged – by Ghost Pokémon trying to psych us out?  Maybe not.  We catch sight of what appears to be a human ghost, a little girl, muttering something about a dream of darkness and trying to find her parents and her Abra.  We try to follow her, but find our path blocked by more piles of rubbish.  We stumble across a couple of other Pokémon trainers hanging out – a backpacker simply exploring the place, and a decidedly nutty psychic who seems to be using the area’s latent energy as a power source.  Both are singularly unhelpful in figuring out anything about the house’s former occupants.  Every time we turn around, though, more debris has moved, and different rooms open up while others are sealed off.  We catch another glimpse of the dead girl, who talks about hearing her father’s voice in her dream, and mentions something about the Lunar Wing – the powerful dream talisman associated with the crescent moon Pokémon, Cresselia.  Hmm.  With only one room left unexplored, we consider calling on all our Pokémon to shove aside the immense, ugly credenza blocking the doorway, but think better of it.  Instead, we simply turn our backs on it and close our eyes.  A moment later, there is a thunk, and we turn back to see that the door is clear.  Entering the room, we find it rather differently furnished to all the other rooms in the building, and also substantially better lit.  The light, Jim soon points out, is coming from a sparkling golden feather lying in the centre of the room.  Gesturing to him to cover me in case something horrifying happens, I edge closer to the feather and pick it up.  The ghost of the little girl appears.  She explains to us that the Lunar Wing will be no help to her now, but urges us to return it to the Pokémon it came from, who will be waiting on a bridge.  She disappears before we can ask for clarification.

So what happened here?  It seems like the little girl must have fallen under Darkrai’s nightmare curse, prompting her family to research possible causes for her affliction and a way to cure it, hence the library.  Clearly, they succeeded and found the Lunar Wing – so why, then, is her ghost haunting the place?  Why was the house abandoned?  Why was the Lunar Wing left behind?  The only explanation I can think of is that the Lunar Wing didn’t work for some reason, and the girl died.  Maybe she was already too far gone by the time her family found the talisman – or, perhaps even more unsettling, maybe it wasn’t Darkrai’s curse at all but something else that had similar symptoms?

More could have been made of this place, but I like it – the atmosphere is suitably eerie, and unlike the Old Chateau of Diamond and Pearl, it gives you a mystery to investigate and think about.  If nothing else, it’s a heck of a lot more interesting than Lentimas Town proper.

I stash the Lunar Wing in my backpack.  I have no idea where I’m supposed to take it, but I figure it’s not too much effort to take it out and wave around it in the air whenever I’m on a bridge.  Jim and I put the abandoned house behind us and return to Reversal Mountain.  Almost immediately upon entering, we encounter Bianca.  She has a research project in the works here, and apparently needs our help with it.  Bianca is studying Reversal Mountain in the hopes of learning something about Heatran, the legendary volcano Pokémon whose life force is supposedly tied to its home’s volcanic activity.  She can’t get through the tunnels on her own, though – the Pokémon are too strong.  She offers us her services as a healer if we will agree to be her bodyguards, and promises that she and her Musharna will do their best to pull their weight.  We consent with a shrug.  Reversal Mountain turns out to be a bog standard cave, really – albeit with a little more lava.  We find the heart of the volcano, which is depressingly empty, and Bianca murmurs something about a Magma Stone (the item used in calling Heatran) to herself while taking some notes.  I think she had been hoping to find the stone here, or at least somewhere in Reversal Mountain, but although we scour every inch of the place, it doesn’t turn up.  Eventually, Jim and I grow bored and decide to leave through the eastern tunnels to Undella Town.  Bianca stays behind – doubtless she wants to keep trying to summon Heatran and take its power for herself – and gives us a cheery farewell as we leave the stifling tunnels of the volcano behind us.

If you were put in charge of the next pokémon game, but still had to stick with the same general archetypes and framework as the past games, what sort of concepts and themes would you want to include?

“If I were put in charge of the next Pokémon game” is set to be the topic of my next major project once I get the rest of this playthrough journal out of the way.  In brief, though:

– I would really like to explore the possible variations on the relationship between humans and Pokémon a bit more, through a combination of subplots/side-quests and maybe expanded mechanics for the way players relate to individual Pokémon.  This could possibly tie into the ‘Pokémon liberation’ philosophies put forward by N and Ghetsis in Black and White; I would like to make that a major theme, but that might feel less like a new game and more like my take on Black and White, so maybe keeping that to the side is best.

– I have always been convinced that Pokémon is about exploration and discovery.  I would like to increase the direct relevance of the Pokédex quest (and, by extension, of learning more about individual species of Pokémon) to the way the story unfolds and the way we play the game.

– I think the responsibility that comes with power would be something Pokémon could do a lot with.  Pokémon games always end with the player becoming Champion, but your position and its importance are rarely acknowledged in-game.  Surely the most powerful trainer in the region has certain duties?  Obligations?  Or, if nothing else, personal goals which are furthered by this power?

Squiddy Tweaks

So, results on the tweaks proposed to our democratically-designed Pokémon are as follows:

Turbo Wave, Squiddy’s V-Create-style signature move, is reduced in power from 180 to 160.

Base stats are unchanged.

Dark Pulse, Earth Power, Thunderbolt, Thunder, Ice Beam, Blizzard and Icy Wind stay; Giga Drain, Energy Ball, Volt Switch, Baton Pass and Calm Mind go.

Scald replaces Muddy Water as a level-up move.

(Thatswhatbradsaid; if you feel like doing another stat sheet with these revisions that’d be helpful, but if not I don’t mind doing it myself)

Now we need to tidy up a few flavour aspects.  There are three things I’d like to take submissions on now.

First is a name.  I can’t keep calling him Squiddy (er… or can I?).  Chewiana Jones, who initially created the steampunk squid concept, suggested Colosquiln, and another reader, Lucas, has suggested Boilossus, but I’d like to hear more ideas.  Personally I’m not sure that either of those sounds quite right, but, well, it’s not up to me!  There’ll be a vote on this just like everything else.  The main restriction to be aware of here is that Pokémon names are never longer than 10 characters (ironically enough, they also never have accented characters like é – in English, at least; I don’t know about the other European languages).  If you have an idea that’s in the 11-12 range, think about dropping one or two letters (as happened with the missing final vowel from Feraligatr, or what would have been a double-l in Victreebel).

The second thing is height and weight, which I actually want to fold in with the third thing: Pokédex entries, which should probably have some basis in Chewiana Jones’ original concept brief, although you don’t need to stick slavishly to it.  I’m hoping to get a bit of variety in the submissions for these things.  I’m going to say we need three (hypothetically, this would be one for Black, one for White, one for Black 2/White 2), and ideally you should submit a full set.  Pokédex entries aren’t long; they need to give all the information they possibly can about a Pokémon in perhaps two medium-length sentences.  Try to be concise.  Take a look at some existing entries to see the kind of length you should be shooting for.  You should also provide a ‘species classification’ – Pikachu is ‘the Mouse Pokémon,’  Bulbasaur is ‘the Seed Pokémon,’ and so on.  Don’t worry if the name you want is already in use – quite a few Pokémon have duplicate classifications (Espeon and Sunflora, for instance, are both ‘Sun Pokémon’).  Pokémon traditionally gives weight and height in pounds and feet, which is dumb, but, well, conventions are conventions, so that’s what your entries should do too.  You can give metric figures as well if you want to.  I think it’s kind of a given that Squiddy is pretty big, but how big?  Do remember that very few Pokémon are truly enormous – the largest one in existence, Wailord, is less than half the size of a real blue whale.

There is a fourth thing, which is a collection of miscellaneous game data: the experience points and effort points it grants when defeated, which experience curve it uses, how long its eggs take to hatch, its base happiness, and how easy it is to capture.  For most of these, I’ll just pick a couple of representative options myself and make a poll out of them; there’s not a whole lot to discuss (for example, base happiness is 70 for almost all non-legendary Pokémon, there are only six possible experience curves to choose from, and it’s something of a foregone conclusion that Squiddy will grant some combination of speed and special attack effort points).

Anyhow.  Anyone who wants to try writing a set of three Pokédex entries (with height and weight data and a classification) or coming up with a name should now send their suggestions to pokemaniac.chris@gmail.com.  Until next time!

White 2 Playthrough Journal, episode 16: Air show

Considering Mistralton City is the only destination for cargo planes headed into Unova, it’s kind of a hick town – honestly, more of a hamlet tacked onto the side of the (much larger) airport.  How it gained itself the name of ‘City’ is beyond me; if the airport is discounted, the only settlement of comparable size in all Unova is Nuvema Town.  ‘Mistralton Airfield and Passenger Accommodations’ might be more appropriate.  I discuss all this quite loudly with Jim, who tells me in a low hiss to keep my voice down, as we walk through the alleged city.  As tiny as Mistralton is, though, it is not long before my highly enlightening speech is interrupted by an encounter with a familiar face – or at least, what would be a familiar face if we had met her yet in this game: Professor Juniper.  Juniper takes a moment to inquire after our health and enthuse about our meteoric progress through the ranks of Unova’s trainers.  She has, she says with a manic grin, gifts for us.  She tells us to close our eyes, and then presses two hard, smooth spheres into our outstretched hands.  We open our eyes to see-

Good grief.

Master Balls?  I stare at Professor Juniper with a mix of incredulity and swelling egomania.  Does she know what she’s just given us?  Can she possibly be aware what these things are capable of?  She has literally just met us, and-!  Why, a Master Ball is the kind of artefact that can bring down entire cities in the wrong hands… and these, I think to myself as my eyes flicker downwards, look very much like the wrong hands.  I gently slip my Master Ball into my pocket and thank Professor Juniper gracefully for her generous gift – which, I am careful to explain, will surely be a great help to us in the course of our research work for her and Bianca.  I speculate in strident tones about the rare Pokémon I might use it on: an Amoonguss, perhaps, or a Zweilous; maybe even a Golurk.  Juniper nods approvingly.  Jim glances at me, raises an eyebrow, and follows suit.  Before I can continue my effusive facade, someone shouts a greeting to Professor Juniper – Skyla, the young Mistralton Gym Leader.  Skyla, it seems, has been engaged to fly Juniper and Bianca across the central Unova basin to a place called Lentimas Town, and is eager to leave.  Juniper, however, has yet to conclude her business in Mistralton City, and was actually just about to head north to finish up some investigations of the nearby Celestial Tower.  She indicates that one or both of us would be welcome to join her there, and to come with her to Lentimas Town on Skyla’s plane once her work is finished.  With that, she leaves for the tower, and Skyla for the Mistralton Gym.  I couldn’t care less about whatever Professor Juniper is up to, but figure I might as well challenge Skyla as long as we’re here.  Jim decides to follow the professor, more to get in some training than anything else.

When I enter Skyla’s Gym, I am immediately struck in the face by a blast of wind that turns my Princess Leia hairstyle into a pair of exploded hedgehogs.  Struggling to move against the wind, I manage about three steps before the gale abruptly cuts out and I stumble forward to fall flat on my face.  Taking a mirror from my pocket and surveying my desolated hairdo, I silently vow to make Skyla pay for this.  Realising that Clyde the Guide and some of the Gym trainers seem to be watching me, I abandon silence and instead vow at the top of my voice to make Skyla pay for this.  I gather my wits, stumble to my feet, and am immediately bowled over by another blast of air from the far wall.  Once this one falters, I grudgingly examine my surroundings.  The wind is coming from a wall of massive industrial fans stacked at the back of the Gym.  I can make out Skyla in the distance, seemingly unfazed by the periodic windstorms that rock her home.  Some lights flicker on at the back of the building and the fans begin to come to life again.  Thinking quickly, I duck behind one of the statues at the entrance and crouch in its shadow.  I still feel the wind, but it doesn’t knock me over this time.  I peep out from behind the statue and scope out the Gym’s obstacle course.  There seems to be enough cover for me to dash between sheltered spots while the fans are powered down.  The moment the wind stops, I leap out from behind the statue and run quickly to the nearest hollow in the floor, where I crouch and wait for the next gust.  Moving like this, stopping occasionally to smite any trainer fool enough to laugh at my hair, I manage to pick my way to the back of the Gym where Skyla awaits.

Skyla is tough.  As her Swoobat shakes off Daenerys’ Crunch to come back with a devastating Acrobatics attack, I muse that Jim may have had the right idea by going north for some training first.  Still, this is now a matter of pride.  I bring out Jaime the Dewott to finish Swoobat, then switch to my Growlithe, Barristan, to melt Skyla’s Skarmory to slag.  Finally, my ever-dependable Ampharos, Sansa, hammers her Swanna with a powerful Discharge to end the match.  As Skyla begins her ‘gracious defeat’ speech and prepares to hand over my Jet Badge, I call Jaime again and have him hold a Razor Shell to her throat.  Once I have Skyla’s attention, I demand to know her secret.  How on earth does she spend all day in this building without getting her hair and clothes blown into total disarray?  Skyla tells me, in a low rasp, to touch them.  Her hair is frozen in place by what must be a litre of gel, and her clothes are stiff with starch.  She looks perhaps a touch worse for wear, while I seem to have spent two months homeless in Kansas.  She snickers and offers to give me the name of a cheap hairdresser.

Jim claims that he heard my howl of rage from as far away as the Celestial Tower.

Jim fell behind Professor Juniper battling trainers on the road to the Celestial Tower, but catches up to her before long.  She is standing near the centre of the tower’s ground floor, looking about in silence.  She murmurs something about the Pokémon that live there – Ghost-types and Psychic-types.  Did they live here before the tower was built, or did they gather there afterwards?  This, Jim surmises, must be the subject of her research here.  A difficult question to answer, but important and fascinating; with the help of a powerful Pokémon trainer, surely it will be possible to-

Oh, no, wait, never mind.  She’s all done here.  She just wanted to stand there for a bit and think about how clever she is.  She beams at Jim, gives him another rare and powerful item (this time a Lucky Egg) and then departs.  Jim stays behind to clear out the tower and catch a few specimens for further research, but doesn’t linger for long.  The Celestial Tower is a little creepy.  It’s one of those places that don’t take kindly to intrusion.

Once everyone is back in Mistralton City, Jim challenges Skyla to a battle, which ends very quickly, thanks to the extra training his own Ampharos, Elisif, has had in the northern areas.  Professor Juniper watches and gives a sagely nod, as if to say that our progress is satisfactory, and prompts Skyla to hurry up and get her plane ready so she and Bianca can leave for Lentimas Town.  Skyla obliges, and turns to ask me and Jim whether we’re coming.  I give an indifferent shrug.  Juniper indicates that there are two more Pokémon Gyms in Unova that we won’t be able to reach easily without crossing the central Unova basin.  Meh.  We’ve got six each of these damn badges, what good are two more going to do us?  She attempts to appeal to our sense of duty, noting that there are people in Lacunosa Town and Opelucid City who can help us figure out what Team Plasma is trying to do.  I laugh in her face.  Surely she has learnt by now that we have no sense of duty.  Jim muses, though, that consulting with the Dragon masters of Opelucid City is probably the only way we’re ever going to learn more about the origins of Unova and the history of the legendary Pokémon.  I wave my hand, inviting him to continue.  This could, Jim speculates, be a potential path to world domination if exploited fully.  We have Master Balls now – imagine what we could do if we found a Pokémon as powerful as Zekrom or Reshiram?  I consider this.  We can always Fly back if the whole experience becomes too banal to cope with, I suppose.  The matter decided, we pile into Skyla’s plane and set a course for Lentimas Town.

White 2 Playthrough Journal, episode 15: The wind beneath my wings

As I hike back through the desert and across the great drawbridge to Driftveil City, I silently vow to evolve Daenerys into a Vibrava so I can show up Jim and his stupid Ducklett, Lydia.  How does a Ducklett even carry a kid halfway across the country, anyway?  The damn things barely come up to my knee!  Muttering mutinously to myself, I storm right through Driftveil, casting black looks at the commoners who cross my path, and move on to the next road – the road to the Chargestone Cave and Mistralton City.  With Daenerys at my side, I smite every wild Pokémon foolish enough to harass me, and eventually I am rewarded for my ill temper – Daenerys evolves at last.  I immediately teach her Fly and celebrate by flying right back to Castelia, buying a bag of rainbow confetti, and then zipping around Unova in a convoluted zig-zag pattern, sprinkling cheer and joy over every town I pass.  Some hours later, I grow bored and have Daenerys take me back to Driftveil City.  Jim can’t be that far ahead, right?  He’s probably waiting somewhere on the road to the Chargestone Cave, level grinding.  Sure enough, I soon find both him and Cheren hanging out at the climate research lab on route 6.  I strut in, my new Vibrava at my side, completely ignoring Cheren and the bewildered scientists, and approach Jim.  I scratch Daenerys behind her nonexistent ears and proudly tell him of my accomplishments, mocking him for his sad little Ducklett and basking in the glory of my proper flying Pokémon.  As I begin to wind down, Jim wordlessly takes Lydia’s Pokéball from his belt and cracks it open.  Out pops…

…Lydia the Swanna.

God damn it.

Deprived so cruelly of my moment in the sun, I remember that Cheren is here and decide that questioning him is better than wallowing in my own inferiority.  Why is he at the climate lab, anyway?  Cheren has come to make use of the climate scientists’ sophisticated monitoring equipment to investigate a strange anomaly – the sharp temperature drop we felt when we boarded the Team Plasma ship.  Apparently similar extreme temperature gradients have been detected all around Unova, vanishing as suddenly as they appear – in Virbank City, Castelia City, and far away Lacunosa Town.   Hmm.  Virbank City and Castelia City.  We fought Team Plasma in both of those places, so presumably their ship was nearby.  And Lacunosa… Lacunosa is near the Giant Chasm, Kyurem’s home.  More confirmation, then – they have Kyurem.  Kyurem is on the ship.  But that’s game over, isn’t it?  They control the legendary dragon, but this time there’s no goody two-shoes N figure standing in the way to mess up their plans by insisting that they re-enact some ancient epic and give another hero time to mount a challenge.  That sounds to me like it’s time to pack up and let them have Unova.  I’ve always wanted to go to Hoenn anyway.  Jim points out that this isn’t necessarily so.  Kyurem’s the crappy dragon, remember?  The one who’s an empty shell, thought to be the ‘corpse’ left behind when Reshiram and Zekrom split in the first place.  Unless the other two dragons come back and ‘restore’ him somehow, Kyurem’s not nearly as apocalyptically powerful as either of them.  And Reshiram and Zekrom are both gone.

…right?

I grudgingly concede that our doom may not be at hand just yet.  Meanwhile, some of the climate researchers in the background are heard to speculate on my dedication to upholding the virtues of the Pokémon Trainer, and on my general sanity.  I punish them by confiscating one of the Serene Grace Deerling they use to study seasonal climate variation.  This Deerling, under the name of Bran, becomes the sixth and final member of my party, and with a little training very quickly evolves into Sawsbuck.  Thus appeased of my minor humiliation at Lydia’s hands (or… wings), I gather Jim and move on, wishing Cheren luck in his ongoing investigation.  We again set our sights on the Chargestone Cave and Mistralton City.  A few Foonguss bar our path, and we exterminate them for the insult.  Soon, though, approaching a bridge over the Mistralton River, we encounter a far more significant challenge to our passage – none other than the legendary Pokémon Cobalion.  It tosses its head and cries out, glaring in our direction.  I march onto the bridge to negotiate with Cobalion for our passage.

“Right.  Shove off, or we will beat you senseless and stuff you into a tiny ball.”  Cobalion responds with a Sacred Sword attack that narrowly misses my head as I dodge to the left and tumble to the ground.

This is how haggling works; you start with an unacceptable offer and an equally absurd counteroffer, and then work your way towards the middle.

I get up, dust myself off, clear my throat, and prepare to launch into an impassioned harangue on the rights of Pokémon and the privileges of humans – a prelude to my revised offer of “shove off, or we will beat you senseless and not stuff you into a tiny ball."  Jim knocks me to the ground as Cobalion pre-empts my speech with another Sacred Sword.  Honestly, the rudeness of some people!  I had everything under control; it was all part of the diplomatic process!  Cobalion, evidently insulted by Jim’s interruption, roars again and springs away, disappearing into the hills.  I shake my fist as he vanishes into the distance, swearing to finish our conversation some other time.  Without warning, we hear Rood’s voice from behind us.  The old sage, along with one of his similarly geriatric attendants, has apparently observed our encounter with Cobalion.  They talk us through Cobalion’s backstory – how he, Virizion and Terrakion became the enemies of humankind because they realised how much harm human conflicts can cause to Pokémon.  Rood speculates that Cobalion’s reappearance may have something to do with Team Plasma, and suggests that catching him would greatly increase our already formidable powers.  Jim feels it would be a waste of our time, but I am intrigued.  I’ve mentioned long ago that one of my difficulties with Cobalion’s quartet is the fact that, although their background and beliefs give them every reason to be directly involved in the ideological conflict with N, they spend Black and White hiding, taking no part unless the player chooses to drag them into things.  Could they actually have something to do in this game?  I am sufficiently curious to go and check out Cobalion’s home, the Mistralton Cave, while Jim presses on towards Mistralton City.  The cave turns out to be a let-down.  There is nothing of interest there, barring another old man who claims to be searching for Cobalion, but has no idea where to look.  Disgruntled, I stomp out of the cave and run to catch up with Jim in the nearby Chargestone Cave, the seldom-used pathway to Mistralton City.

Jim, meanwhile, is following someone.  Picking his way between the electrified stones that levitate above the cave’s floor, he heard a voice – a rapid, almost incomprehensible stream of consciousness, rambling about the formulas that express the power of electricity.  At first Jim followed at a safe distance, expecting some garden-variety nut-job and wanting to approach with caution – but then the person he was following began to speak about something entirely different.  Something about saving Pokémon, and protecting a friend.  Wait.  Hmm.  Jim quietly recalls his Pokémon and creeps through the cave, trying to hear more of this suspiciously familiar fellow’s musings.  At this point, I find him and startle him with a loud, echoing “HI, JIM!”  There is a frantic scuffling sound in the distance, then nothing.  Jim turns and mimes throttling me.  As a gesture of reconciliation, I send Daenerys through the cave to see if she can find anything, but to our immeasurable displeasure she manages only to find and lead us to Bianca.  Bianca is evidently researching the Pokémon of the Chargestone Cave for Professor Juniper, but is having trouble with one species in particular – the elusive Tynamo.  We obligingly descend into the cave’s deepest level and capture a Tynamo for Science.  When we make it back to Bianca and present the Tynamo to her, we discover that the ungrateful little ditz doesn’t want it, and indeed refuses even to look at the thing – she’s happy to stand around in the cave navel-gazing and wondering what Tynamo do with their lives.  We leave in disgust, and soon find the north exit to the cave, emerging into the light of Mistralton City.

Stat Spread Adjustments

For our current state of progress on creating a new Pokémon, look here:
http://pokemaniacal.tumblr.com/post/44444376996/so-what-now
Study that post (and the comments) carefully before voting on the polls below.

I now want to see whether readers thing any adjustments to this thing’s stats and movepool (created by Thatswhatbradsaid) are called for.  Each potential change has an individual poll, and I will not change something unless fewer than 33% of people are in favour of leaving it (if multiple possible changes are offered – as in the stats poll – the most popular change will be enacted, if “no change” gets less than 33% support).  Anyway, here we go:

Turbo Wave

Squiddy has a signature move, Turbo Wave, which is effectively a special Water-type equivalent to V-Create: 180 power, 90% accuracy, reduces user’s defence, special defence and speed after use.  Should this move be toned down?

Stats

The stats given to Squiddy by Thatswhatbradsaid are actually the lowest in total of all the submissions I received.  In fact, I’ve actually seen suggestions that its defences could stand to be buffed.  Here are some options.  Obviously the number of possible permutations for this poll is enormous; I’ve tried to offer a few reasonable choices.

Movepool: various special attacks

This thing gets a lot of special attacks.  Like, I think Normal, Fighting, Flying, Psychic and Rock are the only types he doesn’t have a good special attack from (and let us not forget that there are no good Rock-type special attacks).  I don’t want to make a blanket statement on these, so I’m doing individual polls for everything questionable.  Remember, I’ll only make a change if it has at least 67% support.

I’m making the executive decision that Zap Cannon is fine since using it is so risky.  I would like to question Volt Switch separately from the other Electric attacks, however.

Movepool: Support moves

Questions have been raised about this thing’s support movepool, and since its primary role is clearly going to be sweeping anyway I’m not hugely concerned about that, but I have to wonder whether Baton Pass was totally necessary, and whether Calm Mind is thematically appropriate.

Movepool: Scald

Honestly, I think we can all agree that there’s no reason for this guy not to have Scald (I think Brad mentioned that it was an oversight?).  Still, I want to make it official, so here’s a poll.

Y’know, I’m really beginning to feel the strain of the limitations placed on this kind of collaborative project by the format of this blog…

If you had the opportunity to retcon anything in the pokemon games (you know, things like slowpoke’s evolution not actually depending on shellder, and the ridiculous incense-dependent baby pokemon) what would it be?

Well, there are a lot of evolution methods I’d want to play with; not just things like linking Slowpoke and Shellder somehow, but just stuff like tweaking a bunch of evolutionary levels, throwing in stones or taking them out, adjusting the degree of happiness required for certain Pokémon to evolve, etc.  Black and White, for instance, introduced a lot of Pokémon with really ridiculously high levels for evolution – apparently basing those levels on the points at which you first capture them in the game rather than on the relative power or rarity of the Pokémon in question, as previous games have.  This gives you absurd things like Rufflet and Vullaby evolving at level 54, Mienfoo at 50, or Pawniard at 52, when comparable Pokémon in previous games would be more likely to evolve in their high twenties to mid thirties, anything as high as 50 being previously reserved for Pokémon like Salamence and Dragonite.  I can understand the rationale for organising things this way – they don’t want you to catch these Pokémon and have them evolve almost immediately – but it results in them dragging their feet until the very end of the game, since other Pokémon have reached their final forms long ago. The reason I feel this is inappropriate is because it ties those Pokémon to specific stages of the game.  What if, in future games, designers want Rufflet or Mienfoo to be available early (for whatever reason)?  You’re faced with 30 or 40 levels of comparative uselessness on their part (it doesn’t help that they have no intermediate forms).  At least Magikarp gets it over with fairly quickly.  Slowpoke, Ponyta and Rhyhorn have to wait until 37, 40 and 42 respectively, and honestly I think anything more becomes unreasonable (and Rhyhorn, at least, is a lot stronger than most unevolved Pokémon).

Then there are a few Pokémon that are just weird – like Marill.  For Azurill to become friendly enough to evolve into Marill can easily take until level 16 or so… and then Marill evolves almost immediately into Azumarill at level 18.  I think that should really have been pushed up into the mid twenties when Azurill was released; thanks to Huge Power, Marill isn’t exactly a pushover anyway.  Alternatively, Azurill could be tweaked to evolve earlier (along with most of the other ‘baby’ Pokémon – stuff like Pichu and Igglybuff really should be evolving sooner than stuff like Eevee and Riolu).  I might also introduce a level requirement for the use of evolutionary stones (no level 2 Togekiss for you).  Take the Sun Stone and Moon Stone requirements away from Sunflora and Delcatty, so there can be a possibility of evolving them again if future designers should will it so, and maybe paste them onto someone else instead (it seems like it would make a lot of thematic sense for Gothorita to evolve into Gothitelle by using a Moon stone, for instance).  And for goodness’ sake, do something with Tyrogue’s ridiculous evolution method.  Attack > Defense —> Hitmonlee – fine.  Attack < Defense —> Hitmonchan – fine.  Attack = Defense —> Hitmontop – much harder for no good reason, and also makes no sense since Hitmontop is easily the most defensively-oriented of the lot.

And yes, why not get rid of the incense while we’re at it?  I understand the intent there; I get that they’re trying to maintain a degree of internal consistency between the games of different generations, but surely at some point we have to acknowledge that nobody actually cares?  No-one is really going to go up to Game Freak and demand an explanation as to why you couldn’t breed a Mime Jr. in Gold and Silver.  That’s what remakes are for!

Is there anything you would change about the gameplay mechanics if you could? Like would you want to add any other stats? Or maybe raise the amount of HP Pokemon get?

Well…

Can I just say “yes”?

I mean, not to either of those specifically, but just in general… yes.  If you gave me control of those games I would rip out their guts and replace them with special stardust.  To explain everything would take months.  Luckily, this is exactly what I plan to do once I finish my Black 2/White 2 playthrough story.

White 2 Playthrough Journal, episode 14: Winter is coming

As Jim and I leave the Pokémon World Tournament, arguing about its relative merits, we nearly run straight into a Team Plasma grunt, who does a double take as he passes us, visibly panics, and bolts for the Driftveil docks – just as Hugh and Cheren emerge from the tournament building.  Hugh sees the villain fleeing and is instantly ready to give chase, but his blood-curdling battle-cry is cut off when Colress appears right behind them and softly but firmly tells him to stop, warning him of the risk of tackling a powerful criminal organisation like Team Plasma and admonishing him for his recklessness.  Hugh dismisses his concerns and proclaims that if there’s any chance of finding a lead on his sister’s Purrloin he is damn well going to go for it.  Well, jeez, Hugh, that’s fine; go ahead and casually reveal, to a random scientist and a Gym Leader you don’t even like, the deep dark secret that you kept from your two closest friends for years; it’s all good.  Cheren, who was a fairly militant opponent of Team Plasma himself back in the day, supports Hugh, and they both leave for the docks.  Colress shakes his head with scorn at their overconfidence in their Pokémon.  Surely they can’t believe that friendship and trust alone can protect them from hardened criminals with Pokémon of their own?  Jim notes that a bunch of Team Plasma ruffians are unlikely to pose much of a problem for a Unova League Gym Leader; the fact that Hugh is a reasonably accomplished trainer in his own right is really just icing on the cake.  In fact, you could almost say that they probably don’t need any help.  There’s really no need for anyone else to go along at all.  Colress gives him a reproachful frown, and I point out, with a sinking sense of foreboding, that as Hugh’s dearest friends we are responsible for both his safety and, to a lesser extent, the safety of those upon whom he chooses to inflict himself.  We look at each other, sigh in unison, and reluctantly dash after Hugh and Cheren, leaving Colress quietly tutting to himself behind us.

The Team Plasma grunt seems to have disappeared into a large black sailing ship moored at a wharf near the Pokémon World Tournament – Team Plasma’s new base of operations?  Cheren and Hugh are already rushing up the gangplank after him.  We ask a nearby local whether she knows anything about the ship, and receive only the cryptic response “a ship’s not really a ship unless it’s crossing the ocean.”  We stare at her in disbelief, respond “of course it is, you nitwit,” quietly shove her into the water, and board the ship.  Hugh notes that there’s a strange coldness about this boat – and he’s right.  It’s a pleasant Spring day in Driftveil City, but there’s a chill in the air that cuts right to the bone, and we can see our breath steaming in front of us.  I glance nervously at Jim.  Reshiram and Zekrom are gone, and there’s no telling where or for how long, but wasn’t there a third legendary dragon in Unova?  One with the power to fill the air around it with a terrible supernatural cold?  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.  I point insistently at the gangplank.  Jim shrugs helplessly and gestures to Hugh and Cheren, who have their backs to us and are looking around the deck.  I glare at him, point at our allies, firmly draw a finger across my neck, and then point at the deck beneath me before throwing my hands in the air, miming an explosion.  Jim stares incredulously, holds up four fingers, mimes sneaking, and jerks a thumb over his shoulder towards the gangplank.  I stare back, roll my eyes and hold up three fingers instead.  Jim cocks his head slightly, thinks about it and shrugs.  We turn back in the direction of the gangplank.

There’s a Team Plasma grunt standing in the way.

Well, $#!t.

Pokéballs fly non-stop for the next ten minutes.  At first, each of us has a single Team Plasma member to take care of, but this arrangement quickly proves far too simple for anyone’s taste; first I pair up with Jim and Hugh with Cheren for a pair of double battles, then we trade partners, and before long all of us become embroiled in a complex set of three intertwined rotation battles, at which point we collectively admit that the whole thing has basically become a free-for all.  I’m pretty sure that, at one point, I was partnered with two Team Plasma grunts in a triple battle against Cheren, another grunt, and my own Scolipede.  I see a Liepard, and the thought briefly flashes through my head that the Purrloin Hugh is searching for might have evolved, but I can’t get Hugh’s attention any more than I can tell whose Pokémon is whose at this point.  Someone makes an unflattering comparison between Hugh’s hair and a Qwilfish, which… actually, yeah, okay; fair call.  I am desperately trying to keep track of a quintuple rotating Contest battle when I suddenly realise that one of my opponents is, in fact, myself and frantically call for a time out, causing everyone present to collapse immediately from a combination of relief and exhaustion.

It is, I am later forced to admit, the most fun I’ve had in years.

An old man in a heavy purple robe emerges from below decks and demands to know what right we have to be snooping around on his ship.  Cheren studies his face for a moment, names him as Zinzolin, one of Rood’s former colleagues in the Seven Sages, and tells him that we have every right to investigate the activity of a notorious criminal group.  Zinzolin furiously proclaims that Team Plasma’s intent remains unchanged – to use a legendary Dragon Pokémon to rule Unova (well, that confirms it, then) – and summons the Shadow Triad to remove us.  The Shadow Triad, Team Plasma’s three magical ninjas, appear before us in a puff of smoke and begin to tell Zinzolin, “by the way, we are not your-” but he cuts them off and insists that they do this for him anyway.  Not his- underlings?  Of course; the Shadow Triad never worked for Team Plasma, N, or the Seven Sages.  They were personally loyal to Ghetsis alone – which means he’s back.  Joy of joys.  The Shadow Triad blink us off the ship, and when we regain awareness, the ship and everyone on it is gone.

Damnit; how the hell do they do that!?

Well, Hugh and Cheren are both alive, which means we’ve done our bit.  Time to continue our journey and forget about Team Plasma completely!  I’m sure everything will sort itself out in due course now that Cheren is on the case.  Besides, if Unova expects us to be socially responsible then it deserves everything it gets.  As Jim and I head back in the direction of Driftveil City proper, our eyes are drawn to a cave entrance near the Pokémon World Tournament grounds.  We question a construction worker in the area and learn that this is the north entrance to the Relic Passage, the ancient tunnel network that connects to the Castelia sewers.  The Relic Passage, Jim recalls, is inhabited by weirdoes of every conceivable shape and size, but the two of us together should be fine, and anyway it’s our duty as archaeologists to loot- er… I mean… to preserve everything we can find in the site.  The worker guarding the entrance listens patiently to our spiel about the value of the past and the importance of knowledge, before waving us through and explaining that no-one really cares about the Relic Passage anyway; he’s just stationed there so it looks like things are under control.  As we investigate the Relic Passage, we quickly develop a hypothesis about the place: the popular belief that it was built by ancient people is absolute rubbish.  The degree of organisation required to build a tunnel like this would be immense – and no-one going to that sort of effort would waste time building the kind of pointless loops and dead ends that fill the place.  Any human group capable of building something like this would be capable of building it according to a halfway sensible design.  Besides, it has none of the hallmarks of human construction.  It does seem to have been used by humans, though.  The tunnel connects the sites of Driftveil City and Castelia City – major cities are almost always built on sites that have been used before, often for millennia.  We also find an entrance to the lower levels of the Relic Castle, the site of another ancient city, though we are quickly chased away by the castle’s guardian Volcarona.  We conclude, eventually, that the Relic Passage may have started life as a series of unconnected Onix nests which were later taken over by humans and joined together, probably using captured Onix, to create an unbroken path – hence the seemingly random design (construction almost undoubtedly went through several false starts).  Resourceful, if nothing else, and seemingly indicative of extensive trade and travel between Driftveil, Castelia and the Desert Resort.  We make plans to take a few months later in the year to write an article for an archaeological journal, and move on.

We complete our trip through the Relic Passage and emerge in the Castelia sewers.  Refusing to touch the filthy ground, I command my largest Pokémon, Sansa the Ampharos, to carry me out of the sewer.  Jim rolls his eyes and follows.  When we emerge once more into the light, Jim immediately summons his Ducklett, Lydia, grabs her by the legs and holds her up in the air.  I ask him what on earth he’s doing, and he replies that he’s flying back to Driftveil City.  I protest that I don’t have a flying Pokémon yet, but he just shrugs and whistles at Lydia.  As Jim soars into the sky, dangling from Lydia’s legs like a hang-glider, I pull Daenerys’ Pokéball from my belt and call her out.  I lift my Trapinch into the air over my head and say, as imperiously as I can, “now, Fly!”  Daenerys twists her head to look down at me, bemused, and makes a clicking sound.  I sigh, recall her to her Pokéball, and begin the long walk back to Driftveil City.