Squidward Tentacles asks:

I’d tell you a random fact about fish, but I work with them every day. I hate them. I hate working at the Krusty Krab. I hate the nautical nonsense of a ninny that flips burgers right behind me every day.

Good day sir! I SAID good day!

Mmm.  I sympathise.  Unfortunately fish are often very stupid, and sponges, I’ve heard, are worse (though strangely proficient in fine dining and breathing).  Crabs, however, are the highest form of life in the universe, as demonstrated by the fact that evolution keeps trying to turn other animals into crabs, and you should feel honoured to work for one.  If you need something to take your mind off your coworker’s ceaseless blithering, try Jim the Editor’s randomised Kingslocke playthrough of Fire Red, now returning after an unfortunate but necessary hiatus to focus on work – or try out the rules yourself, and let me know how it goes!

Anonymous asks:

So I found a wild Vileplume in my house in Pokemon GO and decided to name it Chris :).

This pleases me.  Let it be known that, when Pokémon are named after me (especially Grass Pokémon, and especially ones in the Vileplume line), my spiritual power increases, bringing me closer to eventual domination of the earth.  Go now, my minions, and continue to do my dark bidding.