One lunatic's love-hate relationship with the Pokémon franchise, and his addled musings on its rights, wrongs, ins and outs. Come one, come all, and indulge my delusions of grandeur as I inflict my opinions on anyone within shouting distance.
Look, the raw, unvarnished truth is that I think all hype is dumb and everyone should just sit down, shut up, and wait for the movie in an unfurnished stone cell in perfect, motionless silence without eating, drinking or breathing. But I guess that’s the kind of attitude that people around me are always calling “not normal” or “disturbingly aloof” or “please put down that Necronomicon,” whatever that’s supposed to mean. I’ll just have to say something and get on the record as being just as wrong and dumb as everyone else.
People wonder why Psyduck isn’t a Psychic-type, and I do too, but why isn’t it a Flying-type? It’s a bird, and all other generation I birds are part Flying-type (including Farfetch’d, who is also a duck, and Doduo/Dodrio, who are also flightless).
I think this may in fact be the best argument for thinking that Psyduck is not a duck at all, but a platypus, which I know people have suggested. There’s an important caveat here that even at the best of times Game Freak doesn’t quite seem to know what the Flying type actually is, and frankly neither do I, but other than the beak there’s not a lot which is especially ducklike about Psyduck. He has arms and webbed hands rather than wings (likewise Golduck), learns no Flying-type or bird-themed attacks aside from Aerial Ace (which… look, just f&$% Aerial Ace), and his body doesn’t really look feathery the way most bird Pokémon do.
The Pokemon literally called Psyduck isn’t a Psychic type. What?????
In fairness, its Japanese name (Kodakku – probably ko, child + duck) doesn’t have any reference to psychic ability, and nor does Golduck’s name, in any language. I’d suggest that the reason Psyduck isn’t a Psychic-type is because of his infamous lack of control over his psychic abilities, which only manifest when his headaches send him into a trance that he can’t remember once it’s over – true Psychic Pokémon have much greater focus. Then again, I’ve actually argued in the past that this was originally supposed to be a character trait of Misty’s Psyduck specifically, not Psyduck in general. The first Pokédex entry from Red and Blue says of Psyduck: “while lulling its enemies with its vacant look, this wily Pokémon will use psychokinetic powers,” which is a very different perspective than just about every later portrayal. It’s only in Yellow version, which is based on the anime, that we get “always tormented by headaches. It uses psychic powers, but it is not known if it intends to do so.” So what I’m saying now is actually contradicted by other things I’ve thought about Psyduck in the past; I’m probably wrong about one of these things, but I’m not sure which I like better.
Ruby: Look, it’s perfectly simple; as my personal minion, everything you know about the Mega Stones now belongs to me. Amaldos: And so the stars belong in the sky, yet the sky never sought to constrain the stars to wait out the dawn. Ruby: Yeah, but… that’s not… that analogy makes no sense. Amaldos: Of course not; for my senses have taken leave of me. Ruby: If you’re not going to help me find the stones, then why did you want to come along with us in the first place? Amaldos: There is something new under the sun, old tricks learned again on borrowed time… and soon, a bolt from the blue. In a matter of life and death, sometimes a Liepard must find more than one way to skin a Purugly in order to change its spots. Ruby: …okay, sure. And… the reason I can’t try using yours is…? Amaldos: It is mine. Ruby: Ah. Well. Fair enough, then. Amaldos: When you despise something, keep it close; if it leaves you, it was never worth your hatred in the first place. Spruce: But if the journey is more important than the destination, then why is the road less travelled… um… always blocked by construction workers? Amaldos: [long silence] Spruce: And how does someone who walks off the beaten path find their way up the garden path? Ruby: Uh… Amaldos: An Accelgor can never catch a Torkoal that has been given a head start. There is a place nearby where moss gathers on the wrong side of the trees. Come, blinded one; let us find your stone and set it rolling. Ruby: [to Spruce] How the hell do you even do that? Spruce: [shrugs helplessly]
Chris: Gosh; that tower’s incredible, isn’t it, Ruby? I’ve read about it but it’s even more amazing to actually see it! Ruby: Mmm, I suppose even I must admit it’s rather impr- wait, hang on, you can read!? Chris: Come on! Korrina said that’s where she hangs out most of the time; let’s go see her! Ruby: Yes… yes, the human who travels with those two Lucario. They’ll not escape me this time. Whatever secrets they hold will be mine! MINE! HA-hahahahaha-HAH! Fisher: …my lady, I must confess you frighten me sometimes. Spruce: Sometimes?
Ruby: So… this is what that Lucario meant by “through the looking-glass,” I suppose. Load of cryptic nonsense… And there’s no other way to Shalour City, Nidorino? Martial: None that I know of. But there may be a benefit to travelling through these caves. Somewhere within lies a Moon Stone that will allow me to evolve into a Nidoking. I was questing in search of it when I was attacked outside. [to Spruce] I would better be able to serve you in a greater form. However, you must not delay your own tasks on my account. It is your decision whether to search for the stone, my saviour. Spruce: Sure, we can look for it! Right, Ruby? Ruby: [raised eyebrow] He’s your minion, Spruce. What do you think? Is making him more powerful worth the investment of your time? Spruce: Um… y-yes? Ruby: Is that an answer, or another question? Spruce: Uh… I… yes. Yes! We’d be a lot stronger with a Nidoking on the team, even if it’s only temporary! Let’s do it! Ruby: As good a reason as any. Lead the way. Boreas: If the asking be not injurious, what was thy former quest, good sir? To what end didst thou seek after thy lunar gem? Martial: That is irrelevant now. If and when I am able to repay my life-debt, I will return to my former duty. Until then, it must be as though my life were forfeit. Spruce: But maybe if you tell us, we can help- Martial: I will not speak of it! If I had been killed, my cause would surely have been abandoned and lost. As things are, it is merely delayed. For that alone, my debt is almost beyond reckoning. I cannot and will not allow you to do more for me until it is repaid. Ruby: [muttering] Hmph. Doesn’t know how lucky he is. What I wouldn’t give for minions like that… Spruce: What was that, Ruby? Ruby: Nothing, nothing. Let’s get moving, shall we? Fisher: Truly, this place is a wonder… these marvellous crystal panes… like the great mirrors of ice in which Burrito the Lightbringer is said to have seen, reflected, the true soul of the Lazorgator, and the path for love to conquer hate… Ruby: Don’t stare at those too long. Fisher: My lady? Ruby: There’s powerful magic here. Old magic. You shouldn’t play with what you don’t understand. Spruce: But you do that all the time. Ruby: …well, yeah, but… Boreas: Thy care for thy fellows is admirable, milady, yet they are but mirrors. Ruby: Hey, who said I care!? Fine, gaze into whatever you like for as long as you like, just don’t come crying to me when your soul gets sucked into a gemstone or something…