The Pokémaniacal New Year’s Speed-Nuzlocke-stravaganza VI

4:37

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Thanks to the secret chemical compounds obtained/stolen from Team Rocket by Evil Steve, Dr. Chrim’s experiments on Specimen X have been successful.  Soon his true power shall be unleashed!

4:44

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Side effects may include dry mouth, nausea, sore throat, vomiting, psychosis, and transformation into a gigantic sea dragon.

4:53

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After the heist at Pokémon Tower, DCI Doug and his deputies return to visit their headquarters and report that the Team Rocket smuggling operation and slaver ring have been thwarted… though Doug was unable to prevent the theft of the Poké Flute by a mysterious figure.

(it was totally Evil Steve)

5:25

While back at police headquarters, Doug received information about an illegal toll station being operated by a rogue Snorlax, and was dispatched along with his companions to deal with the situation.

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5:32

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Immediately after dismantling the fraudulent toll house, Detective Doug was targeted by an unscrupulous suicide bomber!  A critical hit was enough to wipe out Doug and his lieutenants DS Dougal and DS Douglas in a single strike!  Coincidence… or something more sinister…?  A second, and even more powerful, bomb was successfully disarmed by the efforts of Jolene and Aurora.

5:57

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A small flea has joined the team in order to investigate Doug’s activities before his death.  Mysterious higher authorities suspect that a major crime ring may have been operating under his very nose.

6:46

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Team update from Fuchsia City.

6:57

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Recovery is a long process, but all – yes even Evil Steve – rejoiced to see Aurora finally coming out of her shell a bit after her enslavement by Team Rocket.

7:35

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Let’s roll the dice – one chance per area, so maybe we’ll actually catch something!

7:40

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Catch number 1: Bob and Jaff (because Jim can’t spell Jeff) the Doduo!

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Loot!

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More loot!  By selling this dude’s gold teeth, we can- wait, teeth?  Ewwww…

7:50

…aaalnd we have been unable to catch anything else in the Safari Zone.  Well… Bob and Jaff, don’t fail us…

8:36

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The Fat Controller, who formerly controlled the toll road west of Celadon City, has been captured and made to submit!  With his information, we will be able to track down his former employers: the rival crime syndicate that ran the slaver ring we broke up.

10:03

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These b!tches are going down.  Who cares if we only have two badges?

11:02

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STOP BLOWING UP OUR POKÉMON, YOU AWFUL PEOPLE!

Jim: IT’S ALWAYS YOU
Chris: WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO HAVE DONE
Jim: DON’T USE HIM AGAINST A WEEZING
Chris: WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO USE AGAINST A WEEZING
Jim: SOMETHING WE DON’T CARE ABOUT
Chris: WE CARE ABOUT ALL OF THEM
Jim: I DON’T!!!!

Jim: This is why we can’t have nice things, Chris. [sobbing]

11:24

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YOU!  Were you behind all of it!?  The suicide bombers that murdered our two most noble Pokémon and left our team with EVIL STEVE as its moral compass!?  It was all YOU!?

11:39

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So there was this Lapras who was just kinda… hanging out here.  Doesn’t seem to realise anything is wrong.  Sort of off in her own little world.  Came with us when we promised her cake.

11:43

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Oh good.  You again.  Gods, you’re almost as annoying as Billy…

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yes

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