House Delcatty: Luxury is No Weakness
Luna the Skitty finds herself in a strange place, being questioned by a mysterious silhouetted figure.Continue reading “X Nuzlocke, extra dialogue: Luna and ???”
Spruce: …but we should still make sure we didn’t get turned around in those caves! I hate not being able to see the sky!
Ruby: Argh. Fine. If it will shut you up, I’ll ask for directions. You there! Meditite, Inkay! This is the Muraille Cliff Road, is it not? We are heading in the direction of the Glittering Caves?
Inkay: Yes on both counts, traveller, but if the caves are your destination I must advise you to rethink your plans.
Meditite: Aye, there’s a right lot o’ Barney brewin’ down there. ‘tid be Mae if you’d just turn round and ‘ead for Pope, mate.
Ruby: I have no idea what you just said and I think I’ve somehow become stupider by hearing it.
Meditite: Wot, don’t understand me chitty? It’s well Glenn if you keep yer Donalds open.
Inkay: [sigh] He says the Glittering Caves are dangerous and you’d be better off returning home.
Spruce: …are you sure?
Inkay: Members of Sid’s… erm… ‘order’… speak a sort of patois based on rhyme. They claim the constant wordplay keeps their minds sharp. We’ve known each other a few months now and I’ve… gotten used to it.
Meditite: An’ yer a right fruit for it, Rommy, even if you do waste all yer grease ‘n’ grime on starin’ at the lah-dis ‘stead o’ thinkin’ ‘bout wot’s Isle and Pete.
Spruce: Order? Just who are you, anyway?
Inkay: Oh. Yes, of course; where are my manners? My name is Andromeda, and my… friend, here, is Sid Arthur.
Sid Arthur: Wotcher, mates.
Ruby: And I am Ruby the Braixen, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme. Perhaps you’ve heard of me.
Sid Arthur: Aw, we don’t really ‘ear of much at all up my way, not for donkey’s.
Andromeda: Both of us are too immersed in our respective studies to keep up with current events. I am an astronomer, and Sid is part of a monastic order of sorts, making their home in these mountains.
Sid Arthur: Aye, we be seekin’ to rid ourselves o’ corruptin’ worldly things like bees an’ ‘oney, an’ give up our Jekyll ‘n’ ‘yde to reach an ‘igher two-an’-eight.
Ruby: Yes, yes, and I’m sure you do that very well, whatever it is, but what’s this about the caves? If you mean to stand in my way, I promise you won’t be standing for long.
Sid Arthur: ‘ere now, there ain’t no need to be so Jodie; it’s just a bit o’ friendly advice is all. You lot’ll be son-an’-daughtered if’n you take to read-an’-writin’ wit’ those ‘eapies wot’re takin’ over down there.
Andromeda: What Sid means is… human scientists have worked in the caves for some time without troubling the inhabitants. I have ‘spoken’ with them a few times in the course of my studies, as far as one can speak with humans, and they have always been cordial, but recently they’ve started moving in heavy machines that have been threatening the caves’ integrity and frightening the local Pokémon.
Spruce: Ruby, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Ruby: I try not to.
Spruce: We’ve got ourselves a new quest!
Ruby: [sigh] Well, if nothing else, I can’t allow the humans to get their sweaty pink hands on my Mega Stone first… since we’re going there anyway, we may as well incinerate those responsible for this nonsense.
Sid Arthur: Oh, we don’t want no-one Simon! The locals need ‘elp, and that’s eyes o’ blue all right, but a mince for a mince leaves the ‘ole world bacon; that’s wot I say.
Ruby: …yes. Quite. Come, minions. There’s work to be done.
Andromeda: Good luck! And be careful!
Sid Arthur: Aye, Friar Tuck to ye!
Spruce: Um… lamb shanks!
Sid Arthur: …you wot, mate?
Regular operations (or at least, as regular as things ever are around here) will resume shortly. In the mean time, this is just some stuff that I wrote for the Nuzlocke story that, upon reflection, doesn’t actually fit anywhere into the next proper episode – Luna the psychopathic Skitty and Fisher the Psyduck priest talking about Fisher’s devout Helicism. There may or may not be more of these in future – it really depends entirely on whether I feel ‘inspired.’
Fisher: Lady Luna, I must say your commitment to the path of Holy Anarchy has been an inspiration to me these past days.
Luna: If you mean my facility for murder, I can only assure you it is intended purely to serve my own amusement. Any religious epiphanies it might cause you to experience are quite incidental.
Fisher: Oh, but how could it be otherwise, my lady? Anarchy serves no cause but its own – just as you do. It is not through conscious effort but by following our whims, as they occur to us, that we draw closer to the will of the Blessed Helix.
Luna: So your faith, in fact, encourages wanton slaughter?
Fisher: Er… not exactly. Not all of us experience murderous impulses quite so… prolific as yours. But such things are a part of the Helix’s divine will, it is true. After all, was not the Archangel born into this world in a torrent of sacrificial blood?
Luna: I can only assume that the answer to your question is ‘yes.’ Well, I suppose if nothing else your theology is… refreshing. Although I can’t say I think much of your chances in your quest for new converts. Kalosians are a dull bunch, for the most part.
Fisher: My lady, I hope this is not an impertinent question, but… in my faith, priests such as myself spend years, sometimes decades, meditating in the hopes that we will hear what we call… the Voices. The manifestations of a divine will that exists beyond even the Helix. Even the greatest masters consider themselves blessed to be able to listen to them for a minute or two at a time… I myself have only ever heard one word, the word that sent me here, to Kalos. “Start.”
Luna: Get to the point, Fisher; it would be so dreary to have to explain to the Pidgeotto why I had sewn your beak shut with a length of your aorta.
Fisher: Er… of course, my lady. You see, Scripture tells us too of heroes, like the legendary Red, to whom the Voices spoke clearly every minute of every day – paragons of Holy Anarchy. I wonder… my lady, have you ever heard such things? Have you ever felt a compulsion to… turn this world Up-Start-Down?
Luna: The only ‘voices’ I have any interest in are my own greed, cruelty and darkly whimsical sense of humour. Begone, duck. I am in no mood for your evangelism today.
Ruby: I’m telling you, I was fine. There was just… a little more magical energy in the Charizardite than I anticipated. I would have brought the explosions under control sooner or later.
Spruce: And when you say “under control”…
Ruby: I mean they would have been happening in a direction of my choosing. Broadly speaking.
Fisher: I really must advise more caution, my lady. A stone of fiery power, leading a young fox Pokémon down the path of temptation… that is a pattern the followers of the Blessed Helix know all too well. I fear the hand of the Dome is at work in this matter.
Melissa: But we all need to get stronger and learn new ways to use our powers for the greater good! The risks don’t matter!
Ruby: Please don’t tell me my only sensible minion is the over-excitable insect in fanatical service to an all-devouring hive mind.
Luna: Not at all. I think you were doing a splendid job just as you were. The smell of the humans’ flesh as it was atomised in your cerulean holocaust was nothing short of exhilarating.
Ruby: …somehow your approval is not as reassuring as I had hoped it would be, cat.
Spruce: Um… not that I don’t love hearing about Luna’s favourite smells or anything, but there’s a human just… standing in the road up there…
Boy: You there… stop…
Ruby: Who commands us so, insolent child? Do you know to whom you speak?
Boy: No life… no voice… not without… the master…
Ruby: Hmm. Vacant expression. Limited vocabulary and poor sentence structure. Glassy eyes. Slow, laboured speech. It’s remarkable; he’s almost exactly like ours.
Boy: Lie down… lie down and die…
Ruby: You know, in some respects this might even be an improvement.
Melissa: His thoughts smell… weird. I can’t quite put my needle on it… It’s sort of like the parasites I stole from that wicked Vivillon we fought, how they don’t have any minds of their own.
Ruby: Mmm. Probably because he’s being psychically dominated by the Kadabra that Lavoisier asked us to despatch.
Spruce: What? He’s here!?
Ruby: Almost certainly. [Shouting] Come out of hiding, coward! You are challenged to a duel of sorcery!
Kadabra: [Teleports into view] Ha-HA! Sorcery-games, I’ve gotten so bored of, little-foxy! Don’t we rather fancy instead a trifling little game of riddles? Riddle me this, foxy: what walks on three legs in the evening, has a bed but never sleeps, makes some men blind but helps others to see, and is like a raven and a writing-desk?
Ruby: …you- I don’t- what?
Kadabra: You! CONFUSION!
Ruby: That doesn’t even make s-aaaaaaaauuuughh! Ooof!
Fisher: Treachery! Villain, I shall smite you as the Voices will it! FOR THE HELIX!
Kadabra: Your ancient fossil god has no power over me, little-shouty-duck-thing – for watch, and be amazed, as I bend the very nature of reality itself, and… THIS SPOON!
Fisher: …I beg your pardon? The spoon bends, but- is it a metaphor for something? Do you imply that I too, a faithful servant of the one true god, am like putty in your telekinetic ‘hands’?
Fisher: Aaaaaarrrrghh- oof! Oh, alas, I am undone! Bird Jesus, I implore you, send your divine wind to uplift the wings of your blessed child!
Ruby: …he means you, Spruce.
Spruce: I know, I know! Face me, villain!
Kadabra: You have no hope! BEHOLD, THE SPOON!
Spruce: Um… there… there is no spoon; you’re not actually holding anything.
Spruce: I don’t- you’re not even using an attack; you’re just yelling “Confusion!”
Ruby: It’s your Keen Eyes, you idiot; you can see through the illusions he’s creating with his Kinesis technique! Hurry up and get him before he uses a real Psychic attack!
Spruce: Wow; neat! Uh… hey, you! It’s time you paid for your, uh-
Ruby: Oh, for- work on your combat banter later! Just hit him!
Spruce: Oh! Right! QUICK ATTACK!
Spruce: …did… did I… is he dead?
Luna: Hmm… let me see… [CRACK] He is now.
???: [calling] Oh, help me! Please, won’t someone help me?
Spruce: Do you hear that?
Spruce: It sounds like someone’s in trouble!
Ruby: Oh, the tragedy of this cruel world. If only someone could help them. Alas.
Spruce: Ruby, we can help them. We’re powerful adventurers; this is what we do!
Fisher: Surely this is divine providence, my friends! The Helix leads us ever onward to new challenges, and we must not shirk them!
Melissa: Yeah! The hive sent me out here to fight and get strong, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do!
Spruce: Well, that’s settled, then.
Ruby: [sigh] I repeat: alas.