Ruby: You there! You, Pidgey!
Ruby: Do you see another Pidgey around here? Yes, you! My human and I require directions to the Santalune Forest. Quickly now!
Pidgey: Oh- the entrance to the main trail is right over that way; you just turn left at the rock that looks like a dead Zigzagoon and you can’t miss it.
Ruby: Mmm. Adequate. Thank you for your time, commoner. Come, human.
Pidgey: Um! Wait a minute! Excuse me!
Ruby: Yes, what is it?
Pidgey: Um, excuse me, but – human, are you- are you a trainer?
Ruby: He is; what of it?
Pidgey: You’re not, um… you’re not looking for Pokémon for your team at all, are you?
Ruby: He… might be.
Pidgey: Oh, wow; this is so amazing! I- I can help you! I can! I-
Ruby: No, look, ignore the human. The human is an idiot. He can’t even understand us. Get down here. I said down here! Stop fluttering about like that!
Pidgey: Sorry, sorry. This is all just so exciting!
Ruby: Yes, well, I suppose it’s not every day that one meets such an exquisite specimen of Pokémonhood as myself. You are forgiven, commoner. Tell me your name.
Pidgey: My name is Spruce! I’m a Pidgey and I live right here on the edges of Santalune Forest and I’ve always wanted to go with a human trainer and grow big and strong and maybe even evolve one day so I can travel and do good things and help people and it’d be so cool if I could go with you and your trainer and do all of those things!
Ruby: Really. How quaint.
Spruce: What about you? What’s your name?
Ruby: I? I am Ruby the Fennekin, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme! Perhaps you’ve heard of me.
Spruce: Er… yes. Oh, yes; I recognise you now! Of course I have!
Ruby: Ah; then you know of my battle against the dread Raticate King?
Spruce: Well, yeah!
Ruby: And you have heard the story of my dramatic victory in the Tournament of Sapphires?
Spruce: Who hasn’t?
Ruby: And perhaps you are even familiar with how I liberated the Pokémon of Kanto from the oppression of Team Rocket?
Spruce: That’s my favourite one of the lot!
Ruby: [narrowing her eyes] I’ve never done any of those things.
Ruby: You’ve never actually heard of me, have you?
Spruce: Well… well, not- not exactly, no. But they do say that flattery is the sincerest form of- um… something!
Ruby: [sighs] Quite.
Spruce: And- and I still really do want to join you! And help others and do good things!
Ruby: Look, when you say ‘others,’ are you prepared for those ‘others’ to be me? And when you say ‘good things’ are you prepared for that to mean things that are good for me?
Spruce: Sure! We all have to help each other in the world, right? That way we can all make the world a better place together and-
Ruby: Yeah, yeah, whatever; look, just remember, you work for me, not the human, is that clear?
Spruce: Sure thing! You can count on me, Ruby!
Ruby: Then so it shall be! Human! DEPLOY YOUR SORCEROUS ORB!
Chris: All right! I caught an awesome new Pidgey! This is the best first day as a trainer ever!
Spruce: So, where are we going? What’s the plan?
Ruby: My human and I must journey around Kalos to gather artefacts and lore that will increase my powers. There are many rumours to investigate of lost sources of magical energy in this land. I mean to make that energy mine and become a mighty sorceress.
Spruce: But… I thought you said you were already a ‘sorceress supreme’?
Ruby: Yes, yes, yes; my greatness exists beyond time and is an immutable fact of the past, present and future; I simply must become what I already am in order to realise the true grandeur of my transcendent existence. It’s all right; you’re only a Normal-type; I wouldn’t expect you to understand.
Spruce: Oh. Okay! So does that mean we get to go on quests and stuff to help you, uh… realise your translucent exterior?
Ruby: Quests. Sure, that’s a good word for it.
Spruce: Great! What’s our first one going to be?
Ruby: Mmm. Nothing so specific yet. We must make our way to this region’s capital so we can gather information and plan our strategy effectively. We just left from my human’s hometown this morning.
Spruce: So… wait, how long have you been with your trainer, exactly?
Ruby: Oh, three hours, maybe four?
Spruce: Oh, wow; you mean you only just started your journey today?
Ruby: He did; I had another human before that.
Spruce: Why aren’t you with them now?
Ruby: He was unsatisfactory, so I set him on fire.
Spruce: …wait, what?
Ruby: It’s so hard to find effective underlings, you know. I must say, I’m pleasantly surprised at how well you’ve taken to your job as my bodyguard so far.
Spruce: …well, I, uh… I aim to please!
Ruby: Argh. This cursed forest is so dark and treacherous! Maybe we would pass through sooner if I just burned it down…
Spruce: Or we could get one of the locals to guide us through.
Ruby: Or we could enslave one of the natives! Yes! Brilliant idea, Spruce!
Spruce: That- that’s not really what I-
Ruby: You! Young Weedle!
Weedle: Hi there! What’s your name?
Ruby: I? I am Ruby the Fennekin, fiery jewel among Pokémon, sorceress supreme! Perhaps you have heard of me?
Ruby: [muttering] Spruce’s way was better.
Spruce: What was that?
Ruby: Shut up. Weedle, my servants and-
Weedle: My name’s Melissa!
Ruby: That’s very nice. Melissa, my servants and I have become disoriented in this forest. We require your services as an escort to its northern boundary.
Melissa: Oh… oh, I’m really, really sorry, but I don’t know if I can do that. I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed.
Ruby: Not allowed? Who is to say that you are not allowed? I am commanding you lead us through this forest, Weedle. My fiery magics have destroyed Pokémon far greater than you. Who forbids this?
Melissa: [giggling] Silly Fennekin! Don’t you know this whole forest belongs to the hive?
Ruby: The… hive?
Melissa: The hive is life! The hive is master and friend and family! The hive is everything!
Ruby: O…kay… but what exactly is it?
Melissa: The hive is all of the Bug Pokémon who live here! We’re all like one great big family, and we can smell each other’s voices and taste each other’s wishes! We all have to do what the hive tells us, or we’ll stop being part of it! That wouldn’t be fun at all!
Ruby: Well… that’s a little creepy. And… so are you. I… um… think we’re just going to go now.
Melissa: [giggling] You know you’ll never get out of here alive without me?
Ruby: …excuse me?
Melissa: The hive is everywhere. The hive sees everything. The hive knows you’re here.
Spruce: Ruby, are we gonna die?
Ruby: Oh, for crying out loud; Spruce, you are a bird. She is a worm. Birds eat worms, mister let’s-go-on-a-quest!
Spruce: Not whole forests of them at once!
Melissa: Oh! Yay!
Spruce: Yay? What’s yay?
Melissa: The hive says it’s okay! As long as you stay right behind me and don’t leave the path and don’t touch anything and don’t hurt any Bug Pokémon, you can go through the forest with me!
Ruby: What if they attack us?
Melissa: They won’t do that, silly! They’re all part of the hive too! I’ll even help you fight if other Pokémon who aren’t in the hive attack you! Oh, this is going to be so much fun! Hooray!
Spruce: [whispering] She scares me.
Ruby: [whispering] Pull yourself together, idiot. Just… just do as she says and we’ll be fine.
Spruce: [whispering] …she scares you too, doesn’t she?
Ruby: [whispering] Shut up.
Chris: Sweet! A Weedle! Bug Pokémon are so cool!
Glückwunsch! Dein Melissa wurde zu einem Kokuna!
Melissa: Wow! The hive gave me the power to evolve! I’m gonna get so strong now! I think the hive must want me to go with you and get even stronger so we can fight the hive’s enemies outside the forest!
Ruby: Now, hold on just one moment, insect. Who says we’re fighting the hive’s anything?
Melissa: [giggling] The hive let you through its forest. You didn’t think it would do that unless you gave it something in return, did you?
Ruby: That’s right; the hive did let us through its forest. We’re almost out of here now, and we don’t need its help anymore, or yours.
Spruce: Ruby, I don’t know if we should antagonise her! If they need our help then maybe we should listen to what they want!
Ruby: Hmph. You’ve sure changed your tune. You were scared of them a few hours ago.
Spruce: Well… yeah… and I kinda still am… but Melissa’s shown us the way and even helped us fight just like she said she would. We should help her in return!
Ruby: [rolling eyes] Fine, fine; whatever. We can try it your way first.
Spruce: Okay. Melissa, you said the hive has enemies outside the forest?
Melissa: Oh, yes! The human who rules the next town from here is very disrespectful to the hive! Yes she is! She seduces Bug Pokémon away from the will of the hive and corrupts them! Without our leaders the hive is getting smaller and weaker every day! She’s ruining our family!
Spruce: That’s terrible! Uh… I think!
Ruby: Yes, it probably is. What a shame. I truly, deeply hope you find someone who cares, and is not me.
Spruce: No, Ruby, don’t you see? This is why the forest is dangerous – because the hive is trying to defend itself! We can help the hive and everyone in the forest if we go along with what Melissa wants! It can be our first quest!
Ruby: …you cannot be serious.
Melissa: What about your human? Maybe you should ask him what he wants to do!
Ruby: What, take advice from that brain-dead primate? Hell no. He has no idea what this is even about.
Melissa: But he’s part of your hive!
Spruce: I think maybe he understands more than you think, Ruby.
Ruby: No, seriously, he’s clueless. Look, I’ll show you. Human! The time has come for us to leave this place! There is work to be done!
Chris: What’s that, Ruby? Aww, you’re getting tired from walking on those little legs all day aren’t you? You want me to carry you for a bit?
Ruby: What? No- no, human, don’t you dare-
Chris: There you go, sweetie, you just rest in my arms for a little while and we’ll be out of this forest in no time! Tomorrow we can train in Santalune City, and then after that we can challenge the Gym Leader, Viola. My first Gym battle! I can’t wait!
Ruby: You- unhand me, you- argh!
Spruce and Melissa: [snickering]
Ruby: Shut up, both of you.
Ruby the Fynx (Fennekin)
Female, Bold nature, level 9, Großbrand (Blaze)
Kratzer (Scratch), Rutenschlag (Tail Whip), Glut (Ember)
Spruce the Taubsi (Pidgey)
Male, Rash nature, level 9, Adlerauge (Keen Eye)
Tackle (yes, Tackle), Sandwirbel (Sand Attack), Windstoß (Gust)
Melissa the Kokuna (I’ll give you one guess)
Female, Jolly nature, level 8, Expidermis (Shed Skin)
Giftstachel (Poison Sting), Fadenschuss (String Shot), Härtner (Harden)
Incidentally, I love that the German word for poison is ‘Gift.’ Yes, Melissa is here to give you… gifts…